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move to london from Ireland just to co-parent?

(5 Posts)
sallyfromvenus Thu 16-May-19 12:42:33

I have a son who is almost 2 with my ex . I live in Ireland, he lives in London. I moved home during the pregnancy because of lack of support- he didn't want to support me, I had no family or friends there so I returned. I had my son and a few months later he popped up and wanted to see him. He has now been over a few times and I have brought my son to his house in London once. He wants to be very actively involved . He video calls my son twice a week and he seems to want to parent and be an involved dad. We have improved our coparenting relationship- it certainly takes an effort. He is a bossy forceful man but he is genuine enough and respects my position as mom, i think.

He is coming over so much now - at the weekends and coming for a month next weekend , that I wonder should I return to London and coparent with him there. I feel like my son will want to live with him in London at some point or will resent me for taking him away from his dad. London has good work opportunities for me. The only issue is that I don't know much people there and it's not easy for me to make friends, so I am worried that it would be a big adjustment for me. Not having family support would be a big change for me and my L.O. However I have found it diffficult to work here in Ireland, am currently unemployed .

Would anyone be able to have an opinion on the above. It's been in my mind for ages-should i go back, shouldn't I....

OP’s posts: |
bibliomania Thu 16-May-19 15:21:14

It's pretty impossible to say from the outside. The practical thing that would worry me would be the cost of childcare and accommodation in London. I'd make sure you have a written agreement with the child's father regarding any financial contribution he'll be making.

The other thing would be that if you try it and it doesn't work, it might be hard to return to Ireland. If your ex doesn't want you take your son back, he'll be able to argue that the UK is now the child's habitual domicile, which could convince a court to issue an order saying that you can't take him out of the country.

None of those points mean that I'm advising you not to do it, just that you have to think carefully about the implications.

PicsInRed Thu 16-May-19 15:44:32

Whose idea was this?
Did ex bring it up?
Has this only happened since he got involved with a woman who presumably will do any future child caring?

He's visiting a bit, after you had to move back to Ireland due to him being so abjectly useless. Don't forget that.

Does he pay child support, which would reduce if he had your child more ... which he could do if you lived closer?

I wouldn't upset a stable living situation for a short time of interest from Dad which may be financially motivated.

Think carefully, there are some red flags here.

choli Thu 16-May-19 16:03:48

Can you afford to be a single parent in London? Would your salary cover rent, childcare, etc and leave enough leftover to live on?

Is your line of work flexible enough to allow you to do school runs etc?
You need to plan in terms of going it alone if you return to London. Your child's father has already proved unreliable.

RubberTreePlant Thu 16-May-19 16:05:26

No, don't do it.

You have support where you are.

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