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What now, if ex doesn't seem to want to see his son?

(4 Posts)
SurferRosa Wed 04-Jul-07 13:03:03

I arranged for ex-p to bring his older kids to see the baby a couple of weekends ago. He didn't come despite having made a great hoo-ha about it. He didn't let us know.

I still haven't heard from him and it's starting to sink in that I can - almost - relax a bit, for the time being. But the truth is, I can't really write him out of our lives, can I? I mean, he could front up any old time, making noises about access, and I wouldn't be able to prevent it as far as I can see.

Has anyone experience of ex partners showing a real lack of commitment, then turning up a few years down the line...I'm trying to get a balanced outlook as to what we can expect.

I have been told that if he shows a blatant lack of commitment, this will count against him in future - is that correct?

Thanks - you know me on here but I had to name change last week.

Wisteria Wed 04-Jul-07 14:24:40

SR - sorry to hear this, sounds crap tbh.

It is unfair but I think they do have this right, especially if he pays maintenance.
Bumping for you anyway in case anyone has better knowledge or experience.

I know my xp picked up and put down his kids, it seemed on a whim, with no thought for anyone and is probably still doing it - so unfair on them as they are lovely boys and deserve a much better Dad than they've been saddled with.

I have a friend who refuses to let her ds see his son unless he's paid maintenance but personally I think this is wrong too.

It's a hard one for you either way x

Dumbass Wed 04-Jul-07 14:24:53

I think it depends how long the lack of commitment goes on for. When we went to court I was told that the fact ex hadn't seen ds for 1st 3 years didn't matter, what was important was that he had had sporadic contact with him for the last couple and he now wanted to have a relationship with him - and he was obviously serious about doing it as he was paying to take me to court. It didn't go against him at all esp. as he implied it was my fault he didn't see him for 3 years and i wasn't allowed to speak in court to deny it!

brandy7 Wed 04-Jul-07 18:15:20

from what ive learnt on other forums it seems dads can show no interest whatsoever for years, go to court and be given contact as it is their right as a father. basically the law lets a mum do all the hardwork early years on their own and when its time to play footie/go swimming the absent dad can turn up and within 6months be having unsupervised contact

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