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Dad wants to change contact, where do I stand?

(64 Posts)
Croatia2018 Sat 22-Sep-18 21:25:20

Can anyone help me please.
Myself and ex aren’t together when I was pregnant we arranged for him to have LB every Friday night as with my job I have to work a lot of hours after normal office hours and during this one night a week Friday 6:30 to Saturday 1pm I can get all my work done and then spend quality time with LB. ex has now informed me that he wants to have LB every other weekend, ex states that LB does not see enough of his siblings (who he has every other weekend) I’ve always told ex he can have LB all day on a Saturday so he can spend more time with siblings, ex sees his other children on a Monday and Wednesday at his nans house I’ve also told ex that he can take LB there as well so he can see more of his siblings which he has never done. Ex has not said that from next week he will be having LB every other weekend and basically like it or lump it. Where do I stand on this, if ex has LB every other weekend this will really impact upon my ability to do my job. Every Sunday and Saturday afternoon is mine and LB’s time together where I do not work if this changes I won’t be able to spend quality time with my LB every week as I’ll still have work to do in mine and his time, legally where do stand?

Help please!

OP’s posts: |
TulipsInBloom1 Sat 22-Sep-18 21:31:53

EOW plus a set weeknight is usually a standard set up for co parenting. And snippy as it sounds its not your ex's problem what you do for childcare.

What hours do you work weekly and what childcare do you have in place?

You could always push back but i dont think a court would insist on every fri/sat. Theyd likely insist on the more common Eow.

Croatia2018 Sat 22-Sep-18 21:40:37

I work Monday to Friday 8:30-5 I bring work home with me every night as it needs to be done and there aren’t enough hours in the day, this is the norm in my profession. LB Is with my mum 2 days a week and nursery 3 days a week I don’t pick LB up until 6pm every night. Is EOW expected every though it will greatly affect my ability to do my job and my time spent with LB?

OP’s posts: |
Quartz2208 Sat 22-Sep-18 21:42:41

Not in a very strong position I would be surprised if he couldnt argue that he needs a longet chunk of time than less than 24 hours in order to do stuff (such as days out) in order to get quality time with him. In effect your arguments that it impacts you are the same on his side with the hours you are offering

Maybe see it as the weekend you dont have him you do two weeks of extra hours

Croatia2018 Sat 22-Sep-18 21:47:06

Ive always said to him he could have him all day on a Saturday however he has never wanted to do that, I wouldn’t be able to do that as with my job if something crops up we usually only have a few days to write reports etc

OP’s posts: |
Quartz2208 Sat 22-Sep-18 21:49:25

None of this would be seen as being his problem though if he pushed it I would be shocked if he did not get it.

His time with his child should not be based on childcare or what is easier for you

Croatia2018 Sat 22-Sep-18 21:55:51

Shouldn’t that work both ways though? If he was to have EOW this will greatly impact upon the time I have with my LB as every other weekend I would have to get childcare for the day in order to complete my job?

OP’s posts: |
Quartz2208 Sat 22-Sep-18 22:05:14

Yes it should as much as possible work both ways but at the moment it doesnt for him as he doesnt get enough time to do day trips/weekends away etc

The fact that your job is not a normal 9 to 5 and you would need weekend childcare shouldnt impact on him

TulipsInBloom1 Sat 22-Sep-18 22:06:48

So you would have ds all day sunday plus what, an hour or so each evening?

Croatia2018 Sat 22-Sep-18 22:11:30

If it was to go to EOW I would have DS every other Sunday or Saturday dependant upon what day of the weekend I can get childcare and 1 hour every night Monday-Thursday. If it stayed at how it is now I would have him every Sunday with an hour in the evening, I’ve akways said to ex he can have him all day Saturday to go out and do things however he has never wanted him all day only until 1pm

OP’s posts: |
TulipsInBloom1 Sat 22-Sep-18 22:13:57

Whats the deal with your job? Why does it require a whole extra day in the week of unpaid work, plus every single evening too? Are you an NQT?

CosmicCanary Sat 22-Sep-18 22:17:22

Sorry but your son has the right to spend equal time with both parents. Your job dictates YOUR quality time with your son. It should not affect his fathers.

Doyoumind Sat 22-Sep-18 22:19:00

I'm sorry OP but I have to agree that EOW is standard and it's what a court would award as a minimum. Friday evening until Saturday lunch time does not allow for a relationship to be fully established and developed.

What you have is a work problem that you need to address. Are you paid anything for the additional hours you do? Does absolutely everyone do the same amount of extra work as you or do you need to manage upwards better?

Doyoumind Sat 22-Sep-18 22:20:59

Wanted to add that your ex can't dictate what happens and can't just decide to implement a new regime from next week. You can suggest a timeframe or tell him to go to court to buy time.

Croatia2018 Sat 22-Sep-18 22:21:56

Wouldn’t equal time be 1 full day a weekend each rather than 2 full days every other week for him and 1 full day every other weekend for me? I’m a S worker so to do my job I work a lot of hours overtime as does every other SWorker and because of my job I can’t say I’ll do that work next weekend when I haven’t got my LB as I’ve got deadlines to meet

OP’s posts: |
CosmicCanary Sat 22-Sep-18 22:24:00

Equal time would be 1 full week each or 3/4 days shared out over 2 weeks including a full weekend.

Would you be happy with 1 full week each?

Johndoe10 Sat 22-Sep-18 22:24:18

He won’t work around you. Be prepared for a compromise.

It’s shit but start getting your child care in order.

Croatia2018 Sat 22-Sep-18 22:24:19

Where do I stand because I’ve been saying to ex that he can have him all day Saturday from the offset however he has never wanted to have him all day just until 1pm, the times agreed are the times that ex wanted not myself.

Everyone in my profession works extra hours this is the norm to meet deadlines and timeframes

OP’s posts: |
Doyoumind Sat 22-Sep-18 22:24:39

EOW you will have the whole weekend to try and get ahead. On the weekends DS is with you you need to do work in the evening. During the week you will have to do 2 hours work a night rather than one. It's shit but you are going to have to find a solution.

Croatia2018 Sat 22-Sep-18 22:25:41

He can’t have him for a full week as he has to be up early in a morning for work

OP’s posts: |
Johndoe10 Sat 22-Sep-18 22:25:54

You could push for court access. Which to be honest I feel is always the best as people know where they stand and can’t mess about

Doyoumind Sat 22-Sep-18 22:27:51

If ex has to be up and out early for work he could still have DS but would need to sort out child care for the morning. This is the reality of working when you have a small child.

Croatia2018 Sat 22-Sep-18 22:29:20

Unfortunately I can’t do all my work to get ahead, as I deal with emergencies quite often where I only have a few days to do the work, I’m planning on working in the evening every night as well for a few hours to try and keep on top of all my work but I’ll still have to do additional hours on top of that I just don’t think this is fair at all, I’ve Beerbohm stopped him from seeing LB the only thing I’ve wanted is once a week

OP’s posts: |
Croatia2018 Sat 22-Sep-18 22:31:16

I’ve told ex that I will be seeking legal advice this week, as he’s said from next week it’s EOW like it or lump it, if he pushed for EOW where would I stand with him having him in the week overnight and him sorting childcare out?

OP’s posts: |
Doyoumind Sat 22-Sep-18 22:33:30

Child arrangements are only based on what is fair for the child and not the parents. It's fair for the child to have enough time with his dad. As it stands they could never go away anywhere and he isn't getting the chance to have a proper relationship with his siblings. This is more important than your work in the court's eyes.

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