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Doing it alone again

(9 Posts)
flameylife Mon 24-Jun-19 21:24:07

I'm not going to put specifics in and I really don't need anymore judgement than I have from myself so if that's what you have to say then please take it elsewhere. I'm very young and I already have one toddler. I'm now pregnant again with someone else who has left me and didn't/doesn't care how I feel although he promised me he'd be there for me bla bla bla he's also a lot older than me and blames all of his shit on me. I'm not sure I can do it on my own again and am genuinely terrified about the sleep deprivation. I have very few people in my life. I was thinking about abortion but I don't think I could do it. I'm a single mum on benefits and I feel so incredibly sad and I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life and it seems really hard to see a positive way out of this. I don't want to be where I am and I just feel so so horrible. Has anyone ever gone through anything similar or can give any words of wisdom? Thanks.

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SylvanianFrenemies Mon 24-Jun-19 21:29:19

There should be no shame in having an abortion or in having your baby.

You sound like a very strong person, though I'm sure it doesn't always feel the case. No doubt you can do this. Get the Dad to pay his way if you go ahead. Homestart or some other local group might give you some practical help.

SylvanianFrenemies Mon 24-Jun-19 21:30:28

Btw my second was a great sleeper, first was terrible. Sleep deprivation isn't guaranteed.

flameylife Mon 24-Jun-19 21:42:15

Thanks @SylvanianFrenemies

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flameylife Mon 24-Jun-19 22:12:03


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flameylife Wed 26-Jun-19 10:28:17


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Firsttimeuser12 Wed 26-Jun-19 16:03:08

Not been through this but I'm sure whatever decision you make will be the right one. Things always have a way of working out, either option won't be easy so just be sure of what you're doing x

Mumanon72 Thu 27-Jun-19 01:06:38

I am 28 but going it alone the second time. Lack of support network etc. It isn’t ideal and I never wanted to put myself and another child through this again but it is what it is. I know there are lots of pro choice people here but I had an abortion 10 years ago when I was 18 because I didn’t feel ready and I don’t think that will make all of your problems go away, it could make them worst. For me, it’s the worst decision I ever made despite my age and circumstances, if I could go back I never would have done it, even if That meant putting that baby up for adoption. Although women have the legal right to chose whether to abort or not, that doesn’t mean abortion is a good choice. There is a lot of regret around it and there are so many services to support women in your situation. I don’t know anybody who ever regrets not getting an abortion when their baby arrives, just wishes the circumstances were different. It won’t be easy, but it is possible! I know pro choicers won’t like these comments and some say they don’t regret abortion but i think you need to hear both sides of the story and think very carefully about it if you do consider abortion as you live with that decision, it’s not reversible.

Do you have any support from agencies like sure start or their any similar charities in your area who can help? Any pregnancy crisis centres who can refer you to people who can help and potentially counsel you if you think you might need counselling or just the emotional support? Could you contact early hub support workers in your area? Don’t be afraid to reach out for help! There are some wonderful support workers and agencies as well as volunteers who would love to help you without judgment.

Sending you virtual hugs and love, it’s not an easy position to be in but as I said it is possible and I am sure you are doing great with the little one you already have smile

Mumanon72 Thu 27-Jun-19 01:12:12

I apologise for my poor grammar, it’s late :P

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