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Ugly Envy

(12 Posts)
technotstarnotechstar Sun 24-Feb-19 22:56:10

Does anyone else suffer from overwhelming envy? I have a sibling who I love but everything has fallen into place for her so easily and she seems to have everything I want. I feel childish but it is ruining my relationship with her. She wants kids - gets pregnant straight away , gets the gender and age spacing she hoped for, is happily married, doesn't have to work, regular holidays, lives in big house with garden, has a social life because has babysitters and can therefore build friendships and go out for meals with friends and partners.

It's so frustrating that she has all this when I work about a hundred times harder and live in a tiny rented flat with a balcony and struggle to get by. I wanted a big family and don't have one. I just want to scream its not fair!

I know we can never know someone else struggles but truly I don't think she has one. In fact, I feel like I know a lot of people who live these comfortable, easy lives where everything goes to plan and they have never had to struggle.

I do realise I am lucky to live in a safe country and have a roof over my head and a child etc etc. But it doesn't stop me feeling angry at my situation. I wanted more children. I hate having to have my child in childcare all the time because I have to work long hours. I am lonely and skint most the time.

I can hardly bring myself to talk to her now which is sad. The last straw is her deciding to do something I have always wanted to, but am unable to due to certain life circumstances.

Anyone else ever feel like this? Any advice on overcoming this feeling?

OP’s posts: |
Rtmhwales Sun 24-Feb-19 22:58:24

I sometimes used to feel this way about my own sister but just recognized she made better life choices than I did.

A year ago she got cancer so now I don't bother wasting my energy being envious and I work at improving my own life, solely for me.

cestlavielife Sun 24-Feb-19 23:02:08

Life isn't fair
You don't know what is round the corner for her (Or you)
You life won't improve thru being envious. Wasted energy.
Your kids will grow up eventually
Book some cb t counselling thru your gp If you can

lovely36 Mon 25-Feb-19 14:21:31

Well I have a similar situation but I don't feel envy for her I am happy for her. My sister is a dentist. Her husband is a criminologist. They both get paid very very well. To say the least. However, she worked very hard for what she has. She stayed up hours and hours studying and working sacrificing having fun for studying for exams and such. She worked hard for everything she has and to be honest didn't get to have fun while being 18-27. She went to uni for about 8 years!! Insane. I on the other hand had a ball in my young years and decided to become a teacher. Now I get paid sht and live with MIL at the moment. Don't even own my own home or have my own place. My sister has a massive house and is now building a house in Mexico by the beach to vacation in. She's rich, successful, married and is absolutely lovely. We all adore her. I don't hate her or feel envy I think I feel frustrated that I didn't work as hard as her. It's not too late for us though!! I'm thinking about starting a new career with better pay. You don't have to stay where you are ether! You also can have all those things but we need to work hard to get them! Is there anything you're passionate about that maybe you can peruse?

lovely36 Mon 25-Feb-19 14:22:35

Pursue* typo

donajimena Mon 25-Feb-19 14:26:55

My brother has a charmed life. We've both worked equally as hard and yes, he's definitely made some better decisions than me but he's also much more intelligent than me and I couldn't ever get to his earning potential.
Its easy to say rise above it but you have to. Then work upon what you CAN do to improve your own life.

Bluntness100 Mon 25-Feb-19 14:30:39

Well it's very sad if you're already lonely that you are killing this relationship too due to envy,

Can you think of the positives of your life? You have a roof over your head, a child you love, food in your tummy, and people who love you.

Envy is a very damaging emotion when not managed correctly. You need to stop comparing thr two of you, literally force your self not to. As it will just bring more misery.

Messyisthenewtidy Mon 25-Feb-19 14:32:00

OP I totally understand you. I have no answer. Life isn’t fair and doesn’t turn out as we plan but the only thing you can do is concentrate on your own life and ignoring hers for no other reason than it will drive you insane if you don’t.


bettycat81 Mon 25-Feb-19 19:39:41

I used to. Absoloutely understand why.... then my sister had dc4 who was born with a serious illness and I now feel absolute guilt for all the negative thoughts I've ever had!

beanaseireann Mon 25-Feb-19 19:49:33

OP life is unfair but I read on Mumsnet that "Comparison is the thief of joy."
You know what - it's true !
So try not to compare. Easier said than done I know.

RollerJed Mon 25-Feb-19 19:56:24

You would probably think I was like your sister, but there have been some great lows for me while my life now is great, it wasn't always.

My dsis is really struggling and I'll do whatever I can for her as I love her.

It's ok to feel some envy that can motivate us to change what we can.

bluejelly Mon 25-Feb-19 20:14:26

Remember feeling very jealous of my DB as he had a great job, was in a settled relationship, had a great house and lots of swanky furniture. Whilst I was a single parent with no money and 'dating'.
10 years later I've met the love of my life, my career has taken off and I've got a fairly decent house. Not flash but comfortable.
My poor brother is really struggling work-wise, his house is in a state and his partner has proved to be rather hard work.
On the plus side we have both supported each other in tough times - and that's what really matters.

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