Baby Dad appreciation thread.

[Poppylizzyrose]

(Sorry if this is long)

I read a lot about single mums having a tough time with their exes. I’m wondering if anyone of you out there get along very well with yours? Co parent well and attend birthdays together?

If he pulls his weight and has them regularly, calls them, buys them what they need. Generally does a good job.

I’m semi hopeful I have a good egg on my hands. We hadn’t been dating long, when I realised we weren’t ever going to be long term and I wouldn’t develop feelings. (already had third date sex ect and didn’t know I was pregnant)

Anyway I ended things and we parted ways, only to have to make the call “you’re going to be a Dad” he took everything so well, so well I wonder if it’s a bit weird sometimes...

He’s been literally over the moon about baby, he’s sat there with his mum always early for every scan, (I put my foot down at midwife appointments) I’ve been treated to meals meeting family ect we’ve had general catch ups. I let his mum and nan attend baby shower (he brought them early, he’s always early for everything!) he checks in weekly, he’s come for the antenatal appointments 2 so far.

Yesterday he called and said he will drive me to hospital any time, (I’d been worried about this as I live very rurally, parents work away, not all friends can drive or they have children, putting someone out when it’s a false alarm ect) then he’ll pick up both my birth partners, and drop them. (Neither can drive) He understands I don’t want him in room (although I actually feel bit bad about this) so he’s happy to wait in the cafe to find out what the low down is from one of my friends (think he likes her 🙈 I’d be all for them being together!) then he’d either wait in hospital or go home for a bit. He says he doesn’t mind waiting hours and it’s what parents would do. He wants to be able to say he waited in case anything happens ect.

Basically I’m hopeful he will be a smashing father, he knows the score and knows I’m happy for him to meet someone and find love.

This is my (so far so good) appreciation thread for my baby’s dad.

Just want anyone else to post their positive or negative experiences. Maybe my world will come crashing down! So i’ll get a bit prepared for the worst!

[trevthecat]

A friend of mine ex lives abroad. They have 2 DC together. Last week she flew over with her new husband and both kids. They stayed with ex. They put a video on FB of dad and stepdad laughing and joking. I think it's fantastic. What a great example they, and you, are setting your children.

[BitchQueen90]

Yes, I have a good relationship with my ex and he is a good father. DS adores him and loves spending time with him. Me and ex communicate well. We had an amicable divorce, we married too young and realised ultimately that we weren't in love any more.

His work takes him all over the country so he only has DS 2 or 3 nights a month. However he is well paid and gives me a good amount of maintenance. If I need any extra cash I just ask him and he is happy to give it to me.

He lives with his girlfriend who he has been with nearly 4 years and she is lovely. She is kind to DS and makes him feel welcome.

[Oldgranny]

Ahh that's so nice 😁

[Poppylizzyrose]

Lovely to read some positive stories

Keep them coming if you have them.

Just today he called and said he’d bring all the clothes he’d bought as he knows he won’t be having her without me much for awhile as I plan on breast feeding.

Hes just left he brought around clear box full of lovely next baby clothes (all pink tho 😂🙈) he’s bought warm cardies with rabbit ears.
My mum sat with us and looked through it all, we showed him clothes we’ve bought and her room. I gave him spare monitor and travel cot we bought.

I feel so excited now and chuffed me and him are becoming like friends in this weird situation. We hug like politely goodbye there’s zero chemistry but I feel comfortable around him. My mum chatted away to him and I just think it was nice. Us all sitting around drinking tea looking at all the clothes.

[FFSFFSFFS]

I don't have any experience - but I think if there is zero chemistry thats a brilliant thing! No emotional craziness on either side - and you can just get on with being fab parents.

I think all this bodes very well.

[JoanneMumsnet]

Hi, we're moving this thread over to our Lone Parents topic at the OP's request.

[Poppylizzyrose]

Thank you mumsnet I should of posted it there 🤦🏼‍♀️

Anymore stories good and bad I’m interested to read them.

[CandyCreeper]

i think it all sounds ok so far. i only have a negative story so dont want to ruin the positive vibe.

[Poppylizzyrose]

Candy feel free to share your story

This thread can have some balance. After all it could all go wrong for me and I need to prepare! Hope you’re okay. X

[silkpyjamasallday]

My friend discovered she was pregnant in similar circumstances but the dad was a total shit to her throughout the pregnancy, denying the baby was his, bad mouthing her etc. But a few months after baby arrived he stepped up, and takes his DC once a week and contributes more than the minimum maintenance to my friend. Unexpected but a lovely surprise, hopefully he will continue being a good dad.

[AHeartAPenny]

Not my own experience but my DB is married to a woman who had a child at a young age with her then boyfriend. He initially treated her very badly and was also completely disibterested in the baby but my SIL and he are now on good terms and he's stepped up to the plate with regards to looking after his daughter. My DB and he also have a good relationship. All parties have put the needs of the child first (which is how it should be imho), and although there have been times of heartache along the way for my SIL and her daughter they have a good system worked out now.

[Shylo]

Not the same sort of situation as you but a positive story nonetheless ...... I split with my partner after more than a decade when our kids were 7 and 5 and it was VERY acrimonious, quite emotionally abusive and it dragged on and on before he left .

We are now three and a half years down the line and have a really good relationship .... we attend all parents evenings, plays, sports days etc together, we talk regularly, he has a lovely girlfriend who loves my kids, she comes to my house with my ex, picks up the kids from my parents when they are minding them, my ex and I spend Christmas Day together with the kids and my family ...... but what I would say is it’s been hard work to get here at times and is not infrequently made possible by me letting things go and stuffing them into a box I like to label ‘reasons I’m no longer with my ex’ lol . As another poster said it’s also, crucially, been built on zero desire to get back with him

It is possible to co-parent in this way and I do think it’s much better for the kids to live In this extended parenting group where they don’t have to choose sides or feel that my ex and I aren’t a ‘team’.

Good luck OP, it does sound like you have a good baby daddy :)

[Poppylizzyrose]

Hey I’m loving these stories ☺️

There is a great positive vibe in this thread which feels different to others. A lot of the time it is all negative. So refreshing and nice to hear about the good guys!

It’s interedting how things started out badly and turned out good too. Hope for people I. My situation if it’s going badly through the pregnacy, Dad may step up.

It is really tough being pregnant and single, wasn’t what I thought would happen to me.
I am so proud of my babies Dad so far. Almost tempted to show him this thread one day.

[Poppylizzyrose]

Sorry few spelling and grammar errors above interesting ....hope for people in my situation

Do post if you’ve had a negative experience and you got past it too, or even if it’s still not going well as another poster may have experience and be able to give helpful advice.

I have no idea what will happen, but I am feeling very excited.

[Mumshappy]

I split with my DSs dad during pregnancy. I asked him to leave as he was lying about money. Id been there before with my ex husband and didnt want to go down that road. Anyway there was the usual post break up nonsense nothing major so i limited contact with him. When DS arrived this april he embraced the role of daddy and his family have been great. We got back together after he came clean re finances (so i thought) but a couple of months ago I ended the relationship again due to lies and other issues. Despite all this we have a good routine with DS who is adored by him and his whole family. We are amicable and i still see his family there is no bad blood. However if i were to tell you about my exhusband thats a totally different story and would require a feature length jeremy kyle episode to do justice. I hope everything works out. All the positives are there for you and your child