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Contact with father

(12 Posts)
Mommaof Thu 17-Jan-19 21:30:22

Hi I have recently split up with my baby’s father. He is 5 month old and breast fed. I have said he can have him 3 times a week for 2 hours at a time, he is not happy with this, am I being fair or not? I just can’t bare thinking about my baby leaving me any longer than that sad. He is refusing to pay child maintenance and just being an arse!

OP’s posts: |
DangerMouse17 Thu 17-Jan-19 21:32:51

Is he on the birth cert?
If being by then you need to do what is best for the baby actually. Rather than him "have him" can he come to you a few times a week instead??

DangerMouse17 Thu 17-Jan-19 21:33:20

If being bf *

Mommaof Thu 17-Jan-19 21:37:14

Sorry “have him” did sound awful 🙈 yes he is on the birth certificate! Iv said one baby is on solid food he would be able to have our boy for longer periods and over night but as it stands being with me is the best option. He would never agree to coming round to see him, in his eyes he should be able to take him when ever he wants

OP’s posts: |
BrokenLink Thu 17-Jan-19 21:39:54

Two hours is probably the maximum a breastfeeding baby can be away from his mum. Three times a week sounds like a lot of separation. Contact between the baby and parent needs to take into account the baby's developmental phase. For the time being his relationship with his mum is paramount and needs protection. Relationships with dads and other family members build gradually over time, as the baby is more able to tolerate separation from mum. A more natural contact arrangement would be for the father to see the baby with you present. If this is not possible because of the risk of conflict and upsetting arguments, it may be necessary for a third party to be included to try and keep things amicable. Trust your maternal instinct and for not allow him to put his wants before the baby's needs.

Mommaof Thu 17-Jan-19 21:44:36

Thank you that is really good advice and everything that I did think! He thinks I’m doing this just to be bitter but I’m not and I wanted a second opinion off somebody I don’t know to tell me I’m not in the wrong for giving those hours/days. I’m just feeling really confused about the whole situation. Thank you

OP’s posts: |
DangerMouse17 Thu 17-Jan-19 21:45:08

Nothing wrong with saying have him...I was just using your phrase that's all smile

Ultimately he doesn't have an automatic right...it's got to be in best interests of the child and right now the best thing for baby is that he is with YOU as his source of food. So a few hours a week is perfectly fine if ex refuses to come to you more often. That's his choice to limit his time!

Then when suitable that time can be extended, but don't feel pressured by ex to rush or stop by early.

DangerMouse17 Thu 17-Jan-19 21:46:14

Stop bf *

My autocorrect is annoying me!

Mommaof Thu 17-Jan-19 21:48:42

He came by today to pick him up but he was 20 mins early but text me to say bring him out at 4 as arranged. And I said why are you being pathetic you could have him extra time and bring him back earlier if needed, and he just said nope! Stick to what you arranged. He is just being pathetic. Iv never understood him and never will

OP’s posts: |
DangerMouse17 Thu 17-Jan-19 21:52:03

Who broke it off?

Unfortunately my ex used my ds as an excuse to hassle me. Sounds like he is similar!

Mommaof Thu 17-Jan-19 21:56:56

I broke it off as he kept going out drinking and then wouldn’t come home and just played mind games all of the time so I told him to leave. A week later he is practically in a relationship with a girl he had cheated on me with whilst pregnant! I took him back after the baby was born as 1 last shot at the family, but it only lasted 5 months. He isn’t hounding me at all, his ego wouldn’t let him! He’s just making me feel awful for the contact agreement

OP’s posts: |
Starlight456 Thu 17-Jan-19 23:36:56

ok if he is a game player don't engage..if he wants to loiter outside.let him.. Any response encourages him.

Refuses to pay maintenance don't engage go to CMS..

The less he has to argue about the less interest he will have.

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