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50/50 residency

(6 Posts)
motheroreily Mon 07-Jan-19 16:13:07

Ive been separated for over 3 years. I left my husband because I was so unhappy. I moved out the family home with my daughter and rented somewhere. He's very angry about this and said i destroyed the family, our daughters childhood etc. However, it wasnt a decision i took lightly and i was so unhappy.

Our current arrangment is she lives with me and stays with him fri-sun 2 weekends in 3. Previously she stayed there every weekend. So it took a while to get to this point. I work full time but am hoping to reduce my hours.

He can't commit to a night in the week because of his work hours. However, he is planning to move in with his new partner and then have 50% residency. 1 week there and 1 week here. So the partner can be there and drop her at childcare if he is working late/early.

I'm not sure about this suggestion but am trying to separate my feelings about him as a husband and what's best for my daughter.

She is 6. I think this routine could be unsettling. I don't think he can rely on his partner to provide care potentially all week. I also worry he'll turn our daughter against me and gain sole custody. He is very disrespectful and undermines me. He will put me down at every oppotunity. I never rise to it and have got better at ignoring it but i worry about what he says to our daughter.

She wants to see him more. I know he's discussed this arrangment with her already.

I was going to suggest every other weekend and 1 or 2 nights in the week. But then might it as well be 7 days alternating?

I didn't get 50% of the house because I couldn't bear fighting. I also feel guilty that i left (but i was so unhappy). I dont mind about the house but i dont want to get worn down by him again.

I dont know whats the best

OP’s posts: |
Starlight456 Mon 07-Jan-19 22:04:23

Firstly stop feeling guilty for leaving . That is done and not done lightly.

Because he wants it doesn’t mean he gets it . Do you both live close to school?

Guest275 Tue 08-Jan-19 03:35:31

You should do it. 50-50 works great for many families.

motheroreily Tue 08-Jan-19 09:31:51

Yes we both live close to the school and a 10 minute drive from each other

OP’s posts: |
Guest275 Tue 08-Jan-19 13:10:55

If you live so close to each other and your daughter wants to see him more often I don't see why would you say no. I agree with other poster there's no point to feel guilty for leaving.

Eternallycurious Thu 31-Jan-19 23:03:02

Your child may find it unsettling. 6 is very young. She will also have to get to know new partner. Why can't she stay put with you and you just increase the hours he sees her? It doesn't sound like you and your ex have the type of 'relationship' needed yo make this split work effectively for your daughter

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