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Gross over reaction or Justified concern?

(18 Posts)
wirral Sun 01-Jul-07 22:52:46

Hi. I just want to run this by you for opinions / advice.

My ex had our daughter this weekend and took her camping in a tent. He didn't tell me he was going and did't tell me where they were.

Our daughter has come home a bit subdued tonight and has said the following:

I was told to fuck off by a teenager.

There was a boy there showing his willy.

I cried on the 2nd night but couldn't phone you as Dad hadn't got any credit on his phone and had drunk too much to drive to phone

I don't really want to raise this as an issue but I can see that daughter (she's 7) will now be reluctant to spend time with her Dad and as he insists on having half the holidays this may cause a problem in future.

Am I over reacting? Should I react? Or do I just let this go over my head and not stress

LyraB Sun 01-Jul-07 22:55:46

Hmm, how old was this boy showing his willy? that's a bit worrying if he's older.
Can you ask him to keep a closer eye on her next time or will that cause problems? If you do nothing you'll just worry yourself sick next time she goes away with him.

ViciousSquirrelSpotter Sun 01-Jul-07 22:57:13

Not an overreaction

Your DD has come back subdued and upset by it

And eh should have told you he was taking her camping in the first place. Grossly irresponsible not to.

wirral Sun 01-Jul-07 22:58:50

Thanks for quick reply - as you can tell - can't sleep for pondering about it.

No idea about age of willy boy - suspect he wasn't that old.

To be honest I'd possibly just shrug all this off myself as they are just part of growing up and learning that not all people are nice. But that said daughter is very subdued and bit clingy tonight

MrsScavo Sun 01-Jul-07 22:58:56

You need to speak to your ex about this. I wouldn't be happy if this had happened to my DS's whilst with my brillintt DH.

Too drunk to drive, or had 2 beers, and wouldn't drive? I'm sure she did want to phone you, but it was sensible of your ex not to drive, and I think it was reasnoable of him to have a couple of beers. It's so hard to know what went on, without being there. These incidences could have happend to my DC, whilst with my DH. He's a good man, but I wouldn't be happy. Speak to your ex, and see what he says.

UnConfident Sun 01-Jul-07 23:00:21

What a wanker.

How dare he take your dd away & not tell you.. and then not to have any credit in his phone is just plain old irresponsibility!!

Where was her dad at when this boy was showing your dd his willy?

And what kind of man gets drunk when he has sole responsibility for his young daughter.

I'm afraid I would be on the phone to him ASAP & lay down the rules to him. She may be his dd too, but he has to start acting like a dad instead of a pissed teenager.

wirral Sun 01-Jul-07 23:03:43

Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned the drink aspect. I don't mind him having a drink ( I am very guilty of that) and I doubt that he was drunk. Is this just life and she needs to toughen up? What do you think I should bring up in conversation with him?

Thanks all for your help. You really don't know how much I respect your advice

mummytosteven Sun 01-Jul-07 23:11:00

I don't think it's fair him not telling you or her about the camping in advice.

No need to go in all guns blazing - just say that DD didn't enjoy camping, and to discuss it with you next time he's thinking of taking her away on a trip.

Nightynight Sun 01-Jul-07 23:33:58

IMO that is too much for a 7 year old.
I would be a bit worried if she thought seeing a willy was scary, aged 7. I would want to know the circumstances, and if the boy did anything threatening.

I would also not be happy, that a teenager told her to fuck off, and her father did nothing about it. where was he, on both occasions?

Also would not be happy that, aged 7, she knew or believed, that her father was drunk. Not responsible. Presumably he has plenty of nights when she ISNT with him, to get drunk so why choose a night when she is there, to drink too much.

Tinkerbel5 Mon 02-Jul-07 09:44:08

He is irresponsible, sounds like he shouldnt be looking after a dog let alone his child, he should have made you aware he was taking her camping, think you should ask him why he didnt make you aware of his plans ?

throckenholt Mon 02-Jul-07 09:49:44

I would ring him - and say no accusations - but this is what DD was like and what she said when she got home.

It would be worth him knowing why she might not want to go next time.

Not much either of you can do about the first two - but the phone thing is easily remedied.

And it would make sense to let you know where they will be (as presumably you do if you take her away too).

ProjectIcarus Mon 02-Jul-07 09:50:40

that sounds crap tbh. I would hate anyone to take my kids somewhere that I didn't know they were going.

Do you have an old phone you could get a payg sim for so she can contact you if it happens again?

MrsWeasley Mon 02-Jul-07 09:55:03

I would ring him and ask if anything happened at the weekend because DD is very subdued and clingy? give him a chance to tell you himself.
Then say you will try to talk to DD again and get back to him. Ring again(Later, next day?) as tell him what DD has said.

ViciousSquirrelSpotter Mon 02-Jul-07 13:29:05

Ooh Mrs W you are machiavellianly clever

MatNanPlus Mon 02-Jul-07 13:37:43

Nifty plan Mrs W.

No accusations, plenty of oppertunity for him to mention troublesome aspects of w/e and then if nothing your clear calm statement of DD view of the past w/e.

Not very safe surely to have no credit on phone, i know 999 calls don't require credit, but even so.

wirral Mon 02-Jul-07 13:48:40

Would have been ace advice Mrs W but unfortunately I spoke to him ths morning. I did stress that I wasn't angry/accusing etc (every bloke in work has laughed at that saying that he would assume that I WAS angry and accusing just because I'd said that!)

The swearing and flashing occasions happened when he was putting up tent and taking it down. Daughter was away playing with friends. He said that he had been unaware of the flashing until told much later by daughter.

He denies daughter wanting to call me. I normally would believe him but she was so specific that Daddy had had 2 pints and couldn't drive her to a phone ( no way she would know about 2 pints being near/over driving limit).

I did say that I want to know where and with whom they are going in future and ex agreed. I also said that I would be phoning in future to speak to her. The only problem with that is I have always held off phoning when she is with him as I don't want to make her feel homesick etc.

I don't want this to escalate into criticising him for what he does when she's with him as I don't want to have to watch my every move when she's with me. I have a drink etc, however I wouldn't have taken her camping on a weekend when such bad weather was forecast nor would I have let her stray too far away from me. It's difficult!

ViciousSquirrelSpotter Mon 02-Jul-07 20:39:56

Get her her own PAYG mobile

Only for use when she goes to Daddy's.

That will solve one problem

brandy7 Mon 02-Jul-07 20:42:37

not over reacting at all, how irresponsible.

tell him to get pissed on the other half of hols when he doesnt have her

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