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Absent parent back in the picture.

(9 Posts)
calmsealife Sun 13-Jan-19 16:59:21

I was wondering if anyone had any experience of an absent parent wanting to come back into a child's life?

My DD's father hasn't been involved for two years but has reached out about being in her life again. I told him to give me a bit of space to get my head round it. I tried so hard for them two years to get him involved but he didn't want to know and said some pretty hurtful things. But now he suddenly expects me to accept it when he reaches out, frustrating.

I just want to do what is best for my daughter. Does anyone have any advice. Many thanks.

OP’s posts: |
Whoishe Sun 13-Jan-19 19:27:26

Does he pay maintenance? If not, sort it through cma. This could show whether he intends to be a responsible dad. How old is your Dd? Is it possible to start written contact to see whether he sticks to regular contact?

C0untDucku1a Sun 13-Jan-19 19:29:20

Has he paid maintenance for the past two years. Obviously you'll get people telling your theyre not connected, but not taking any responsibility for feeding his child speaks volumes about him as a father.

calmsealife Sun 13-Jan-19 19:43:02

Thanks for the replies. Yeah he has paid maintenance every month (private agreement) I know it's in the best interest for my DD (she is 3) to have a relationship with him. Our lives are use to him not being around, she even says I don't need a daddy I have you mummy.
Do you think it's best if I meet him in person first without my daughter and tell him my concerns and what I expect of him. He lives an hour and half away so from what I gather he would only see her one weekend a month.

OP’s posts: |
C0untDucku1a Sun 13-Jan-19 23:21:16

From what you can gather?! Well, no thats not good enough. Ask him what uos actual plan is. There needs to be a regular commitment.

Has he got a new girlfriend?

whatsthepointthen Mon 14-Jan-19 00:13:02

I would be very very cautious! my ex is also absent and contacted me after around a year he seen our children for abit then got bored again and left! It was very hard picking up the pieces and really effected the children. He shouldnt get to
pick and choose when he wants to be a parent. Unpopular but I would probably ignore.

Lizadork Mon 14-Jan-19 12:39:03

Meeting up first seems like a logical idea and he can't expect to be able to just take your child (especially for a few hours, never mind a weekend) without first building up a relationship with her likely in your company. Short visits and often until they build up a bond/trust and then you can only then look at him taking her for an hour or two at a time.

Starlight456 Mon 14-Jan-19 12:56:48

I would ask him what has changed . Can he commit . Yes He doesn’t get to take her for weekend. Build up slowly . Either he meets at soft play so your dd still has you there .

If it goes ahead I would then tell him it’s his final chance . As imo coming and going is very damaging to dc too.

QwertyLou Tue 15-Jan-19 21:23:14

Has something prompted his interest- maybe a new girlfriend? What would be different this time - eg, is new girlfriend going to keep on his case and make sure he shows up every month without fail?

If a “relationship with Dad” is only going to mean getting messed around and let down.. I don’t see how that will benefit your daughter. You sound like a great mom flowers

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