Ex partner, our daughter and where I stand

[WRB23]

Hi everyone,

Just looking for some advice really. I have a 1 year old daughter with my ex partner and I am finding it really difficult to know where I stand legally and how much right I have when it comes to standing up to my ex.

My ex has always been rather difficult when it comes to our daughter, she likes to control where I see our daughter, where I take her (if I am ever allowed to take her out) and the contact that my daughter has with my parents.

This all came to a head today when I received a phone call from my ex to inform me that she has suddenly decided to get our daughter christened and has booked a date today. Now I don’t have an issue with our daughter being christened my issue is the way that she has gone about it.

Rather than discussing anything with me or even checking that the date works etc etc she has just gone ahead and done it. I have tried to explain that I feel it’s a bit crazy to just suddenly wake up and decide to get the kids christened and to do it all without the slightest communication with me before doing it. She is now trying to tell me where it’s all happening, who’s being invited, who’s not coming or not allowed to come. She doesn’t seem to get or want to get where I am coming from. It just turned into an argument about my apparent need to control the situation and that I’m childish and need to grow up. However throughout the whole conversation she referred to our daughter as ‘my’ daughter and the guests being invited as ‘her’ guests so it feels as if the only controlling one here is my ex.

I just don’t know how I can try and explain to my ex that I want to be involved, I want to know these things, I have a right to know these things and have an input.

I am listed on my daughters birth certificate so have rights but when I have mentioned that in the past my ex has (wrongly) told me she can have me removed.

Any one out there with any advice?

[BlueMoon1103]

Is get legal advice if I were you, contact Citizens Advice, have a look at gingerbread.org as they might have some tips.

That’s really bad of your ex. You should be part of decisions. Your DD is lucky you care, credit to you for being there for her and trying to to everything you can to be involved.

[Herland]

She can't have you removed from the birth certificate. Have a look at Families Need Fathers website. Sounds like you need to work on your relationship or you will end up in and out of court every time there is a new issue to do with your daughter - school, health, holidays etc. A really good mediator will focus on this rather than just focusing on issues based stuff.

[NorthernSpirit]

You have parental responsibility and therefore as much right as the mother to make decisions. The mother doesn’t get to dictate nor is she in charge.

You have rights around schooling and religion.

www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities

I would get a defined contact order (at a cost of £215 to self rep) and define what you should be consulted on.

As far as the christening goes - if you are not happy about it get a prohibitive steps order and put an end to her silliness.

[SpideyMom]

She can't get you removed. What a tit she is.

My DS dad is completely absent by his choice. What I would do to be able to remove his from the birth certificate. I can't.

I'd say getting legal advice will be your best bet. She sounds awful