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Anyone been the one to end relationship with DC's dad?

(20 Posts)
used2bthin Tue 10-Jul-07 21:55:08

Am in such a bad situation. Xp moved out a few weeks ago after lots of rows. We were split before that , had a lot of issues and he felt i didnt work at the relationship enough. Truth is i can't keep on with the on off relationship we had, no energy and just don't want to do it anymore. Anyway he's been quite easy to get on with till now but i've found out it was cos he hoped we'd try again. He is v different now i've said i won't and says i havent tried etc. Poor DD i feel so awful she won't have him to live with and has had to put up with tension etc and feel awful about how unhappy i've made him. Just wondered if it ever gets easier?

PussinJimmyChoos Tue 10-Jul-07 23:01:11

Don't have any experience of this, but bumping for the late night crowd in case anyone can help

aimeesmummy Wed 11-Jul-07 08:16:58

Yes it does. I split up with ex dh and he moved out before xmas. DD is coping wonderfully and the change in her has been recognised at school when at parents evening her tacher said to us that DD has really come out of herself etc etc and "its particularly noticeable since christmas". So she was noticing the stress and tension at home even though we weren't arguing, and we're all far more relaxed now.
I'm at work at the mo so had better go but will post more later, otherwise have a look for my other postings on Lone Parents.
oh just a quickie, we did Relate which was massively helpful, then I did some sessions on my own and they say that kids do the best in the following order
1)where parents are together and are happy
2)where parents are seperated and happy
3)parents together and not happy
4)parents seperated and not happy

So I've moved DD up from 3 to 2...

hoolagirl Wed 11-Jul-07 08:45:30

Have you tried relate or couple counselling?

used2bthin Wed 11-Jul-07 18:29:58

hi thanks for responses. Not keen to do couple counselling as such but may consider mediation of some sort. And i am definately more relaxed now we've separated and hoping we will achieve no 2 on the list. Problem is xp very unhappy and wanted ti try again. v hard.

LittleBellatrixLeBoot Wed 11-Jul-07 18:33:20

used2bethin, it might be useful to go to relate with him

Not to get back with him, but because relationship counselling often shows people that they can't live together anymore, but makes the break up more civilised and manageable than it would otherwise have been.

(You don't need to tell him that)

used2bthin Wed 11-Jul-07 22:53:16

Ah i see good plan! He is being very paranoid atm, saying he thinks i'll turn DD against him etc which is just not true.He has behaved bady in the past so for me i think the arguing etc just made me see it'll never work but he wants to try AGAIN. I just have not got it in me to fight any more, just want to give DD the best i can, just hope he comes round and realises we can do that best separately.

lou33 Wed 11-Jul-07 22:56:58

i split with my h, but it took a long time to make him realise i was serious, and not just "feeling down" as he put it

it does get better, though tbh i felt quite liberated when he finally went

i wouldnt think about going back to him for one second, no matter how much of a struggle it may be in the future

Pinkchampagne Wed 11-Jul-07 23:05:49

I made the decision to end my marriage with my husband of 8 years & the father of my 2 boys.
It hasn't been easy, but I know I've done the right thing in the long run.

used2bthin Thu 12-Jul-07 08:27:55

Thanks, i know its the right thing really and i feel i've been badly treated in the past. It's just the guilt that gets me but i hope that gets easier in time.

SurferRosa Thu 12-Jul-07 08:29:54

Yes, I left DS2's father after he made it exceedingly clear that he didn't want to be in a relationship at all, let alone have a baby. I was 3 months pregnant but felt liberated. He kept on about wanting us back after that, kept leaving me weirdy presents outside the door etc. and seemed to think I was just 'in a strop' - he even sent me a letter as if his older kids had written it, saying how great it would be when we were all together...they didn't even know I was pregnant and he never let me meet them...a load of crap basically. I think his mum made him 'try'.
He got horrid after he realised I meant it, which was scary, but tbh it was totally right for me to leave despite having to take all the blame, because he didn't want to be involved.

(I am quite sure of this now as he didn't even turn up to visit his baby )

SurferRosa Thu 12-Jul-07 08:33:33

#btw he was really nasty as well, which was my main reason for going. I still get guilty feelings too but know I did my best iyswim...he was still trying to make out he'd done nothing wrong last time we spoke.

(Yes, of course I made it up, I really wanted to be a single mum AGAIN and you were just a sperm donor )

allgonebellyup Sat 14-Jul-07 21:22:32

i ended it with both my partners..neither were abusive or bastards or anything like that...just that the relationship had gradually died over time and we drifted apart (both times).

However now i am realising i miss my dh loads (split in march) and all the things he did for me (which i totally took for granted) but he has refused point blank to come back and has since moved on.

(sorry for hijack)

tyeanddye Sat 14-Jul-07 21:35:09

Its a very hard decision,im well known to some on MN for my relatioship troubles,but for me,he made it impossible NOT to end it.
It will all be easier in the future,as to your child,it is better to come from a broken home than it is to live in one!
Good luck and best wishes to you.

peanutbear Sat 14-Jul-07 21:41:48

yes it gets easier I amde the desicion to leave my ex for my own and my sons saftey (XH manic depressive)

He and I know now it was the correct one felt like hell for 6 months though but there is a light at the end of the tunnel

best wishes

used2bthin Sun 15-Jul-07 22:01:21

Just checked this after short mn break thanks for responses, similar situations i think t and d, i can't see how he thinks it could work after everything and he can be a very difficult person, one minute its all fine the next he's very down and has a way of making me feel awful when really things could have been different in the first place!Got to try and get rid of this guilt thing though, its not helpful.

CrookshanksinJimmyChoos Sun 15-Jul-07 22:08:58

Men! <hands choc to used2bethin>

used2bthin Sun 15-Jul-07 22:23:04

Thanks! They r a pain. DD is asleep, i should be too... but am on here. Again. I will never learn!

CrookshanksinJimmyChoos Sun 15-Jul-07 22:24:39

I know and I have work tomorrow! Note to self...get Benylin drowsy tomorrow....

used2bthin Sun 15-Jul-07 22:27:37

medised all the way! Am going it alone tonight, was feeling dso tired i thought it'd be ok. Will get off soon i think and read.

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