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Newborn Family issue

(9 Posts)
MissSparkles85 Sat 11-Aug-18 19:17:09

Hello all

Asking for some advice! My newborn is 10 days old. She was born with Jaundice and had a few days in hospital. I’ve been ill too with a kidney infection I picked up in hospital. I’ve only been home with her a week. Her dad and I are not together, turns out he has a massive drinking g problem and is addictive to cannabis. He has been banned for drink driving but gets his licence back in a few months. I don’t feel comfortable leaving my baby with anyone, let alone him!!! He didn’t want me to keep her but I decided to be a single mum. While her Dad and I were Dating, his ex who he has two children with caused us many issues including messaging my family and messaging me whilst spending time with him. Anyway, turns out the Dad wants to be involved with the baby and we agreed for him to come over regularly to bond with her. A couple of nights ago he came with presents and cards from his other children and from his ex. Then he demanded that his ex meets the baby, and asked for me to meet all his family’s and their kids this week in one go! I have no issue for his kids to meet their half sibling but I’m just not ready yet. Is this reasonable? He’s now asked if his ex can bring the kids round to meet the baby!!! On top of becoming a new Mum and juggling his visits in I just can’t stomach the thought of his ex meeting the baby. Is it okay to feel like this?! Also he is asking about his family meeting the baby. Thank you! X

SnuggyBuggy Sat 11-Aug-18 21:04:35

YANBU, it sounds like you had a rough time with the birth of your baby which has understandably left you feeling a bit vulnerable. I think you should receive these guests when it suits you.

Starlight345 Sat 11-Aug-18 21:31:09

Say no . Kids mum isn’t coming . When you are up to it kids can visit . He doesn’t get to decide this.

GreenTulips Sat 11-Aug-18 21:35:48

Maybe the other mum won't leave her kids unsupervised? Maybe she sees the same issues as you do and doesn't want him in sole charge?

Say no until you feel better and less sleep deprived

Moonandstar5 Sat 11-Aug-18 22:06:06

Hi MissSparkles,

As with the previous posters, I would say to let him know that you're not ready for visitors and express how everything has affected you- I wish when I had my newborn that I put my foot down and let people know that I'm not up for visitors- and especially in your situation. You have a right to!!

Also men don't sometimes realise how much is going on internally, emotionally, so need to be told in the most obvious way. It's easy to expect them to know what you're going through but in reality, they usually don't have a clue.

Hope this helps smile

Starlight345 Sat 11-Aug-18 22:11:11

You may be right @ GreenTulips . I hadn’t thought of that

Op can ask this or may know. Either way if she doesn’t want her kids unsupervised with him it is up to op. I would set some ground rules and maybe have someone there for you or you can say no.

MissSparkles85 Sat 11-Aug-18 22:17:55

Thanks all. He has the children on his own so it’s not that she’s afraid to leave him unsupervised. They are around 10 and 8 years old I think. He considers her a close friend and feels that as my family and friends have met the baby so should she x

MissSparkles85 Sat 11-Aug-18 22:27:00

Thanks all. He has the children on his own so it’s not that she’s afraid to leave him unsupervised. They are around 10 and 8 years old I think. He considers her a close friend and feels that as my family and friends have met the baby so should she x

Starlight345 Sat 11-Aug-18 23:30:10

Well then tough luck then . Kids only and when you are ready.

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