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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Bringing baby home as a single parent

19 replies

singlemumtobe18 · 09/03/2019 21:05

Hi Everyone,

I'm almost 20 weeks pregnant and my babys Dad left when I was 7 weeks. I'm going to bring my baby home as a single parent and I feel ok about it and so excited for my baby to arrive. I'm just really nervous about her dad's behaviour, he's been difficult since he left and constantly wanting to wind me up and give me grief. I'm dreading what he is going to be like when baby arrives and not sure the best way to deal with it. Do I try and sit him down and talk to him before baby comes? Do I let him come in to my home and cause an atmosphere?

If anyone else has been through the same thing it would be great to hear from you.

Thanks x

OP posts:

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AuntMarch · 09/03/2019 21:36

Sorry no advice here. But I'm just a little ahead of you, due end of June, and will be in a similar position. Only my baby's dad is suffocatingly still very involved (fortunately doesn't live too close so mostly just via text at the moment!) so I'm still wary of how to handle the home coming! I'll be following any advice you do get with interest.

Whoknows11 · 09/03/2019 21:40

I did it all by myself and didn't want my ex around. I wanted it to be a happy moment for my family. My ex chose to leave that for some home wrecking whore so he gave up that right. He visited but for little and often. Just think about you and your baby. That's what matters when you give birth and post natal x

amazingbanana · 09/03/2019 21:46

I would think carefully about potentially putting this man on the birth certificate. You don't have to and it may avoid future issues not to do so. If he's a nightmare now he may well be ten times worse when the kid arrives.

singlemumtobe18 · 09/03/2019 21:54

I've had to ban him from contacting me at the moment because of the stress he was causing.

He won't be at the birth and I want so much for it all to be a special and happy time but fear he will spoil it. He sulks like a child and I don't want that in my home when I'm getting to know my baby. If he hadn't have left in the way he did (left before got home from a work trip and asked a family member to tell me) and wasn't behaving like he is, then of course I would want him involved with everything. I also feel that if I don't let him come to my house all of the time he will take me to court and I really hate the thought of him dragging me through court. He's already said he will only communicate with me via text messages because he wants everything documented and recorded. He has told me that he thinks it's acceptable for me to express milk and him take the baby when she is born for over night visits and he will feed her from a fake breast.....

OP posts:

singlemumtobe18 · 09/03/2019 21:55

@auntmarch it's awful thinking about it isn't it. Something I never thought I would have to deal with x

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Tavannach · 09/03/2019 21:56

I would think carefully about potentially putting this man on the birth certificate. You don't have to and it may avoid future issues not to do so. If he's a nightmare now he may well be ten times worse when the kid arrives.

^This.

Register your baby's birth before you introduce them to their father. You won't be able to name him on the bc if you're not married anyway. He would have to come with you. If he's on the birth certificate he will have parental responsibility, which could impact you negatively in the future. If he turns out to be a wonderful father he can apply for pr at a later date.

If possible get a close friend or relative to stay with you for the first week to help with shopping, cooking and cleaning. You want to try and get as much sleep as you can while you get to know your baby.

Tavannach · 09/03/2019 21:58

He has told me that he thinks it's acceptable for me to express milk and him take the baby when she is born for over night visits and he will feed her from a fake breast.....

He's batshit. Have as little as possible to do with him.

Springiscomingsoon · 09/03/2019 22:05

I wouldn't want him at the homecoming either. After going through labour and have a tiny new born you don't need any extra stress.
My advice is be very clear about everything. If you let him into your home agree the arrival time and the leaving time. I have found all the communication is down to me but it upsets me when timings and expectations aren't clear. Sorry to say it's a long road and very bumpy.

StealthPolarBear · 09/03/2019 22:08

Don't hinge the discussions about overnights on breastfeeding. Because if you then stop before you want to (or in fact whenever you stop) hell assume that's a green light for an overnight. Small babies mostly need their mums, however they're fed.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 09/03/2019 22:14

Totally agree with not putting him on the Birth Certificate.

I wouldn't worry about him talking you to Court either. If he takes you, he pays the Court Fees and I can't imagine the Judge is going to award overnight stays for a long while.

Like Tavan says, can you get someone to stay with you for a few days?

SavoyCabbage · 09/03/2019 22:20

Try not to talk to him any more about specifics like having the baby over night.

You don’t have to have him in your home ever. You can meet in the park or at the library. Or at a playgroup, even if the baby is far too young. It’s a place you can go. This isn’t about his convenience. He’s not the King of Siam,

Don’t, whatever you do, give the baby his surname.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 09/03/2019 22:53

Don’t, whatever you do, give the baby his surname. Definitely this.

amazingbanana · 09/03/2019 23:32

having a baby is hard enough, add a manchild into the mix and it can be ten or 20 times harder! any perceived benefit will be offset hugely by the negative downside of having a twat around, trust me (been there, done that!). you will be vulnerable after having a kid, keep out the idiots that want to make it harder, even if you think it might be "helpful". rely on family, or friends you trust. not a dickhead!

amazingbanana · 09/03/2019 23:33

PS he can't take you to court if you don't put him on the birth certificate!!

NorthernLurker · 10/03/2019 09:18

Make sure you tell the hospital you don't want him there and they are not to let him in or discuss what's happening. They are usually very good about this and it's impossible to get any info even when you're entitled but no harm in stressing the issue. They will appreciate knowing there's a pita ex on the scene.

I agree with everybody else. Don't let him in your home, don't put him on birth certificate, don't be intimidated.

Coronapop · 10/03/2019 09:21

Sorry to say it but you have 18+ years of this to come. Your child has two parents.

singlemumtobe18 · 10/03/2019 09:38

Coranapop - no one disputed my baby has 2 parents??? And regardless of whether a baby has 2 parents, it isn't acceptable for one or either for that matter to behave in a way that causes stress and anxiety to an unborn baby or newborn and it's mother. That's what my post is about and looking for advice. Why comment with unhelpful words?

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singlemumtobe18 · 10/03/2019 09:41

Thanks everyone. Hopefully my mum will stay with me for a few days but my Dad and his fiance live just up the road if not.

I know being a single parent will be hard and I'm not too nervous, Just about him. Thank you for all of your advice. We've got until July for him to hopefully grow up a little bit, fingers crossed :)

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Starlight456 · 11/03/2019 19:05

I would uld ignore any contact from him now and tell him you will contact him after baby has arrived..

No court with give overnight contact to a newborn . If you do breast feed you are advised about expressing for a period of time.

And yes he can take you to court without been on the bc. He can apply for pr through courts too but I too would avoid putting him on bc in the first place

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