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Feel so sad that ex gets to play happy families with our son after abusing me

(4 Posts)
Nicelunch25 Sat 24-Nov-18 21:39:20

Just that really. My ex was abusive - verbally, emotionally, sexually and "low level" physical stuff. I've not been near anyone since I left 4 years ago but he has had various girlfriends and has introduced our son to the latest one. He's also told her that he was the wronged party. Most likely that I left him for no reason. He told me no one would ever want me as I am used goods from having kids. Now he is with a single mum of 3 kids. He gets to be in a family unit when he robbed me of my chance to be a nuclear family. I want to try and be amicable with him but he was so horrible to me. When my mums cancer came back he told me that he hoped she died and he made it difficult for me to visit her. Yet he has a loving mum who babysits for our son on the rare occasions ex takes him. I was doing well and am generally very happy without him and appreciate all the stuff I couldn't do when I was with him (so much stuff like seeing friends, buying toys and clothes for the kids). How can I get over this recent anger towards him? I've done so much counselling and listening to spiritual stuff but it's like a kick in the guts when my son tells me what he's been doing with daddy and his gf.

OP’s posts: |
Starlight345 Sun 25-Nov-18 14:16:55

My advice is distance . No point been amicable . Speak only about arrangements. Don’t tell him anything about your personal life .

As much as you want to be amicable only works if he does

Parent999 Tue 27-Nov-18 14:12:41

You're possibly more unhappy about your situation than you are about his. In my opinion these feelings usually hang around when the other has done wrong but appears not to suffer any consequences.
If the family is what you want then go dating. Or better yet join a meetup site for single parents and enjoy some days out. But my suggestion is to concentrate on making your life what you want of it. Find a nice guy with kids of his own and before you know it you'll be feeling more indifferent about your ex.

By the way, the grass always looks greener, your ex is most likely no where near as happy as you are imagining.

MummyAndSon17 Sat 08-Dec-18 10:33:39

It's completely normal to feel the way you do, so don't try to convince yourself that it's not. By the sounds of it you've been through a great deal with this man and it could be a possibility that he still wants control over you, which your giving him by worrying about this. Don't think too much into the family unit part that he's created. You don't know what's going on behind closed doors. He could be doing to his new partner what he done to you when you was with him. Just keep looking forward. You've gotten away from a toxic person. Just continue to work on yourself and those feelings will go away

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