Just felt I needed to vent. I have separated from ex for about 6 years now but was always on and off due to a gambling addiction. I tried absolutely everything in my power to help and support him. I am in a lot of debt trying to help, take him to meetings etc, I was lied to and stolen from. I felt like I was losing my mind and finally I walked away after finding out how much he had stolen from me yet again and lied and convinced me I was going crazy.
I am now with my new DP and have been for 3.5 years. He supports me and DS in every way possible. Ex has not paid a single penny for him for years and even when he did it was just a fraction of money he owed and not money for DS. He has only started seeing DS every second weekend in the past two years. Previous to this I went to a lawyer to try and arrange visiting as he was just turning up at my house when suited him or telling me he was coming and either not turning up or coming mid afternoon smelling of drink from the night before. One time he didn’t turn up and I asked him to explain to DS why as I was sick of making excuses for him, he told DS his alarm hadn’t went off (he was asleep with a hangover till 8pm)! When DS goes to his house he still shares a bed with his dad as he still lives with his mum, he’s told me for 6 years he’ll find a house and still nothing, he has no routine and let’s DS sit up all night watching tv till he falls asleep then I am the bad one for implementing a routine and trying my hardest.
I contacted child maintenance after getting sick of the lies and no money after promises constantly and so far he has dodged paying a penny somehow. I must mention he is able to go on holidays, trips away, days out with his new partner.
I’m just struggling now because DS sees his dad as this poor man who I feel he almost feels sorry for. He is constantly telling me why I should drop him off and pick him up because his dad can’t drive so I should do all this (I also have a DD with DP and need to drag her back and forth) and he doesn’t drive because he doesn’t want to be “fat and lazy”. DS tells me he obviously doesn’t see him because he has to work and I don’t as much as him( I now work term time as I had to find a new job to suit DS school holidays and pick up and drop off times as I had no other support), he asks me and DP for everything and I wouldn’t say isn’t grateful but seems to find it the norm yet he wouldn’t even ask his dad for a pound as his dad “doesn’t have any money”. His dad could buy him something so small for a birthday and it would be treated like he got him the world yet nothing I do is good enough. Tonight I was told how his dad has more important things to do than play with him and he has to work etc yet I am running around busy constantly trying to entertain him (and dd) all summer with no help from him and I never get any thanks. I’m just finding it difficult to bite my tongue and feel so unappreciated. I ask my ex to help out more etc but all I get is excuses, he doesn’t help financially and he does every second weekend where I drop off and pick up DS. I’m thankful for this at least as it’s much more than he has done in the past but I’m just struggling at how DS seems to think he’s perfect and expects so much more from myself and DP and constantly makes all these excuses for his dad.
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How to deal with DC thinking his dad is perfect
24 replies
L012345 · 06/08/2019 23:29
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