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Co-parenting advice in a bad situation

(2 Posts)
Fakehungarian Tue 15-Jan-19 16:13:14

Hi lostandalone. Your situation sounds really complex and I think you're right to have concerns. I don't think I'd want my child in that kind of environment either.
I don't know what the solution is but if it were me I'd be getting some advice from someone like gingerbread, the lone parent charity. They have a free helpline.
I hope you find a resolution.

Lostandalone323 Tue 15-Jan-19 09:45:10

Hi I'm looking for some advice on my current situation with my ex partner.

We have a 6 year old together we separated when he was 2.

He originally lived alone and had my son overnight. After a year he met a new partner who quickly became pregnant, they lived apart, she had 2 older children already and stayed with my sons father at weekends while they were at their own fathers house. I had some concerns about her and the whole situation in the beginning that I tried to raise with my child's father but was basically told to mind my own business and it caused a lot of tension so I bit my tongue for the sake of our child and trusted his dad to ensure his wellbeing.

As my son has got older he's told me of constant arguments in the house which he finds upsetting. I've spoke to his dad about this who had ensured me it wouldn't happen and they were just minor arguements.

They have since had another child and now all live together, he 2 oldest, and 2 new children and she is now 6 months pregnant again.

The past year a lot has came to light about the situation over there, my son was coming home covered in bites which I questioned as being bed bug bites. His dad denied they were and said they came from the garden and only after weeks of this happening admitted their house is full of them. My son has told me he doesn't brush his teeth there so I've repeatedly sent toothbrushes and reminded his dad to brush them. He's came home dressed in the same clothes including socks and underwear on many occasions to which his dad has said were washed and put back on. The last few months as my son is older and can talk in detail about situations he's told me they argue none stop, explosive arguments with screaming, swearing, slamming doors which usually ends in his dad leaving the house. a few weeks ago police were called because of an argument when my son was there, his dad played this down. I've now found out social services are involved in the family, for what reason I don't know as his dad plays this down too and has said it's due to the housing situation and the bed bugs and social services are trying to get them moved. My son has told me he's been sent out to play with the 2 older children alone away from the area and cried as he couldn't find them and was scared. The older children have been stopped on many occasions from seeing their own dad as he is an alcoholic and has been emotionally abusive towards them, this has affected their behaviour and they have had meetings at the school regarding them, the last month my sons behaviour has really went down hill, he's angry a lot, he's started using curse words that he can only have picked up there and started hitting. His father has a bad temper and so does his partner from what I've heard.

I've spoke to his dad on many occasions to try and sort this situation he either plays it down, apologises or makes empty promises.

There are many other things that I don't have time to list but basically I don't want my child in that environment and after seeing how it's affecting him need to put an end to this.

I spoke to his dad last week about it all and he was surprisingly understanding, I said I didn't want him staying there and being around all the chaos he said he was on board with this, I said that it would benefit my child to have one on one time with his dad, and also time with his younger siblings but not in that environment. We agreed he'd see him alone at weekends with no over nights for a while until the situation improves, I've said he can come
Here, take him out for the day, take him to his parents or to his own house which he still owns and sits empty. He was completely okay with this until this weekend.

This was the first weekend this arrangement was due to start, we arranged the night before him coming over, then last minute he said he was coming with his partner and all the children. I refused this as it was not the agreement and I'd already spoke to my child about how he would be spending time today with just his dad which he was really excited for.

after sending me abusive texts and phone calls all day he eventually turned up in the evening for half an hour, and apologised.

Since then he's sent more abusive messages and accused me of keeping his son from him.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want my son in that situation but want him to see his dad. My fear is that if I don't let him go to his dads house he won't visit him at all. I've gave in to his dad for years for the sake of my son but it's got to the point where my son is suffering because of this.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

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