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Help ....please.

(5 Posts)
Jenny0606 Thu 18-Oct-18 00:54:02

Firstly I have never been on anything like this before, secondly I dont do any form of social media and third thisbis long winded but i am at a complete loss and would welcome any (helpful, non judgemental) advice.
So here goes....I have three children 9, 2 and 1, i was with their father for 16 years he was in the army for 6 years then Iraq as a private contractor for 10 years. He has cheated on me numerous times and the last time was the final straw. My life has been on hold permanently while I've been with him. We did split for a 3 years hence the age gap between our children and during this time I managed to put myself through university. However I got back with him, in some ways I regret it as my career and my life as i new it ended right there. However, i had two mlre amazing children. But suspicions grew again when j was pregnant with my youngest. The lies began once again and when my son was 3 weeks old he was off out meeting another woman going to weddings with her. So I grew a pair of balls and kicked him out. Since then he has moved 200 miles away, hasn't seen his children since June will and will not contribute. Before I knew all this I gave up my full time job which I took after graduating once my maternity leave had ended. As u can imagine my job wasn't pleased with me working for them for a short period of time and then going on maternity twice. So, i had to end things for my mental health as I have bipolar and i don't want to end up loosing my head. The problem I'm faced with is I just can't get over him I dont know what to do, i feel so helpless, no job, career down the pan, eldest child showing signs of mental health issues ( which is being looked into). He has started a whole new persona on social media changing his name which I've been shown.
I'm really sorry to rant bit please tell me there is a way to start feeling better. I can't currently go on like this anymore. I'm applying for jobs left right and centre and getting turned down constantly, i want to work but being alone with 3 kids 2 under 2 with no help I've never experienced getting turned down from work before. But i can't focus, he is in my head constantly. I do focus on the children, i do go out with them. My confidence is shot he says I'll ruin the kids, no one will ever want me, i won't make a career. Before you said I know I shouldn't listen but after hearing it for so long. I'm literally nothing. I suffer from psoriasis which is now covering my body. Every day I do what i do for the kids. How do I become me again, i feel like I've lost who j am and just don't know how to come bavk from this.

OP’s posts: |
Jenny0606 Thu 18-Oct-18 00:57:28

Sorry for the typos too. Tired as hell and prematurely hit post before reading it back. I am not a complete moron as it would seem.

OP’s posts: |
BrainWormsWontWin Thu 18-Oct-18 12:16:29

Well if you're working 16 hours a week your kids will be entitled to two year funding so that will help if you can get work.

I would say fake it until you make it. Throw yourself into other stuff if you can't find work. Go to groups, local library etc. Maybe you could start helping out at a local toddler group while you're there. Try and make connections. Does their dad ever have them overnight? Or for the day? Make sure you can get some time alone even if it's asking a friend to sit once a month.

Have you thought about study? You could do the Open University from home. I've just started a second degree to keep me occupied in the evenings. I feel for you regarding mental health, I've got CPTSD and it's exhausting. Feel free to message me if you want a chat. It is exhausting but you'll get there.

Jenny0606 Thu 18-Oct-18 16:40:42

I have been trying to get work now for the last 3 month's and co.pletely unsuccessful. Which has never happened to me before.
The children's dad doesn't see the kids at all at the moment. Not that I am stopping him, but he doesn't seem interested and hasn't bothered since he started his new life.
I recently graduated from university but can not afford to go back and do my masters nor can I afford the prices of the open university courses.
I feel like an utter failure at the moment and not sure how things are going to get any better

OP’s posts: |
BrainWormsWontWin Thu 18-Oct-18 16:54:31

You might get funding for a master's through the OU and you can get a loan if your second degree is in a stem subject (and your first isn't).

You are raising children through a tough time, so you are NOT a failure. It is hard being a single parent. Just getting through each day is an achievement.

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