making friendships with school parents as LP

[fluffums]

hi all, I'm a LP and have really struggled to engage with other parents at DDs school... in fact I find the whole school run very anxiety inducing (I have some social anxiety - self diagnosed but I think I do!). I find the whole school gate thing often confounding.

My own anxiety issues aside I am wondering if anyone else feels being a LP might have an element of stigma attached to it whilst trying to make new parent friends via school or whatever. Have you found other mums dads might treat you differently?

For instance I find it hard to chat to dads because I worry (and sometimes feel like I sense) that they and / or their wives might think I have ulterior motives that I most definitely don't...!

And I do wonder if coupled up women / men will judge me and will be less likely to befriend me because I am a LP...

I'm sure a lot of it could be my own issues as social anxiety but I'm interested to know if others have suffered stigmatisation because they are a LP when it comes to making parent friends at school / outside of school. It could be in my head - I know. Just curious.

[ghostsandghoulies]

I'm assuming that your child is primary school aged.

I'm a LP and have Aspergers (so I'm socially awkward) . My friends in the playground are generally friends through my child. Having children who are friends is a natural conversation starter and if their child thinks highly of yours the. It's even easier.

I talk to the Partners/husbands of friends and there's no danger of it being seen as flirty as I'm not dressed up nicely and am not tactile etc There's often a younger sibling/baby hanging around and other parents might join/leave the conversation. I didn't do play dates until the child didn't need their parent to stay so didn't do stuff like invite a Dad to bring their child round to mine but if we bumped into each other at the park then it's fine.

It rarely comes into conversation that I'm single. The only time it comes up is when I can't make events because another kid has to be picked up or something.

[Starlight456]

I was the same when I first moved to new area as no one knew me. Now I really don’t care.

I think if someone is worried I am chasing their partner that is there insecurity not my issue.

[Looneytune253]

To be fair, upon initial conversations in the school yard they would have no inkling of your marital status so I think you’re overthinking it

[Phillipa12]

When i moved back home after my divorce my eldest started his new school and 2.5 years later i still stand on my own, they are not a friendly bunch in that playground! My ds2 has just started school, at a different school and the playground is totally different, i happily chat with both mums and dads, they know im a divorcee. Sadly i find its just the school, both draw from affluent areas and teaching standards are high, but that dosent mean the parents will automatically be friendly.

[CandyCreeper]

I have 3 children at school and have not made a single friend. i dont think its the LP thing for me but it could be!

[CandyCreeper]

That could be true about it just being the school, none of mine have ever been invited on playdates or to parties either! apparently thats totally weird but probably only inviting people they are friends with

[fluffums]

ah thank you everyone.

I think it's the whole school gates thing makes me extra paranoid. I guess mums, dads etc often don't want to make the effort and it might not be about me, more about them.

It's just hard when repeated efforts to make friends don't materialise and does get you thinking about why. I'm not looking to make lifelong buddies but people just seem stuck up or completely indifferent...

[knowingkaleidoscope]

Most of the parents at my children's school are nice enough and most people say good morning etc but I still more or less stand on my own but I don't mind it rather be in and out.

[thighofrelief]

I found there were a lot of other LPs really willing to make friends. The marrieds were friendly enough but don't have the companionship hole in their lives we do. Do the school do any coffee mornings or do they have a linked community centre with coffee mornings?

[Parent999]

Completely understand the stigma thing, I feel incredibly jealous of the married couples who just go about their days working together. As a man I constantly feel judged but know my ex spreads lies on her days so I’m extra paranoid.
Anyway I made friends (not deliberately) by asking other parents about school events, mufti day, welly walks, which days they wash pe kit etc. I’ve made friendly acquaintances this way but wouldn’t call them friends. After getting some of their numbers I’ve asked them if they want to join us at park after school. Then it’s on to organising play dates. Try that.

[Procne]

My son is in year 2 and I have absolutely no idea of the marital/ partnered status of any of his classmates’ parents, including ones he’s had play dates with.