How to cope alone when child lashes out?

I always used to say 'that's absolutely fine because I love you' . They lash out with the parent they feel is their safe place and it confirms that you still love them. Once calm we would discuss how it makes other people feel when unkind things are said even if we don't mean them.

How old are your DC?

Mine are 9&6 and I've been on my own for a few years. Both have their moments of telling me how much they hate me, I'm the worst mother in the world, I'm just so MEAN etc etc. I do find it difficult but I know they don't mean it and when they've calmed down they apologise and most of the time they tell me how much they love me which does make up for it.

I try and keep calm, tell them that it is unacceptable to speak to me like that but otherwise try and ignore it and treat it as the same as them screaming/throwing something/kicking on the floor etc - i.e them struggling to control their emotions rather than something directed specifically at me.

With the older DC afterwards we talk through why they said it and when they say they can't help it when they get cross I ask if they would talk to a teacher like that - which makes them think about what they said and why it's unacceptable.

It is hard when you have to be good cop and bad cop, mother and father and they lash out at you because they're struggling. Sometimes I have to just walk away into another room to calm myself down before going back to deal with them.