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I struggle the most when it's half term/summer holidays

(8 Posts)
namechangedbutneedadvice Wed 17-Apr-19 18:38:06

I know people say that the evenings are the hardest when you have no adult conversation. I have never once struggled with that. I finish what I need to go after my DDs bedtime then invariably chat to a friend or watch a box set in bed. Lovely. But my hardest time is when it's holidays. I've just come back from a few days away staying with family and in a B&B at the seaside. I stood holding their coats watching them on arcade games and rides, and smiling and waving at them, feeling so shit and empty and trying to hold back tears. Trying to sound together and cheery but feeling so alone. Their dad cheated on me so we split 2 years ago. I'm still processing this and they are too... they're still very emotional about it. I love them more than life itself, and they're fantastic people but the weight of what I've done by having kids is enormous... now I have to raise them by myself. I'm so worried about so many things... climate change a major one and what their future will be. When we're out of our routine, I lose my confidence and feel like I'm not enough. It's as if the expectations of free time being fun is all hanging off me and I wilt under the pressure.
Anyone relate?

OP’s posts: |
FiveStoryFire Wed 17-Apr-19 20:23:15

I can relate. You're not alone. I tend to go away with family so that I have some adult company. Would that be an option?

stucknoue Wed 17-Apr-19 20:26:15

I'm dreading it, my DD's are just about adults but one is sen and the thought of holidays feels me with dread but I don't want to stop going because he's won then.

Seniorschoolmum Thu 18-Apr-19 03:28:25

Op, i’m on my own too. It’s hard work.
I split things into those I can do something about - diet exercise, general happiness, and those I can’t - climate change etc. (and yes I know I can do my part)

Your phrase “what you’ve done” in having children - every time you hear them laugh or excitedly discover something new, you should know you’ve done the right thing. You haven’t done anything wrong. Just raise them to be optimistic and considerate, and enjoy their laughter.

You can’t take the world’s problems on your shoulders, they don’t belong there and anyway they would pull you under. You are still getting over the break-up, cut yourself a little slack. flowers

namechangedbutneedadvice Thu 18-Apr-19 09:10:52

Thanks everyone for your lovely replies. Sorry to hear others in similar situations. I slept on and off all evening/night and still feeling tired this morning. My head feels like it's fizzing?!

Fivestoryfire yes time with family is an option and I do this now and again. Will be with them over Easter so that's something to look forward to.

stucknoue sorry you have the additional challenges of a child with SEN. Hope you can find a way through.

seniorschoolmum good idea to mentally split things into what I can change and what I can't. I do my bit for climate change and need to remember this and just carry on. Thanks for your kind words by the way, I don't want to lose the joy I have in them by worrying too much and missing it all.

Their dad just dropped them back so we're having a home day today and will pop out for some groceries and maybe swimming. Hope you all have good days xx

OP’s posts: |
ChloeR81 Thu 18-Apr-19 18:28:31

I have 2 under 6 and have been on my own with them about 18 months now.

Holidays are hard and lonely when you’re the only adult. I only ever go with family, even when I have to pay for them on top of all of us (expensive but I honestly would find it too hard on my own). So I totally understand what you mean and how you’re feeling.

Don’t feel down, it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job and your kids will have loads of happy memories of holidays with you.

RuffleCrow Thu 18-Apr-19 18:36:38

I'm in a similar boat OP. I try and do nice things with them but it's hard not having another adult there to share those moments. Mind you my ex used to stress me out so much I'm actually enjoying those trips slightly more than i did with him. Which is something. cakebrew

namechangedbutneedadvice Fri 19-Apr-19 13:34:22

It's a good point about spending time with other adults... I think I need to balance just being the 3 of us with bigger family breaks.

My ex used to stress me out too, another good point! Some things are definitely easier without him.

They are currently in my front garden doing a lemonade stand... love em smile

OP’s posts: |

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