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Family court. HELP

(7 Posts)
Firstmom264 Mon 03-Dec-18 17:04:21

So if some of you have seen my previous threads you’ll know my situation. If not, here goes...
So my sons dad/my fiancé committed suicide over 20 months ago and since then his parents have blamed me for his death. I saw a solicitor a year ago and he advised me to not retaliate to anything and I haven’t. There has been so many nasty things wrote on social media about me and it got to the point that the police had to go and warn them to stop before things get worse. But they haven’t stopped and the police didn’t seem to want to get involved. I’ve got a folder full of statuses, saved messages that I’ve kept over the last year and a half. The parents have NO intention of being nice or civil to me and I’ve got no doubt that they would fill my sons head full of rubbish..
Anyway, they now want to get a child arrangement order in place after a year and a half of not seeing him and hurling online abuse at me.
I’ve got no knowledge of court proceedings or what happens in court. Has anyone got any advice? Obviously I’ve said I don’t agree to contact but what does everyone else reckon will happen? I’ve also written my statement ready for court about what’s been happening over the last year and a half. Someone give me some advice please! Stressing!

OP’s posts: |
Hehx3 Mon 03-Dec-18 20:34:13

Hi I cant offer specific advice im afraid, with child arrangement order court and caffcass are going to look only at whats best for a child so if you can present your position and concerns why you think they are not fit that will be a stong one. Try to remove your hurt and emotions out of it, just facts, facts, facts. In my personal view they have low chances based on what you said but perhapps look for a solicitor advice- they have experience dealing with different cases so are able to judge outcomes.

lifebegins50 Mon 03-Dec-18 20:53:07

How old is your son?

The first hearing is likely to order a cafcass report who will make a recommendation.

Hard to second guess the outcome as the other side will put their case, which no doubt will emphasis why contact needed.It is then down to the view of a judge.

My dc were old enough to make their own voices heard and Cafcass made the recommendation to go with their wishes & feelings. Cafcass officer did suggest Ex needed to see someone to have a healthier relationship with his dc..however I found cafcass seemed desparate to have balance and not slate Ex, they definitely watered down the dc's views.I know it's because they are often aggressively cross examined in court if they are seen to be partial.

Horrible for you to go through. It will be a stressy time but lean on friends or a counsellor.

Firstmom264 Fri 07-Dec-18 02:04:10

Thanks for your reply! My solicitor thinks their chance is slim but there’s always the risk of it going in their favour. My son doesn’t know who they are. He hasn’t seen them for half of his life now and all the hurt, tension, bitterness and hate is going to rub off on him. Just makes me feel sick thinking about what kinds of things they would feed into his little mind!

OP’s posts: |
OliveSeaTurtle Fri 07-Dec-18 02:44:35

Hi there, sorry that you're going through this, it sounds very stressful. I haven't seen the other posts so I don't know all the specifics but I'm sorry for your loss.

What's the reason that you don't want your children to see their grandparents? It might be important to them, especially as they get older since their father had passed and their grandparents may be the closest thing to him.

If they do genuinely believe how you treated their son contributed to their child committing suicide (even if this not the case at all). You could understand their upset although it's not appropriate to write negative things publicly, Grief can do awful things to you and it's a shame that they didn't show more restraint, but again we all don't know how we would act if our child had died and we thought someone's actions contributed directly to our child ending their life.

Personally if it was me, I would do mediation with the family and explain that they need to be more respectful towards you and permanently stop any negative comments and you can build a relationship and they can gradually build up seeing the grandchildren as you don't trust them at the moment to not say negative things about you to them. If they respect this then they see the grandchildren but if they can't do this, then it won't work out.

Then main point in what I'm saying is: sadly children have lost their father (not undermining you losing your fiancé, I'm sure you're still heartbroken too and miss him and it must be hard being a single parent after that). But children do come first, and they have lost their father. It might be important to them for them to be able to establish a relationship with their fathers family. I know if I were to have lost one of my parents then I would want this. Or if my DP passed away, I would let my children see his family (most of his family I don't even like! But I still would, for the children).

But to answer your main question, any friends that have entered family court are normally favoured if they're the main resident/full custody parent. It's not common for other family members to be given legal rights against the residence parents wishes that I've heard of.

But it should be a last resort battling in court and letting an outsider make the judgment weather your children can see their deceased fathers family or not. Mediation would be my suggestion, for the children's sake.

Starlight456 Fri 07-Dec-18 17:00:25

I do remember previous posts .

I cannot see how anyone blaming the death of their dad on their mum is in the best interests of the child.

Is the abuse still continuing if so go back to the police.

With Cafcass make this about your children . Use facts , screen shots anything you can prove to prove your point.

What contact did they have prior to dad’s death? I think previous relationship had a bearing but I am not in the legal field at all.

blackcat86 Fri 07-Dec-18 17:10:38

Remember that they currently have no legal rights to DC. I would be evidencing a lack of consistent, regular contact for a start. Did they send regular Xmas or birthday presents? What have you done to try and promote the relationship including before the passing of their DF? Then comes the information about them badmouthing you and being untrustworthy. I would offer mediation if only to show that I'm the one trying. Then if they start blaming you it's witnessed by someone independent and you'll have a really good reason to end mediation.

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