Loneliness & Life

[2under2crazy]

Long rant!
So from my name you may have guessed that I am a mother of 2 under 2. Eldest is 19 months and youngest is 6 months. I am married but I class myself as a lone parent. My OH is very rarely around, he leaves for work before the kids wake up and 90% of the time gets home after they have gone to sleep. The other 10% he makes it home in time to kiss them goodnight. This is 7 days a week. When he's not working the whole weekend he's spending time with his other 2 kids from his previous marriage. They live 2 hours away so he spends the weekend with them. The last time he took a day off to spend with us was over 4 weeks ago and he spent the entire time on the sofa because he was tired. He loves the kids, and he acts genuinely disappointed when he doesn't see them, but it's been getting progressively worse since we had them. He used to spend every other weekend with me, not even think about working, and he would get home and help me around the house. But since I've had the babies he just works and works and then gets home has a shower and sits on the sofa waiting for me to make dinner. I do everything in the house, cooking, cleaning, food shopping, washing, ironing everything! If I ask him to do something he acts like I've asked for a pound of flesh. Let me be clear, he is kind and loving and is never verbally or physically abusive to anyone. It just seems that he has checked out. I ask him why he is always working and he says that because he is self employed he has to. We aren't rich, but we aren't struggling either. I would easily forgo frivolous spending if it meant I'd get to spend more time with him. I'm currently sitting on the sofa with both of my kids and feeling so lonely knowing that they won't see him today or tomorrow either. They both go to nursery a couple of afternoons a week so that they have some social time and I get to have time to sort the house out, plus I have my own business that I spend a couple of hours a day on to give me something to do & to pay for nursery. My family aren't really the type to help out with the kids and very rarely ask how I am, it's always about them. Sometimes I feel that it's worse because I am married, it's almost like we are being forgotten by him. And because I sit home all day and wonder when he will be home I make it worse for myself. He doesn't call or text when he's at work, he will just turn up. Then I have to scramble to make dinner and then afterwards I do the cleaning. I love him so much but he's making my loneliness worse by continuing to carry on with what he is doing even after I tell him how I feel. I don't know what to do.
To all the single mothers out there I salute you. You are superhero's in my eyes.
I don't know what I'm looking for, I just needed to get it off my chest. Be Kind please!

[knowingkaleidoscope]

You need to ask yourself why are you with him? What does he bring to yours and the children's lives apart from money? Can you see yourself living they this in years to come?

[hmmwhatatodo]

He needs to start pulling his weight a bit more. He needs to give you an idea of what time he will be home. Can he take one evening a week where he comes home at a reasonable time ? Surely he can if you aren’t struggling for money. Or could you do a bit more to make up for what he would lose out on in this case? It sounds miserable. I guess having his children over on a weekend every few weeks isn’t possible?

[hmmwhatatodo]

What time does he get home? Tell him to do the washing up every other night. If you keep doing everything then nothing will change.

[Sunshineandreign]

Sorry to be harsh but what you are describing is in no way comparable to being a single parent.

1. You work for something to do and pay nursery fees. You are not as a single parent is, the one solely responsible for all of your kids financial needs as well as your own.
2. He sees your kids each evening where as his kids being raised by his previous partner see him the odd weekend.
3. You state that he is loving and caring- A lot of single parents do not have an ex partner who is, in fact many have to contend with hostility from them.

I'd suggest posting on the relationship board as you may get tips on how to improve your marriage there If that is what you want to do.

[Hotchocolate18]

Agree with above