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Does a huge age gap in a couple make for bad parenting?

(12 Posts)
kimliz Fri 06-Jul-07 16:30:26

I'm 38 & my partner is 20. Please dont judge I do it everyday. He wants us to have a baby together...what are the thoughts of the world???

expatinscotland Fri 06-Jul-07 16:31:29

No, why would it?

EllieG Fri 06-Jul-07 16:33:17

Nope. My DP is 43 and I'm 29. I'm gagging to have a baby and I think he makes a fab dad to his LO who is 8, and will make a great one to any child we have together.

EllieG Fri 06-Jul-07 16:34:02

Do you want another baby? Am presuming you have one sorry

Marne Fri 06-Jul-07 16:36:31

Dh is 39, im 25, we have 2 dd's age 1 and 3, i think we make a good team [grin

nomdeplume Fri 06-Jul-07 17:27:54

No it doesn't.

What makes for bad parenting is when one parent has completely different ideas to the other when it comes to childrearing

aimeesmummy Fri 06-Jul-07 18:34:12

Definitely not! My Dad was 23 years older than my Mum - they got married when he was 47 and Mum was 22...! I was born the following year, middle sister the year after and our baby sister (little accident apparently!) was born 10 years later - so Dad was 59 and Mum 34. Both great parents. I remember a few issues about the time Dad retired, when Mum would have been not a lot older than I am now (gulp!) and he died aged 76, when I was 29 and baby sister was 19 and Mum was 52.

However, it would appear to be more socially acceptable for an older guy to be with a youger woman and father kids into his 70s but there's, admittedly gutter press, negative reporting if it's an older woman and a much youger guy.

Anyway, I'm 37 and I'd give my right arm for an energetic 20yo to show a bit of interest in me .

Just a thought... he's not looking for a mother figure or something is he??? How were his parents with him? Also, have a think about 15 years time when you're 53 and he's 35. How long have you been with him? Sorry if I'm being nosey but am genuinely interested - it can work, I've seen it, but as you get older and one person hits middle age and beyond, there may be difficulties. But there's always issues to overcome in any relationship, isn't there - an age gap is just a different type!

I reckon go for it, good luck xx

jo25 Fri 06-Jul-07 18:57:36

No, i don't think it does, i am the same as EllieG, i am 29 my dh is 43 and i think it has made no difference to how we have raised DS 4.8. We both share every job (house work and childcare) we both work and we both make individual and family time together with DS. My point being we are signing from the same hymn sheet, so to speak, and that whats makes a happy family, IMHO. Not what age or background you come from.

oliviaelanasmum Fri 06-Jul-07 23:34:04

Im 25 and dp is 42 and we have 2 dd's (5&2) and another due in september! The age gap doesnt really affect us even though he is only 11 months younger than my dad who is his best mate.

Electroma Fri 06-Jul-07 23:39:50

Not at all. Age does NOT matter at all.

kimliz Tue 10-Jul-07 12:50:58

we've been together for about 4 months now and "news flash" last night he was talking about us getting married.! I told him that he has to propose properly, with a ring but the point is, that he wants to...even before I get pregnant...I really appreciate all of your comments & to be honest, it really does make me feel alot easier about our situation.
Thank you all.x

AramintaAlice Fri 26-Sep-08 12:18:05

I'm currently married to a lovely man of 22 and I'm 41. We have just had our first baby and everything is lovely. The baby has 6 older brothers and sisters from my first marriage, who all adore him and all the children adore my new husband - including my oldest sons who at 18 and 16 are not much younger in years. In actual mental state though they are far younger and I think thats the key. My husband isn't a typical 22 y/o at all. He's responsible, sensible and cares very much for my older children.

What ruins it the most is other peoples attitude - they can be so judgemental. What difference does age make if you get on perfectly? We laugh hugely ALL the time and rarely argue. When I tell my children how guilty I feel about the split from my first husband they all tell me they're much happier now and prefer the atmosphere in the house. (They still see their father regularly, but he was soooo grumpy all the time when we were married. I think he took it all for granted).

When I ask my lovely husband why he doesn't want a young girl he can't really understand my question. He doesn't see me as 'old' anyway and genuinely can't see why everyone makes such a fuss about youth. He says I don't have wrinkles (wink he knows how to play it) but that looks aren't everything anyway (but of course he thinks I'm beautiful, hehe!!). My body doesn't really look any different than when I was 20, I still have a flat tight tummy after 7 children but I do hate the way I see my face has changed - he doesn't agree and maybe your lovely man is the same. He also doesn't want an endless string of meaningless relationships like his friends who he says are never truly happy as they change relationships all the time or get let down.

Wow, I've got so much more to say but am worried about droning too much, so I'll stop for now grin.

Go ahead and I hope you have a wonderful life with him.

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