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Just had CSA on the phone...exdh and I have to have interview with them

(9 Posts)
Ulysees Fri 22-Jun-07 18:00:29

As some of you know exdh and I have had to get the csa involved. He wasn't paying me except dribs and drabs for shoes etc...and as I'm on benefits they have to be involved.

Ex has the kids 3 times a week on average but it varies. He's told csa he has them half the time but they told me he said 4 plus nights per week. Now I'm feeling as if I should cut the number of nights he has them as I'm scared he'll go for total custody. I know this isn't to do with the csa payments but just another worry of mine.

I'm annoyed with ex now as if he'd only paid me regular payments then this wouldn't have happened. We'd been getting on ok, mostly for the sake of the kids but I doubt we can now? Once again CSA involvment has only added to the stress a split causes Ex is so bloody stubborn that he's going to dig his heels in.

Does anyone know how many nights I legally have to let him have the kids? He works full time but has been juggling his work to be able to pick them up etc...
I know I probably should think myself lucky that he wants them so much but I wonder if he has an ulterior motive? Just a gut feeling I have. It's all so confusing now, I don't know what to do for the best

Rosasmum Fri 22-Jun-07 22:34:06

I am pretty sure that there isn't a legal ruling that stipulates how many nights a non-resident parent has their child. It should be something that works for your children & both of you.

Do you really think he would go for custody? Having them full-on is very different from having them a few nights a week. I doubt that a court would give him residency just because he has them 4 nights a week. I think the prefer to courts leave the children with their Mother unless they are at risk there. The more nights he has them a week, the less you will receive in maintenance. http://www.csa.gov.uk/en/PDF/leaflets/new/CSL303.pdf Have alook at page 18.

I know how it feels to have a gut feeling about something and not be able to let it go. Try not to let it eat at you too much.

charliecat Fri 22-Jun-07 22:37:58

If he has them 4 nights plus then he is the main carer and should be claiming the child benefit etc and the CSA will be chasing you for money?
Be really careful, have a look at the CSA website and possibly the Income Support one too.
What a nightmare.

Ulysees Fri 22-Jun-07 23:26:20

thanks for the posts. I'm dreading the interview. I'm not scared of official people, ex is a solicitor and I mixed with them a lot. It's just I know he's going to get all arsey. Such a shame as the kids have been doing so well
He doesn't have them more than me, at most half the time but that isn't regular.
I've decided he can have them 3 nights from now on and am not going to let him bully me into letting him have them more.

charliecat Fri 22-Jun-07 23:33:36

I think that will be best, can you get to BAB before the interview, see what they say?

harman Fri 22-Jun-07 23:40:53

Message withdrawn

Ulysees Sat 23-Jun-07 09:34:51

thank you again for your support, it means so much xxx

thanks for the link harman. I know you're right but don't want to risk him going for that plus I want my boys with me.
I really saw red last night as it came to me that when we were together he mostly came home at 7pm or near enough. Now he's taking all this time off and spending all the time he can with the boys. Just wish he'd done it before Don't get me wrong he's an ace daddy but he's ....well.....annoying the hell out of me!!!

harman Sat 23-Jun-07 09:46:12

Message withdrawn

Ulysees Sat 23-Jun-07 13:24:17

yes never thought he was probably avoiding me? He was a workaholic and circumstances mean he can't be now, nothing to do with the kids just work trouble, he may even lose his business. But he can go fly, I've seen my arse and he's in for it

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