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Ex has potentially done something to jeopardise DD's health

(14 Posts)
avocadosrus Sat 06-Jul-19 17:07:57

Will try not to trip feed but also don't want to be too outing... DD was at her dads in the week & an incident occurred (wound to hand)she should have had medical attention then & there but didn't & I didn't find out about it until after school the next day.
Took her to docs,nurse dressed it, antibiotics & told to return on Monday & keep clean & dry.
I text & told him this & told him I wasn't happy with how it was handled.
Today he was meant to be taking her to an outdoor water activity obviously she couldn't go, she was upset but understood.
However, he spoke to the gp told him she was going swimming and he said ok she could with a waterproof protector on it as long as wound cleaned & dressed afterwards.
She is not swimming in a pool though she's in a lake full of bacteria & the protectors are showerproof not watertight.
I cannot see why you would risk her getting an infection for the sake of an hours fun?
I guess it's done now & she's gone but I'm so cross I feel like he's been so irresponsible with her health. Perspective needed mumsnetters please!

OP’s posts: |
InTheHeatofLisbon Sat 06-Jul-19 17:12:50

I'm with you OP, not getting medical attention for a wound that required it is neglect. And swimming in a chlorinated swimming pool is entirely different to swimming in a lake teeming with bacteria.

Is he usually so cavalier with safety?

avocadosrus Sat 06-Jul-19 17:32:37

@InTheHeatofLisbon yup and if I say the sky is blue he will say it's pink. I'm just at a loss in this instance as to why he would risk her catching something just to prove a point!
I sent him 3 messages stressing how important it was that he didn't let her swim, all unanswered until he told me to stop or he'll report me for harassment hmm

OP’s posts: |
InTheHeatofLisbon Sat 06-Jul-19 17:35:07

I'd report him to SS for neglect tbh, he sounds like someone who puts making a point to you over the safety of his child and that's completely unacceptable.

I have an XH like that too, you have my sympathy. I had to remind the twat recently that lightbulbs were a basic in DS1s bedroom, especially since the blackout blind is stapled to the wall and he spends the entire 48 hours there in his room on his Xbox! (Alone apparently).

Soubriquet Sat 06-Jul-19 17:39:26

Sounds like he wants to play Disney dad, and you are not getting in the way of that.

If your dd gets ill, I would contact SS

You have proof on your phone that you warned him and he is deliberately choosing not listen

Missingstreetlife Sat 06-Jul-19 17:42:36

Supervised contact if he can't be trusted

avocadosrus Sat 06-Jul-19 17:51:16

He is the very definition of Disney dad, over the years I've learned to just let it wash over me but this seems like he has deliberately done this to be vindictive. The rational part of my brain knows that she may not catch anything but why risk it with your precious child?

OP’s posts: |
IncrediblySadToo Sat 06-Jul-19 17:51:41

What did she actually do to her hand?

If she severed it at the wrist you might have a point, but if she’s scratched a finger you might be being a bit unreasonable

He rang his daughters’s GP to see if it was ok for her to go swimming and the GP said yes with the protector in place (and presumably the GP knows what the protectors are capable of)

So I guess he doesn’t see why - as her equal parent- he needs your permission (assuming you wouldn’t ask his?)

Just make sure you remove the dressing clean her wound etc when you see her

I assume he threatened to report you for harassment as you keep telling him how he’s allowed to parent his daughter and he’s fed up with it

How long have you been separated?

It’s hard to know if he’s an irresponsible unreliable fuckwit or if you are acting like you’re the only one whose opinion matters when it comes to your DD.

I imagine it’s very hard to hand her over to him, but is he really all that bad with DD (rather than just ‘fucking annoying’ to you these days?)

InTheHeatofLisbon Sat 06-Jul-19 17:53:35

I got sepsis from a tiny scratch. DS1 got sepsis from a tiny infected cannula site.

It's not precious to be sensible about not letting an open wound have contact with major bacteria. It's common sense.

endofthelinefinally Sat 06-Jul-19 17:58:11

I would not take a child with an open wound swimming in a lake. It is just common sense.
I bet the GP was under the impression she would be swimming in a clorinated pool.

avocadosrus Sat 06-Jul-19 20:29:26

@IncrediblySadToo are you his OH? It was a wound that had it been seen when she did it would have required stitches however 24hrs later the skin had died & it couldn't be closed, so not a scratch! Maybe he didn't like being told what to do but I'm entitled to stress my opinion when I feel like he is making a gross error of judgement.
My point is why risk it, she did not need to do this activity.

OP’s posts: |
raspberryk Mon 08-Jul-19 21:03:38

He is an utter twat by the sounds of it and has about as much concern over DC safety as my ex does. You have my full sympathy.

WhoWants2Know Mon 08-Jul-19 21:11:06

If she needed stitches and he didn't seek medical attention, then I think it's worth contacting social services for advice

Summertimeatthebeach Mon 08-Jul-19 21:15:44

My exh let my ds's 3+4 play in rock pools down on a beach alone while he was up on the pier with new gf... Ds 3 spilt above his eye quite badly. Needed quite a few stitches. No phone call to me, didn't see him until returned after the week end.

Took him back to the beach next contact week end.

Again let them down unattended.
In court judge didn't bat an eye.
Another incident was ds 3 falling through a frozen pond...
Fit parent? I think not.
Keep a diary op.

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