This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Exh wants to take dc on holiday(7 Posts)
Exh has asked today if he can take dc 4yo on holiday next year....
Bit of back story- he has always had contact one day per week... Is known for liking a drink at the weekend and doesn't know when to stop... Argues a lot with his girlfriend when drunk. My worry is that he will not act responsibly when he has dc especially if he is drinking... What should I do??!!
Is he taking the gf too?
Problem is that if he took you to court, he would be allowed to take him on holiday. If your son is at school, the only control you may have is saying no to a term-time holiday.
Does he drink to excess when he has DC?
Yes gf would be there too... He has only had 2 overnight stays in the last few years ... The most recent of which he took dc to the pub and drank for several hours and was drunk.
I agree re court which is why I hate to say no but naturally I want to protect dc
It is difficult. I think you should propose some overnight contact for DC's benefit and suggest to ex that you should both review based on how DC copes with it. 4 is still small and a week away having not had that before is quite a lot. You need a build up to it. That's what's in the child's best interests.
I would put in an email to your ex that you don't feel long visits to the pub are in DC's best interests and that you would hope your ex can agree with you on that. It won't stop him but if you do end up in court it shows you have raised the issue.
Actually, if he took you to court he might not be given permission because of his drink problem.
He needs to build up from daytime care to overnights, then weekends, long before a holiday should be considered and he needs to prove he can care for your child without getting drunk.
Write down the dates of the two times he has had him overnight and notes about what happened on those occasions. Then keep recording all further attempts at overnights. You may need this as evidence in the future.
If hes able to sleep without you i see no problem. Its fine for you to ask of you can talk to both in somewhere puplic so you can just say im fine with him going but i know its common sense and im sure you wont but remember hes 4 and you cant drink whilst taking care of a toddler especially abroad where he might get sick suddenly and will need you to be alert. Say it in a kind way but also like obviously ypu wouldnt be so stupid to but... so that they know you do not consent to them drinking at all without having to say dont drink.
Please login first.