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AIBU to want to speak to my five year old at least twice when my ex has him for a week’s holiday

(17 Posts)
flowerfairy6004 Sat 11-Aug-18 21:22:09

My ex husband and I separated 2 years ago. He turned round one day and told me he didn’t love me and then it turns out he’d been having an affair with one of the women he was working with for 9 months. Despite this I have always tried to be fair and reasonable regarding our son. Every birthday since (which my son and I share) I’ve always invited my ex to spend time with him. Every Christmas he comes over to watch our son open his presents. I’ve never spoken badly about him in front of our son. Whenever I’ve had our son on holiday I’ve always tried to ring him every couple of days so he can speak to our son. He however has frequently been a total tool. You’d think from the way he is with me that I’d cheated on him. Two years on and I still find it really hard when he has our son on holiday as he hardly lets me talk to him. AIBU to want to talk to my son at least twice in a week? Not for long just a 10min conversation. He just ignores my calls. I’d never expect to talk to him every day or even every other day. I find it so hard and it really upsets me.

FlatPackFurnitureCompAnyone Sat 11-Aug-18 21:26:39

I grew up with divorced parents and we were always allowed to contact the other parent no matter what. And at that age I suppose the other parent was allowed to call us. He’s being extremely unfair.

Aprilshowersinaugust Sat 11-Aug-18 21:29:23

My ds was 17 yesterday, on hols at 4yo he was away with exh who would not let him speak to me.
Ds actually hates his birthday now as it holds bad memories.His words.
Your exh is a twat.

flowerfairy6004 Sat 11-Aug-18 21:32:38

Thank you flatpackfurniture I appreciate the response. If I was ringing every day the minute he left then I could understand it but I deliberately left it two days before I rang the first time which he ignored the first few calls at which point I asked texted to ask him nicely if I could have a quick chat with our son. He ignored the message although I could see he’d read it and eventually let me speak to him late that evening after my son’s normal bedtime. I then asked him at the end of the phone call whether he would let our son talk to me on the Friday which again was two days later and he hasn’t bothered. sad

flowerfairy6004 Sat 11-Aug-18 21:33:59

Thanks Aprilshowers glad I’m being reasonable - sometimes I think that maybe I’m not and it’s nice to know that I’m not

MyDcAreMarvel Sat 11-Aug-18 21:34:23

Can you buy your ds a cheap payg phone and send it with him.

Pissedoffdotcom Sat 11-Aug-18 21:35:53

Slightly different scenario, my 5 year old is away on holiday with my parents who i trust infinitely more than i would ever trust her dad and i call her every day. At that age its a huge thing to be away from mum for so long imo; if your son doesnt want to talk for long fine, but he should be given the option

flowerfairy6004 Sat 11-Aug-18 21:46:44

Thanks everyone for your replies - I’m not sure if my son would be apply to look after a phone he’d probably lose it in 5 mins. I can’t wait to get my baby back tomorrow but he has him again in 3 weeks for another week and I’m dreading it. I have him for a week in 2 weeks and I refuse to stoop to his behaviour so I will let my son phone him every couple of days. I never want to treat my son like a pawn in a game.

FlatPackFurnitureCompAnyone Sat 11-Aug-18 22:11:31

You are definitely doing what’s best for your son. Let’s just hope that your ex eventually sees sense and does the same flowers

Iputthescrewinthetuna Sat 11-Aug-18 22:52:10

My DD speaks to her Dad daily, when she is stopping at his house, even for one night she will call me. Her dad may not have minutes on his phone so he texts me asking if I can call her instead, he will give me a few 'slots' of when it would be most convenient. When we take DD away on holiday, she will call him before bed and tell him all about her day.
She has done this for 6 years.

She now has her own phone as she enjoys texting him! Would it be possible to get your son a cheap phone so you can call him directly? I know this shouldn't have to be the way. YADNBU!

Muddlingalongalone Sat 11-Aug-18 22:58:22

We FaceTime 3x per week when dds are with me and the same when they go their dad's- in principle we have normal days but it's quite flexible.

NorthernSpirit Sun 12-Aug-18 04:52:13

Yes, he’s being infair.

My OH has 2 kids. Mum is very difficult and wouldn’t let him speak to the kids (when they are with us we never stop them ringing mum).

A judge has ordered he can speak to them 3 x a week at a specific time (and she has to make them available).

Whoknows11 Sun 12-Aug-18 19:30:18

My ex is similar.

My 3 year old asks him to ring me when I drop him off and I message to say I’m available if he wants to ring but I just get ignored!

Im sure soon enough my children will realise what danagevtheir father is causing but sadly at their expense x

GEM33 Fri 24-Aug-18 22:15:18

Your ex is a heartless git. Your little baby should be able to speak to mummy. X buy him a cheap phone and teach him to use it. X

Megan2989 Sun 26-Aug-18 14:55:55

I think the thing is, is it unsettles the child when they are there and they have to deal with the aftermath of the conversation.

Both my ex and I can't speak to our child due to this so just have to text each other to see if son is ok. I'm sure your ex just does not want to disclose that your child gets unsettled and therefore just ignores.

Idontneedrescuing Sun 26-Aug-18 14:59:18

We have my stepdaughter for up to a week in hols, she’s 5, and we generally do at least a couple of FaceTimes a week- totally normal! She would really miss her mum without that contact and it’s nice for everyone.

BrainWormsWontWin Thu 30-Aug-18 11:59:57

I have to say, we don't do calls (DC 5 and 3). I tried at the start and even aside from ex using it for abuse, it really unsettled the kids. Now we don't except for special occasions (3 year old birthday when away). So he doesn't call them with me and I don't call him. It's just a week. I keep busy, do stuff I can't with them home. It's fine now I'm used to it

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