My ex husband and I separated 2 years ago. He turned round one day and told me he didn’t love me and then it turns out he’d been having an affair with one of the women he was working with for 9 months. Despite this I have always tried to be fair and reasonable regarding our son. Every birthday since (which my son and I share) I’ve always invited my ex to spend time with him. Every Christmas he comes over to watch our son open his presents. I’ve never spoken badly about him in front of our son. Whenever I’ve had our son on holiday I’ve always tried to ring him every couple of days so he can speak to our son. He however has frequently been a total tool. You’d think from the way he is with me that I’d cheated on him. Two years on and I still find it really hard when he has our son on holiday as he hardly lets me talk to him. AIBU to want to talk to my son at least twice in a week? Not for long just a 10min conversation. He just ignores my calls. I’d never expect to talk to him every day or even every other day. I find it so hard and it really upsets me.
Thank you flatpackfurniture I appreciate the response. If I was ringing every day the minute he left then I could understand it but I deliberately left it two days before I rang the first time which he ignored the first few calls at which point I asked texted to ask him nicely if I could have a quick chat with our son. He ignored the message although I could see he’d read it and eventually let me speak to him late that evening after my son’s normal bedtime. I then asked him at the end of the phone call whether he would let our son talk to me on the Friday which again was two days later and he hasn’t bothered.
Slightly different scenario, my 5 year old is away on holiday with my parents who i trust infinitely more than i would ever trust her dad and i call her every day. At that age its a huge thing to be away from mum for so long imo; if your son doesnt want to talk for long fine, but he should be given the option
Thanks everyone for your replies - I’m not sure if my son would be apply to look after a phone he’d probably lose it in 5 mins. I can’t wait to get my baby back tomorrow but he has him again in 3 weeks for another week and I’m dreading it. I have him for a week in 2 weeks and I refuse to stoop to his behaviour so I will let my son phone him every couple of days. I never want to treat my son like a pawn in a game.
My DD speaks to her Dad daily, when she is stopping at his house, even for one night she will call me. Her dad may not have minutes on his phone so he texts me asking if I can call her instead, he will give me a few 'slots' of when it would be most convenient. When we take DD away on holiday, she will call him before bed and tell him all about her day. She has done this for 6 years.
She now has her own phone as she enjoys texting him! Would it be possible to get your son a cheap phone so you can call him directly? I know this shouldn't have to be the way. YADNBU!
I think the thing is, is it unsettles the child when they are there and they have to deal with the aftermath of the conversation.
Both my ex and I can't speak to our child due to this so just have to text each other to see if son is ok. I'm sure your ex just does not want to disclose that your child gets unsettled and therefore just ignores.
We have my stepdaughter for up to a week in hols, she’s 5, and we generally do at least a couple of FaceTimes a week- totally normal! She would really miss her mum without that contact and it’s nice for everyone.
I have to say, we don't do calls (DC 5 and 3). I tried at the start and even aside from ex using it for abuse, it really unsettled the kids. Now we don't except for special occasions (3 year old birthday when away). So he doesn't call them with me and I don't call him. It's just a week. I keep busy, do stuff I can't with them home. It's fine now I'm used to it