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cant stop feeling bitter

9 replies

Creeper8 · 01/10/2018 07:41

I cant help but feel really angry and resentful that my childrens father (4 together) has walked away from his own kids and wants nothing to do with them. Hes seen them once in a year. one being a baby. how do i stop feeling so angry and bitter?! how do i get over someone wanting nothing to do with their kids? i just cant understand it. it also feels like (obviously im not but cant help it) that im the only one who is in this situation, its pretty unusual to be completely absent by choice. i just feel like ive failed somehow.

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Singlenotsingle · 01/10/2018 07:44

Do they still get to see his parents, their grandparents? I would encourage contact between them if possible, as they might be able to influence him.

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feathermucker · 01/10/2018 07:48

I get what you mean, but no one should need persuading to see their own children!

Does he pay for them?

It's understandable that you feel angry OP!

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Creeper8 · 01/10/2018 07:51

he has no family (parents both dead before i met him) so they see no side of their other family. i made such a massive mistake with him but i hate feeling that way as obviously i love my kids but its awful when someone wants nothing to do with them.

he pays £13 fortnightly for 4 kids.

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Phillipa12 · 01/10/2018 07:58

A father that can walk away from his children without a second thought is not a person you want in their lives, just think about the type of adults you would like them to become and know that with you they can become those adults.

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Itsatravesty · 01/10/2018 08:03

Firstly you're not alone, absent fathers aren't that unusual unfortunately. One day your anger will turn to pity. Think about how you would feel if you never saw your kids again after today, pretty devasted I'd imagine. He's the loser here. Raising and supporting 4 DC alone will be tough, no doubt about it but you'll have a life full of love and everything you're DC will become will be because of you.

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Creeper8 · 01/10/2018 08:06

I know i shouldnt want him around but its so painful. my son goes to school and tells them he doesnt have a dad, he is 4 years old and never been to his dads house. he has seen my baby 3 times in her life, shes almost 18 months. he now hasnt seen them for almost a year. I know its not just me but i dont know anyone whose ex is absent, even on here it seems very uncommon. i feel judged and like ive let my kids down.

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Singlenotsingle · 01/10/2018 08:20

No one's judging you, OP. Obviously judging the selfish, deadbeat dad, though!

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Itsatravesty · 01/10/2018 08:40

I do relate OP, it's been 10 years since my ex walked away and I still occasionally feel like I've somehow let my DS down but I haven't you know and neither have you, you can't force someone to be a parent . I read the threads on here about nightmare exes using their kids/letting them down/flitting in and out of their lives/not returning them/keeping their stuff or worse women who are forced to handover their kids to abusive men and I thank my lucky stars neither I nor my child has to deal with that shit.

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Creeper8 · 01/10/2018 08:57

I do get you however i never get a break so im not sure i would be sad handing them over.

believe me i am judged. i get it all the time, but i have 4 and im under 30 so that doesnt help. no one jugdes my ex as he doesnt tell anyone he has kids