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When is it acceptable for him to pay less

(13 Posts)
Light11 Sun 16-Dec-18 21:11:05

Hi all,

I have just joined the site to try and get a second opinion, I can't really ask friends or family for fear of stirring up bad feelings in the family.

My ex husband and I divorced a year ago, for some part it was acrimonious and we are still finding our peace. It is getting better.

We have one son who is 4 and is lovely as all children are.

As I am in the process of changing jobs I have had to look at my finances and I requested the evidence of how my ex husband worked out how much he should pay towards his childcare. He was very dismissive. I looked at the government website and I can tell with some certainty that he is very likely to be underpaying me (long story) roughly between 30 to 50 £ per month.

We are lucky and grateful that we are not in need. I have always earned more than he does but I need my finances to be clear. I much rather have an honest discussion than him deciding on a random amount.

When is it ever acceptable for a man not to pay the statutory amount of child maintenance? Would you mind? He has no other children and is earning enough to support himself comfortably.

He is very confrontational and resents me for earning more than he does.

Not sure if I am being unfair but want to do the best for my little one.

OP’s posts: |
Snowwontbelong Sun 16-Dec-18 21:12:22

Let cms deal with it.
You have at least 14 years of dealing with him about money.
Leave it to the pro's!

delilahbucket Sun 16-Dec-18 21:13:47

I would personally set up a CMS case now. That way there is no room for changing the amounts and he will pay what he is supposed to. They don't backdate so contact them sooner rather than later.

PerverseConverse Sun 16-Dec-18 21:18:01

CMS all the way. Even if on benefits it's £7 a week to pay. If you don't need it to help with everyday living expenses then save it for uni/house deposit/your child's future in general. Don't the fact you earn more put you off claiming what is rightfully your child's.

Light11 Sun 16-Dec-18 21:32:31

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond, I am in favour of CMS as I would rather put the money towards the little ones future, but the ex was really defensive and told me he would rather I didn't, he has a way of making me doubt myself...

He just bought himself several sailing courses... hmm

OP’s posts: |
bumbother Sun 16-Dec-18 21:45:34

Maybe he doesn't want you to use it towards your DC's future as then he'll look like a twat if he doesn't contribute in a similar way.


Get every penny your dc is entitled to, and do with it whatever you think is best for your child. Because your ex clearly won't.

PerverseConverse Mon 17-Dec-18 06:35:10

It's not up to him! He doesn't need to know if you spend or save it either. If course he doesn't want you to contact the cms as then he can get away with paying less! Wake up woman and get on the phone today!

Mayrhofen Mon 17-Dec-18 06:53:13

He has booked sailing courses for himself, whilst knowingly underpaying support for his son? 😤

RitaTheBeater Mon 17-Dec-18 07:35:08

Absolutely you should get the money and put it aside for when you need it.

Four year olds are fairly cheap. One day your ds will be a teenager. He will eat ten times as much as he does now and his school shoes will be £60. And he will grow out of them instantly because he just ate half a chicken when he got home from school.

There will be school trips, sports equipment, driving him all over. My friend just had to buy a new car because her 13 year old didn't fit in the back of hers.

ArnoldBee Mon 17-Dec-18 07:41:20

I guess the question is what is your agreement? So for example are you wanting the statutory amount to be paid every month? Are you happy to receive what you get now but may be have a contribution/all extra expenses paid like school trips, music lessons, school uniform etc? You have 16 more years of co-parenting to go so consider wisely.

Berthatydfil Mon 17-Dec-18 08:42:39

From your op it appears he isn’t paying the CMS amount. This is the MINIMUM he should pay (and doesn’t actually reflect the real costs of bringing up a child)
He’s paying less and wants to reduce it?? But he’s managed to book sailing lessons - admittedly I don’t know too much about sailing but suspect it’s not a cheap hobby,
What a shit.
Go to the CMS and get him to pay the correct amount.

goldengummybear Mon 17-Dec-18 10:57:04

Go to CMS or you'll have arguments forever - Does he really need Clark's school shoes? Why does he need to learn an instrument? Did you pick nursery A because it's £20pm more than nursery B to cheat me out of money? Etc

Starlight456 Mon 17-Dec-18 16:52:49

Yep Cms means no further discussions on the subject.

I they also review yearly so no relying on him to tell you about a pay rise.

What does he mean he rather you wouldn’t . What does he think the money should be spent on . Not that that is his decision

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