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Child with no parents left with young uncle

(42 Posts)
OHolyNightOwl Fri 01-Mar-19 20:14:04

I am posting this for a guy I work with, who is in an awful position and I have no idea how to help him.

My colleague (M) is a single guy in his 20s and has been left with his 5 year old nephew after the aunt (little boys mum) died. As I understand there is noone else (suitable?) who can step in.

M only confided in me today when I asked how he was. He said he is horribly stressed and near breaking point.

The child has been with him for a good few months now and no-one is helping them. The child is traumatised and cries after his mum a lot and M is struggling with what to do and say.

I don't even know what to say to him or how to help. Social Services have been no help and just said he can put the child in the system if needed.

Where can I point him to for help? Financial, childcare, support, therapy for child?

Will send him the link to this thread and hopefully he will join and reply to any questions himself.

OP’s posts: |
LovingLola Fri 01-Mar-19 20:17:09

How very sad and difficult for them both. Is the little guy in school? Can M access help through them ? Eg counselling?

strawberryredhead Fri 01-Mar-19 20:17:27

That’s awful... can he afford to pay for therapy himself for the child? Does he have any support ? Could he join some kind of support network that foster parents use - even though he’s not a foster parent there are some similarities?

MrsBertBibby Fri 01-Mar-19 20:20:50

Here's an NHS page with some charities who might help. Bereavement counselling for the pair of them sounds essential.

MrsBertBibby Fri 01-Mar-19 20:21:05

www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/children-and-bereavement/

HopeAndJoy16 Fri 01-Mar-19 20:21:28

That sounds so tough for your colleague. It's really sad the social services have been no help. A good place to start would be his local children's centre, they should have family suppprt workers who can visit at home and offer support/signpost to more support. Maybe getting in touch with a bereavement charity would also be useful, they will know how to support children who have been bereaved and may know how to get practical help. I'm guessing the nephew is at school, would they be able to help put in place pastoral support/counselling for him?

StillIRise87 Fri 01-Mar-19 20:22:52

Has he looked at Winstons Wish? I hear that they are very good.

MrsBertBibby Fri 01-Mar-19 20:23:31

School should also be able to help with referrals for counselling etc. Has he talked to the school?

bobstersmum Fri 01-Mar-19 20:23:52

How difficult for both of them. I can't imagine how he's coped. And the poor child

GiveMeSteam Fri 01-Mar-19 20:25:32

I was going to say the same about Winston’s Wish.

Would I be right in assuming that your colleague has lost his sister? So presumably he is grieving too.

GoGoGadgetGin Fri 01-Mar-19 20:26:02

Not expecting you to say where you are but if you Google 'kinship carers support groups' in your area, they can give advice.

OHolyNightOwl Fri 01-Mar-19 20:27:21

M said the child has not yet been enrolled in school as he had to move to stay with M. I think..I'm worried I am getting details wrong. He is NOT back in school anyway.
How can Social Services let that slip for months?

It is all so sad and horrible. Sending link to M now!

OP’s posts: |
GiveMeSteam Fri 01-Mar-19 20:27:49

www.winstonswish.org/helpline/

Helpline info, a very informative page.

rightreckoner Fri 01-Mar-19 20:29:33

God that's awful. Could Gingerbread help with practical guidance as to benefits etc if he is effectively now a single parent? They have a fantastic parents' helpline which can be hard to access because demand is so high but could be worth a call for signposting to benefits and so on.

MrsBertBibby Fri 01-Mar-19 20:30:21

Has he sorted out parental responsibility for the child? Say if he needs any legal pointers. Might not be a good time, mind.

Has this child moved from one local authority area to another to be with him? Which Social Services has he approached?

Wouldyouorshouldyou Fri 01-Mar-19 20:33:14

Definitely speak to the school for help to support the child. SS aren't likely to be able to help as they are so stretched with child protection issues. Depending on how the mother died you might be able to access support from charities working in that area or consider community groups, beavers etc.

GP for him to get help and support. Well done for talking to him about it. Keep checking in on him it will make all the difference. It's the little things. Others things that might be ok for him (but make sure he won't be insulted) make him food, bake him a cake, a pie for tea. Look after him, make him a drink from time to time etc. I don't know if you would want to go as far as offering to have the child for an hour or so just to give him some space.

This is such a sad situation.

OHolyNightOwl Fri 01-Mar-19 20:33:42

WhatsApped him the link, sorry I have so little information that I can't answer the questions.

OP’s posts: |
Wouldyouorshouldyou Fri 01-Mar-19 20:35:40

If the child is not in school is there a health visitor about? Children's Centre is s really good suggestion. I really feel for them.

AveEldon Fri 01-Mar-19 20:38:29

How is he managing to work if the child is not going to school? What is he doing for childcare?

pud1 Fri 01-Mar-19 20:39:12

Is there a homestart in his area. They can provide help by way of a volunteer to support him. They may also have additional projects that may suit his needs. They are also excellent source of guidance as regards signposting to other local services. He can just call them and refer himself to the service

OHolyNightOwl Fri 01-Mar-19 20:42:59

M has been working from home and paying baby sitters. Work are now being complete arses saying he has to take unpaid or annual leave to sort all this out. He is off for 3 weeks come Tuesday.
He told me he is running out of money.

We only had a 30 minute conversation and I was so shocked I'm worried I am getting details wrong. Hopefully he will pick up my message soon.

OP’s posts: |
user1486915549 Fri 01-Mar-19 20:52:02

That’s sad and shocking.
Are there any grandparents ?
If he could get the child into school he could then access other help.
Would M even consider foster care ?

Atthebottomofthegarden Fri 01-Mar-19 20:53:29

He needs to get school sorted ASAP. For both of their sanity and the support school can offer. Poor guys 😰

AnnaComnena Fri 01-Mar-19 20:57:00

I think M should see about getting the little boy into school asap. It will give the child some routine and stability, and school will be able to point M to other sources of help.

Is he claiming child benefit and anything else he might be entitled to?

OHolyNightOwl Fri 01-Mar-19 20:58:19

Thanks everyone, as always, Mumsnet rocks when it counts. [group hug]

M has not picked up the message on WhatsApp, so I will check in with him tomo again. I will copy and text all links to him as well.

OP’s posts: |

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