Cafcass telephone in

[Mami16]

Hi

Has anyone on here had a telephone interview with cafcass? Could you please give me advice/ your experience.

Thanks

[Hullabalooo]

Following. I'm due a call in the next week or so and very stressed about it. Hope yours goes ok OP.

[Smotheroffive]

All they need to know is that you prioritise your DC in everything. If there is abuse, be honest about it, and state your concerns and incidents.

It's your opportunity to make clear your lives and how you live and look after your DC. Stay focussed on them.

They will give you ample opportunity to speak, so maybe even make some notes about specific points you want to make?

Good luck

[Nat6999]

I had mine over the phone, I never met an officer face to face. They just asked questions about DS & spoke to my new partner as we were living together by then.

[Hullabalooo]

Did their notes accurately reflect your phone conversation?

[Starlight456]

I had one many years ago .

If you have concerns and documented evidence of this share that .

If something is inaccurate challenge . My ex had a caution for assault . She said I wasn’t relevant . I asked why as it was against me and Ds was in my arms . So changed that .

Remember theses people hold a lot of power so be polite and respectful

[Smotheroffive]

Did their notes accurately reflect your phone conversation

Review their written report of your responses during the call very carefully, cross through what's wrong and add what you need to to ensure the document is 100% accurate,don't miss a single dot on 'I' or cross of 'T'.
Take photos of it, do not be scared to challenge what is written, its vital you do.

[Smotheroffive]

To be clear...their written recording of your responses (those made during the call)

[Hullabalooo]

Thanks. This is helpful.

[Mami16]

Thanks. What kind of questions do they ask about the children?

I'm just worried that if I tell them everything he's done and how crap he was with DS that it looks like I'm just slagging ex off.

[Smotheroffive]

You absolutely have to relay to them, any and all instances of abuses towards the DC. This is your only hope of protecting them.

I would draw yourself up a list of the worst incidents, so you can relay what happened and how the DC affected.

It is futile to express your anger to the person listening/recording the call, as they need to hear very specific details.

Do not judge yourself on his behaviour as being you slagging him off....its either true or it isn't, its not 'slagging off' its evets as they happened...keep it factual. X did y to z, caused A & B in DC.

If DC are now bed-wetting,sleep disrupted, suffering nightmares, becoming increasingly anxious, struggling at school, become withdrawn, hurting themselves, wetting themselves, since 'when' then make sure you say so. This is about protecting your dc, not an opportunity to slag off the X.

[Smotheroffive]

Do not miss anything out. Try not be so hard on yourself, if it happened, then tell them,but don't name-call, simply state....X happened on x date, and caused y

[Mami16]

He was abusive towards me but in front of DS, he's only 2, he was distressed when their father would shout and swear and be in a rage.

That's why we had to move out because he kept threatening to move back in till the house was sold but now I'm out he's refusing to sell and now we are stuck in my parents house and starting another court battle to make him sell.

He's done so much but it's all been towards me.

Only concern I have with regard to the DC is how crap ex was with them, not helping, changing them, night feeds, bathing, putting them to bed, getting up in the morning with them and now because we've left and won't go back to that hell he suddenly wants 50:50!

[Hullabalooo]

Do they ask specific questions or just let you talk?

[Smotheroffive]

You should be given the opportunity to say all that you want to.

Do look it up online also. Try not to stress too much,its your opportunity to speak out and voice your concerns

[Starlight456]

I did reach the point in my conversation where I was told I didn’t need to say anything more at that point as she was recommending no contact at that point.

Please let me be clear there were a lot of concerns for my ds’s safety.

I did continue though as I needed all the concerns documenting

[Smotheroffive]

Well done starlight
I believe that could have shut many women down, you continued to get it all docudocumented/recorded, it should not have been said to you.

[Hullabalooo]

What about coercive control cases like mine where he appears as a charming professional but it's all very carefully quietly done so Really hard to prove

[Starlight456]

Hullabaloo you are right . I had cold hard facts and documentation which proved his risk.

Here say is much harder but focus on how it affects your child

[Smotheroffive]

The behaviours are just as damaging, psychological harm takes a lot of recovering from.

Be clear of his abuses, know his intent, write down and bullet point as much as you can, so it easier to relay on the phone and to not forget.

Do you have examples that you can think of?

Times when he's been hard on the DC, you, purely to keep you under control, threatened and intimidated you? Name-called and perhaps tracked your movements, accusing you of having affairs? Have you spoken to women's aid, they can give you help.

[Hullabalooo]

Thanks for this. Will get cracking

[Mami16]

Had a message today off Cafcass and I have my telephone call interview tomorrow morning. Dreading it!

Ex dropped DS off last night and said 'you should be so proud, you've done such a good job I will be telling Cafcass' (recorded him saying this) will be very interesting what he actually tells them!

I've done everything for DS but think ex is saying that now to stop me from telling them everything.

Does anyone have information on court bundle? Ex's solicitor is supposed to do one, why don't I have to?

Thanks

[Smotheroffive]

I agree Mami! Very astute of you to not be fooled by his manipulations, yet another thing to tell cafcass, along with the recording as they will see his manipulations then!

Court bundle is all the paperwork prepared for a court case copies of all letters, evidence, orders, etc. Both solicitors would have their respective bundles, shared and duplicated for court afaik

[Mami16]

I am worried what he is going to say because he lies and lies a lot!

I'm also worried that because he's in the family home that he will get 50:50 because he has a home for them! He did go about this a very sly way and I hope Cafcass will listen to me as it's quite long. Ex demanded that we put the house up for sale last feb then took it down, put it back up in July, had offer from cash buyer in December, both accepted, I was 8 months pregnant and ex was getting worse and worse every handover in the end I had to have my mum with me and stay with me. Started packing and moving stuff out as solicitors were doing contracts and I was booked in for csection in January and no way going back to the house while he still had a key. January came, ex realised I moved out, he pulled out and refused to sign to sell, moved back into the house and now refusing to sell so that's another court case to go through! He's done all this for his advantage to get the children.

And all this happens and he's begging me back and that he's changed and wants another chance. Oh and he's been cancelling the mortgage direct debit so I had to pay over the the phone when I came out of hospital and set direct debit to come out of my account to make sure it's paid, few days later ex phones and changes direct debit to come out of his account, isn't all games with him!

I've got so much to say but scared that they will think that I'm just making all the crap up because there's so much!

How come it's only ex's solicitor that has to do a bundle? Do I get a chance to give my side/view/concerns?

[Smotheroffive]

Do you have a solicitor?
If you don't then call.Rights of Women as the specialists in this particular law. They will know. Look them up online.

If you bullet point your thoughts and stick to it you will get through it all.
What he's done over the house/family home is highly manipulative, its a very good example of it, and this is how you put that across, I.e. I have specific examples of his manipulations, the first one is him succeeding in removing me from the house through lies. Just be brief, and very to the point that you are trying to get across.

By writing it down first you hopefully you express any anger and upset that might come out beforehand.

[Mami16]

Thanks. Waiting for the phone call now. Feel sick!