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Ex asked for cm back.

(13 Posts)
bettycat81 Sat 17-Nov-18 08:29:44

Short story as the title says... My exH has asked for ths week's cm back! He says he hasn't been paid and needs it to pay rent.

Long story - we split up 7 years ago due to his gambling addiction. I ended up having to file for bankruptcy and he didn't make the divorce as easy as it could have been. Contact with DS has been on and off although better over the past year the same with cm. Any periids of no contact or no cm are backed up with excuses of no work, being kicked out of where he's living, not being paid, people stealing his money, the banks fault.....

He currently pays well over what cms say he should. This is because, I believe, they think he is either unemployed or on unemployment benefits and as I knew otherwise I was told to report him for tax evasion. I told him this and my payments went up. I have no idea of what percentage of his earnings he pays but always said I thought the cms 12% figure was being fair.

I know he is gambling again as he has been spotted at the slot machines.

The request call was only brief and I was expecting another call last night to discuss further. IANBU to say no am I? He needs to keep a roof over his head but I need to do the same for me and DS and although I could maybe do it at a real stretch he could well be on a path to another period of no payments/contact.

OP’s posts: |
Starlight345 Sat 17-Nov-18 16:43:36

I wouldn’t give it back. Chances are he has been paid gambled it away and will do the same with the cms.

Doyoumind Sat 17-Nov-18 16:48:03

There couldn't be a positive outcome from you giving him the money could there? You miss out on the money and he uses it to fuel his habit. It won't help him.

LonginesPrime Sat 17-Nov-18 16:55:33

Definitely refuse - that money is for your DC. If you set a precedent that it's not actually needed and that you can live without it, it will be a slippery slope and he will start to justifying not paying on the basis you can take it or leave it.

He's already paid it to you and he needs to see it as a proper expense - would he ask British Gas or council tax to sub him a short-term loan??

He's taking advantage of you and the fact he even asked you speaks volumes about his priorities.

YANBU. Absolutely say no.

Julia1111 Fri 23-Nov-18 01:03:04

It's actually to provide dc with quality of life. .. dad in lots of debt and no home? .. I'd do it once only and never again and only for the sake of my child.

abbsisspartacus Fri 23-Nov-18 01:07:54

Tell him it's spent on your rent/mortgage etc

MadeForThis Fri 23-Nov-18 01:19:39

It's not spare cash or fun money to gamble away.

He didn't prioritise his rent when he was gambling.

If you show him you don't need it then he will use that to justify not giving it to you again.

theworldistoosmall Fri 23-Nov-18 01:26:31

Oh well. Remind him that it's Friday and he can chase up his work to find out why he hasn't been paid. They can have the cash in his account by the end of the day, and he can then pay his rent.
If his workplace cannot pay today they will be able to tell him when it will clear, so probably Monday and he can let his LL know he will pay on Monday. Problem sorted. Not like he will get evicted over the weekend as, by the time the LL serves notice and takes him to court, this weeks rent will be fully paid.

To suggest that he will have no home because of one late payment is staggering. Cannot believe anyone would buy into that manipulative bullshit.

bettycat81 Fri 23-Nov-18 14:55:30

It's a week later. I didn't pay it back. Was told I was being very unreasonable and he wasn't very nice.

But all seems well now and I have been paid this week.

OP’s posts: |
theworldistoosmall Fri 23-Nov-18 18:10:15

Good on you for telling him no. He will start to see you aren't the pushover he wants.

Isitweekendyet Fri 23-Nov-18 18:12:53

'Sorry, I needed to buy DS a new coat and he's outgrown his pyjamas - nothing left'

End of discussion; if he needs a loan he can go to Wonga or the bank, not the Mother of his child.

Isitweekendyet Fri 23-Nov-18 18:13:39

Sorry just seen this is a week old! Good on you for not paying it back

SummerStrong Fri 23-Nov-18 18:16:03

If you give it back you are sending him the message that you don't really need it and can do without.

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