Ex taking me back to court. Rant needed!

[JoJo2106]

Hi all, need a bit of a rant aplogies if a bit long lol.

Me and ex are going through family court since end of June. He has no contact with our now 13 month old since April when ds was 7 month old due to a domestic violence incident at my home where he attacked me whilst he was holding ds. The court ordered no contact until matters were investigated fully. Fast forward to August hearing and the court has said contact can resume but it was ordered due to ds very young age and the length if time since ex has seen ds that contact started in contact centre for 4 sessions at 2 hours a time. We asked for 6 sessions but they ordered 4. There's only one centre where we live am not sure about other places.

Anyway in the meantime the contact centre has temporarily closed due to the coordinator having personal problems and has since quit. But have been assured it will reopen soon. My ex's solicitor then contacted my solicitor to say he was applying for the next nearest contact centre which is miles away. I have no transport and ds is up through the night at least twice as he's very restless sleeper and also with teething. So due to us been up a lot in the night ds often sleeps later and I don't wake him as he needs the sleep. I told my solicitor to say there is no way I can manage a centre that is miles away with no transport for morning contact. It would be extremely difficult to do with an exhausted 1 year old. There is no way I would make it for the time they say plus getting buses/trains then I have no idea where the contact centre is when I do get there and would have to walk on foot. All my ex has to do is get in his car and drive but it would be a nightmare for me and ds. Nothing he does or wants is in ds's interest everything is to suit him.

Anyway as I refused to go to the other centre and said it would be easier and better for ds for our local one to reopen we'd wait for that as I know it won't be long, He has applied back to court to basically force me to go to the other. Also as the other centre is fortnightly he's took it upon himself with his solicitor to reduce the sessions to 2 sessions rather than 4. The local one is weekly. How is a baby that hasn't seen someone for half of their life meant to get to know someone in 2 sessions and then he just gets to have him on his own after that? Hasn't a clue how to care for him has never even bathed him or fed him proper food or anything. Itll be like going with a stranger after 2 sessions.

I have contacted the other centre and they are completely full until after Christmas but yet we are still going to court to supposedly make me go. Our local one will be open well before that. More hundreds of pounds down the drain paying solicitors for a hearing that doesn't need to happen. Even if the court made me go to the other centre I can't Any way as there's no places. What an idiot I am dealing with.

The court also ordered back in August for ex to do 6 months of alcohol tests as he drinks every day and it's still not been done and is been purposefully delayed by him and his solicitor.

I am absolutely pissed off. It's like he wants to make the whole thing as difficult as possible. Not a thought for how ds may react. Cos as bad as it sounds ds will not even know who he is so will need to get used to him and you can't do that in 2 sessions. Will the court not see that as a waste of time the fact that my ex knows there are no spaces in the other centre but yet he's taking it to court Any way?

[ilooovechristmas]

Totally depends on the judge BUT most judge's will see right through him, they will not rush anything because he WANTS WANTS WANTS & will always do what's best for the child, if he has decided to put of his alcohol testing the judge won't great un-supervised contact... he sounds like a complete idiot and won't get very fair with his shitty attitude.

[JoJo2106]

Oh he's a total idiot. This hearing is totally unnecessary as he knows going to the other centre isn't an option anyway as there are no spaces so really what is the point. It's probably just another way to try intimidate me and using court as a weapon to get at me.

Well I do hope the court puts ds first cos to be honest with you I just felt last time we were there they gave him everything he wanted. We asked for 6 sessions in the contact centre they asked for 4 and they got it. I asked for 4 hours when he has ds alone he asked for 5 an he got it. Personally I think 4 sessions in a contact centre with a baby who hasn't seen him for half of his life is ridiculous. Up to now I don't feel anything has been in ds's interest only my exes.

[ilooovechristmas]

@JoJo2106 at the end of the day it's his dad regardless of what happened between you. And seeing him every week for 4 weeks is more than enough to a Judge otherwise your DS will get to used to the environment and it would be like starting all over again in a new environment. 5 hours a week contact you mean ? Seems fair to me as long as it's not over nights yet

[JoJo2106]

@ilooovechristmas yes I realise he's his dad but he has a drink problem aswell which is why I ended the relationship when ds was only 2 weeks old. Knew it was never gonna change. He drove his car with ds in only days old after sat up drinking all night looking after him. He has delayed the alcohol tests since they were ordered in August. Obviously trying to cut down to show a better reading but will just go right back to it afterwards. This is what worries me him having him as ds is so young and has no voice of his own.

He has no idea about basic care either. He's in his early 40s and has never even handled a baby before our ds and with us splitting up when ds was 2 weeks means he didn't experience much. He did have weekly contact when we split up but he would take him around cannabis use etc and brought him back in dirty nappies claiming he didn't know. Fast forward to April when ds was 7 months he tried to run off with ds and said he wasn't returning him and then attacked me when i tried to stop him. There has been so much.

I was really amicable when we first split and invited him round a couple of times a week aswell as him seeing him on a weekend, invited him.out if we had days out etc. I even said there was no reason we couldn't still do stuff together for ds's sake but he said no that's fake doing that. He was so bitter at the breakup his attitude was horrible and he spoiled it all so I had to put a stop to inviting him out etc and round to my house. And now since he was arrested and now court we are in this horrible situation it's just horrendous.

No not 5 hours a week it'd be 10 hours as he will get him both Saturday and Sunday. Think that will possibly change to eow when ds gets older though and I am going back to work as the court said if I was working at the moment it's important both parents get quality time on a weekend otherwise the RP just gets to do all the crap midweek stuff. We are back at court next week and it's pointless as there are no spaces in the other centre he is supposedly forcing me to go to until the new year. So not sure why we are still going. A solicitor advised me to apply to get him to pay my court costs as it's an unnecessary hearing given he knows there are no spaces in the centre but is still going to court anyway.

[ilooovechristmas]

Sound very difficult just make sure you keep a record of EVERYTHING even if you just write down 'DS dropped of at 5.03pm with wet and soiled nappy' take pics of dirty clothes etc