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Daughter behaviour. Help.

(12 Posts)
FREYASMUMMY2015 Mon 21-Jan-19 20:21:44

Hi.
My daughter is 4 next month. I am a single working mum and my daughter is in nursery with the 30 hours free. My daughter has been having meltdowns for months whilst I was trying to potty train it was like I was battering her when I tried to get her in the tiolet. She has meltdowns over any little. Thing and screams at the top of her lungs. She never seems to want me she is always asking for her dad and after I pick her up from. Her dad's on his weekend I am. Always met with her running away from. Me and shouting I don't want you. Go away. She has started to physically hit and kick teachers in nursery. Whilst in nursery she had 2 reports from seniss and they have said that she can't handle her emotions she had no socal skills and she is very sensative. She dosnt like change she needs to be given plenty of notice before even going into another room in nursery. I am being pulled in nursery all the time about her and its stressing me out. I have no idea what to think or why she is doing it. When I ask her why she hides and says don't look at me. She even kicks off at me in the school yard and I don't know how to manage her anymore. I feel like am. Always shouting at her and I feel terrible. We have an appointment with the paediatrition next month but am. Worried about what they will say. She my little girl and I don't want anything wrong with her. But I feel like such a bad mum becUse am always telling her off. I don't knkw what to do with her anymore I feel lost and a bad mum because I can't seem to. Manage my own daughter. Had anyone else had the same problem or words of wisdom that can help please.
Thank you.

OP’s posts: |
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon Mon 21-Jan-19 20:35:12

Sounds like she is finding life confusing op.
Can you make her a timetable for her week? Pictures /stickers of what she will be doing with you /her df /in nursery?
Keep a diary and put something in it every day.
She may settle down if she can see df written into her week, plan simple little things to put on the timetable for the 2 of you to do, Tues make cakes maybe? Wed watch Frozen? So she can realise fun stuff happens with you too and her df will be there on x day.
Try and look after yourself too, catch up on some you time when she is with him. Keep your mind occupied. You are her dm, she is finding her feet with 3 places to be that's all.
flowers

bloopertrooper Mon 21-Jan-19 20:36:32

How long ago did you split up with her dad?

FREYASMUMMY2015 Mon 21-Jan-19 20:50:26

Thank you I will try doing.time table I have done fewRd charts and stuff with her but it's so stressful.
And me and her dad split when she was 3 weeks old. X

OP’s posts: |
Ozziewozzie Mon 21-Jan-19 20:53:02

Really great suggestions from Aprilshowers.
I found, it’s all too easy to become a reactive parent. Being proactive is far more successful (sometimes easier said than done)

To ease the transition between df and you, maybe you could arrange a treat dayon that day, ie park, friend for tea, go for a grown up cafe treat or chips on the beach ( depending on where you live)

Kids make up or bath bomb from lush. Anything to break the norm. Your dd could actually be shattered from a full day are at nursery. Some kids get really crabby when tired, especially when coupled with adjusting to when dads moved out.

Could dad support you? Does he experience issues with dd?

Ozziewozzie Mon 21-Jan-19 20:55:02

Just read df split when a baby. Does df have new girlfriend? Is everything ok between them?
I’m assuming he wouldn’t be derogatory about you to dd?
My exh did this to me and my ds (4) found it really difficult.

FREYASMUMMY2015 Mon 21-Jan-19 21:12:32

It's a great idea and am. Gonna try it. Her dad has a gf Yea and from what I gather it's all good and NY little one seems to like her. But they do spoil her at the weekend they are able to take her the zoo and all these places I cNt becUse well am skint. As av been left with a mortgage and all the bills Nd my money has been cut an I only work part time. And I thi k so times that has somthing to do with it but I canf be sure. And Yea she does kick off with him at times as well but when I have spoken to him about it and saying to be on same page about things he just says nothing to do with me why she's like that like I have cUsed it.

OP’s posts: |
Ozziewozzie Tue 22-Jan-19 08:34:01

Hi again Op,
Sounds like a lovely supportive Dad NOT!
Don’t worry about them spoiling her. It’s exactly this that can sometimes create the problems. However, it’s consistency and balance that prevent them.
Don’t try and compete with your ex. This in itself can overwhelm your dd and it adds pressure to you.
I have 5 kids and I found the cheapest things are by far the best.
Every Friday night, (whikst I was a single mum with 3 kids) we’d drag down their mattresses. I’d sleep in the fifa and we’d have a movie night, watch movies, have yummy snacks. Even if all 3 kids had a friend each to sleepover, their friends ds would want to join in. Doesn’t cost very much at all. No worry about shipping them off to bed. It was so lovely. All 3 are 21,17,16 now do ibviously it’s stopped.grin

Going for a walk with a torch in the evening having a hot chocolate and biscuit on a bench somewhere. It’s things like that kids love. Just you and her. I’d still take the kids out in the rain so it was more exciting. Then afterwards bubble bath.
New gf of guys with kids often begin with being (step mother of the year) but it can often wear off. Same with bf of mums with kids.
Your ex is an arse and a neglectful parent. A child’s well being is BOTH parents responsibility.
It’s all very easy to pick up a child, spoil he or she and drop her back.
Don’t give up. You can do this. If you daughter has massive tantrums when she comes back from her dads, etc just stay really calm, quiet calm voice and just stay close to her to reassure her. Offer her a cuddle and tell her you know she feels sad but you are there to help her feel better. Eventually your offer will be to good to resist. Even if she’s screaming, don’t raise your voice to be heard, just keep talking softly.

FREYASMUMMY2015 Tue 22-Jan-19 08:54:28

Thank you. I just find it all stressful as work arnt helping very much when it comes to being family friendly. I never thought of bringing her mattress down the living room I will deffo be trying that thank you for your support xx

OP’s posts: |
Lonecatwithkitten Tue 22-Jan-19 10:28:23

I think you need to write everything down before you see paeds and get nursery to write down what their concerns are.
There may not be an underlying condition and if there is, I know it is not what you want to hear, but if there is something the sooner it is diagnosed the sooner both her and you can get the help you need.
Until you go to paeds it maybe worth having a meeting with nursery and agreeing a plan with them so that your DD gets consistency from everyone.
I would write to your Ex after you have the meeting him telling him nurseries concerns and the plan you have made. Expect him to tell you this is not a problem for him, she is probably holding it all together with him, but you have informed him and at a later date he won't be able to play the 'you never told me' card.
As others have said often the simple things can be the best sitting together doing a craft activity, play a game or watching a film. Going for a walk jumping in puddles, kicking up leaves, collect leaves or conkers all are great fun at her age.

FREYASMUMMY2015 Tue 22-Jan-19 10:43:34

Thank you. Reading the reports they have wrote from seniss it looks to me their trying to say she's autistic. We like to watch fil. S but with her behaviour and melt downs am scared to go out with her on my own for very long. I know thy sounds terrible and I am a horrible mum for saying it but I don't knoe how to cope when she melts down. X

OP’s posts: |
Ozziewozzie Tue 22-Jan-19 21:08:34

Coping with a child having a melt down is hideous for all of us. We’ve all been there. Just yesterday in a car park, a poor mum had a son who was raging. I felt so sorry for her and desperately wanted to help. When my dd was 3-4, she was a nightmare in the supermarket. I would dread doing the weekly shop. So embarrassing.blush
You always feel as though you’re the only one with a child who behaves that way, but the truth is, most kids kick off for one reason or another.
One day, you’ll hear a screaming child and you’ll look at your dd, and the noise won’t be coming from her. The feeling of relief!!grin

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