Weekend visitations at a distance

[moijetevoi]

Hi all,
I would welcome some advice.
My recently turned three year old has started to spend time at her fathers house every other weekend, which is new for her as he lived out of the country previously and she only saw him every couple of months. He lives about 1hour and 45 train ride from us, our relationship is pretty strained but we are aware that we must work on improving it with time.
We separated when she was almost two, neither of us have new partners.
I am fully supportive of enabling the relationship between father and daughter but my DD has also moved up into preschool this September four days a week and she is so very tired by the end of the week and spends Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays at home playing and having long naps to recharge her batteries. I would like to put her in preschool three days only but I work freelance and I need the income.
She also suffers from stool withholding since last year which flares up when there are big changes in her life.
She has some behavioural issues the last few weeks, angry tantrums, clingy, aggressive and defiant. Typical of children having problems adjusting but also typical of three year olds.
I was not comfortable about my daughter travelling to his house every other weekend at first suggestion because I felt she was too little and it She has this year just become completely accustomed to her life in her new house, and her friends and routines.

My suggestion was once a month at his house and the other weekend he could travel down to see her, then work up to every other weekend at his when she's a bit older.
He refused this on the grounds that if he stayed overnight he would have to pay for accommodation and if not, it was too short a visit. He then threatened court action if I didn't agree and my lawyer advised me that a court would most probably rule in favour of her travelling to her every other weekend. So I agreed.
She still needs to nap at the weekend as she needs to recharge but this doesn't happen at his because the journey there and back always happens at nap time and she will only sleep in a bed. She is returned exhausted, clingy, and catches everything thats going.
This means she stays at home with me when she's sick, which is often, and Im unable to work so Im not charging for the days I don't work.

I would like to suggest again that they see each other every two weeks but with one of those weekends being in her environment to allow her to rest and recharge until she's a bit older. I feel very strongly that she is struggling with the adaption to the new routine and its taking its toll on her emotionally and physically.
I do completely understand that he wants go spend time with her and I do not want to hinder that.
Does anyone else have experience of a three year old doing weekend visits somewhere where they are having to travel substantially? I would love to know other peoples experiences, and understand if what I am suggesting sounds reasonable? I am all in favour of being reasonable but not at my daughters expense.
Thanks

[RandomMess]

Can you find out if she is sleeping ok at his house? It may take time for her to settle and be relaxed there and get her full quota of sleep.

Is he coming to collect her on the Friday as opposed to you travelling? Just wondered if she could drop a nursery day that week as you could work whilst your ex has DD?

[Lonecatwithkitten]

I think you need to listen to the legal advice you have been given. He is very likely to get EOW in court and you can not have any say in where she goes or who she says in that time. He is deemed to be an equal parent and fully able to make those decisions.
I know it is hard after he has been away, but if it went to court you could be seen as obstructive and controlling if you continue in this line.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

I meant to say 1hr 45min is really not a long journey, many children of a similar age travel three to four hours at a weekend for contact.