This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Ex lying to children about me(3 Posts)
I agree I was thinking parent alienation . You need to document with dates and seek legal advice . Whilst you don’t want court you may need to to protect your dc from damage.
I would also be clear to dc that while it isn’t true it is no not
Before you even wrote "parental alienation", your post absolutely screamed of it.
You need to hire an excellent solicitor, who can recommend an excellent barrister and you will need to attempt a child arrangements case. I'm afraid that will be the only feasible option for your situation, as this person has already proved an inability to be reasonable or put the children's best interests first. It is likely that there will be cafcass and section 7 involvement, so prepare yourself - but don't be scared off, as this person will continue to alienate the children, otherwise.
You will need to do this quickly, before the alienation becomes to far entrenched.
I split up with my ex last year after he had an affair. This was on the back of a difficult few months after a bereavement and neither of us were at our best. But he did start an affair, took her to hotels using our joint account and said he loved her.
Now, nearly a year later, he has told my oldest son (11) that I had an affair, which I certainly didn't, presumably in an effort to defend his own actions which the children know about. On top of lying about me he then told my son he couldn't tell me what he had been told, that he had to keep it secret from me.
Tonight it all came out after an angry outburst by my son. I have told him that he should never have been asked to keep a secret from his mum, that it was a lie that he was told and that he hadn't done anything wrong by telling me. He was distraught because he thought he had betrayed his dad.
The week before that when my son told me something that was less than ideal about his dad's behaviour, his dad called him a grass and a snitch and sent him back to me in a temper.
My son had a panic attack going into school today and generally is taking things very hard. I'm worried that his dad is screwing him up even more. I really can't believe that he would treat his own child like this.
What can I do about this?
If I go to my ex with this, he will take it out on my son. If I keep sending my son to him 50:50 he will probably keep on with the same behaviour. My son is having counselling at school but doesn't like opening up so I'm not sure it's very helpful. I'm so worried about him and my other son, and I'm increasingly convinced that this is becoming parental alienation. Although the boys haven't yet refused to come to me, they often don't want to speak on the phone and their behaviour when coming back is often difficult.
I'd like to reduce their contact with him but don't want to go to court, which is where I think we would end up as my ex is extremely controlling and has unlimited finances to spend on lawyers whereas I don't.
Feel completely trapped in this situation and helpless to protect my kids from his malicious behaviour.