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Help bit lost alone through pregnancy ex partner controlling my life

(11 Posts)
Robbies88 Sun 16-Jun-19 04:41:50

Can anyone give me advise?
I’m currently pregnant with my first baby and I’m struggling me and my partner recently split up and too cut a long story short he is a narcissist he has left me high and dry this week and took my money out of my account and left me with nothing, I know I can do better but I’m now worrying my stress is damaging my baby I have a good job and work full time but I now have no money for food and gas and electric until I get paid Next week he knows this and has still done this knowing I have no one too turn too I’m too embarrassed to tell my family or friends what he’s done to me as they have been through a lot recently and I do not want too worry them with my mental health but I can’t do on like this
I’ve tried too contact him to let him know I now have nothing and he’s ruining our baby’s life before it even begins but I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want him back. But I don’t want to be alone.
Has anyone been in this situation before I’m scared to be alone during this pregnancy but I know I’m better off without him?

Any advise or someone too talk too would be nice

OP’s posts: |
Winterlife Sun 16-Jun-19 04:57:53

I’ve not been in this position. However I strongly urge you to borrow money from a friend or relative until payday so you can eat.

Block that horrible man. He knows what he’s done and doesn’t care. Close your bank account immediately and open a new one, preferably at another bank so there’s no possibility of bank error giving him access to your account. Advise your employer if your new deposit information.

Starlight456 Sun 16-Jun-19 13:18:40

I agree don’t be embarrassed. Your family friends probably already know this so will probably be very pleased.

Do you have options such as overdraft?

I agree though close account but change pin for now . Does he have a card or is it just your account?

You will be far better off . If he is a narcissist he really won’t care you have no food but will enjoy the updates.

Food banks are another option .

Do reach out to rl people

TeaForTheWin Sun 16-Jun-19 13:33:35

How the heck did he get at your money? You broke up and aren't living together anymore I presume? If you have a joint account then you need to get that changed asap but if he actually stole money from your account, go to the police. Or threaten too, bet he'll put the money back asap then.

Anyway, as another person said, food banks would be a good idea if it's just a weeks worth you need. As for feeling bad about saying to family - don't! Here's the thing, narcissists make us feel as if we are stupid, selfish and weak and an 'inconvenience' to others.
We aren't. You aren't. Your friends especially im sure if they are decent friends would not judge you and would be happy to help you in your situation (provided they aren't jerks too, as sometimes happens when we have one narcissist in our life, there are more around).

Well done on breaking up with narcy ex at least. You know you are getting free when they start trying everything to screw you over. But keep up the good work. And in the mean time - love yourself a bit more and know that you are worth help from others and shouldn't feel like you can't reach out to friends and family. Because you can. It doesn't make you needy, it just makes you a friend who wants help from a friend.

7yo7yo Sun 16-Jun-19 13:35:31

Get RL support.
Your family would most probably be gutted if they knew what was happening.
Don’t put him on the Birth certificate.

Robbies88 Sun 16-Jun-19 14:52:59

Yes I contacted bank and police but because he had access there is no proof he took it without permission so there is nothing they can do so he’s actually left me with nothing. But I’m getting new bank accounts and new cards so he can never do this again.
I don’t qualify for food bank even with my circumstances Just now because I work full time I explained it was only for a week but they said by time it got looked into I would of probally been paid already. Going too contact gas and electric hopefully I can apply for emergency credit too keep me going this next week. I’ve never felt so embarrassed in my life.i appreciate all your kindness ladies I just need to be strong and get through this I know I will be ok I always am

OP’s posts: |
Mumof1andacat Sun 16-Jun-19 15:03:23

Worth speaking to your midwife. They can refer you to a food bank/social services. Show her your bank statements

Robbies88 Sun 16-Jun-19 15:13:33

Thank you il get in touch tommorow see if they can help x

OP’s posts: |
ginswinger Mon 17-Jun-19 13:01:25

Do have a chat with your midwife, they need to know so they can appropriately judge your care and the aftercare you need. There's no shame in it and yes they have seen this before so give them a chance to help you. FWIW, I was single when I had my DD and my mother was aghast when she saw single mum on my hospital notes. I groggily explained it was to make sure I got the extra care I needed.

And please don't put him on the birth certicate, you'll have a lifetime of issues if you do. Baby can still have contact but it means you aren't tied to him any more.

Windmill1828 Mon 17-Jun-19 18:59:13

I was in a similar situation to you but I was turned out with my dd at 7 weeks pregnant and had no where to go.
Baby is now 4 months old and we have our own place and are now settled. You don't have to put father's name on birth certificate but it's very very easy for him to get it put it on there.
I haven't seen baby's dad for 2 months and now he's threatening solicitors 🙄

You can do this. You will be ok. It might not feel like it right now but it will be ok. You need to stay strong for baby.
I was in the worst state of my life for my whole pregnancy but my baby turned out just fine! My midwife told me that there are lots of women pregnant in war torn countries and their babies are just fine!

Try and relax. Try and let family and friends help you. Focus on that beautiful baby you are making. You are going to be just fine. Xx

GinIsHappiness Mon 17-Jun-19 21:22:42

Please please please tell you family.

Cut this man out of your life.

You want this baby happy and healthy and you need to be happy and healthy too.

I spent all of my pregnancy upset and stressing because my ex left me to it. And strung me along.

Right now thinking about doing this alone is tough. But I promise you. It's better to do this alineX than with someone that's going to ruin it all for you!

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