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Child maintenance

(21 Posts)
PerverseConverse Sat 11-Aug-18 16:12:11

I've recently worked out that stbexh pays the princely sum of £12 a day for our two daughters which barely keeps them in food let alone anything else. I'm struggling to buy secondary school uniform as my eldest starts next month and he won't contribute any extra. He's swanning around in a brand new luxury car and I'm counting the pennies and going without to provide essentials. Makes my blood boil. Just a bit of a rant really to those who will understand sad

Hehx3 Sun 12-Aug-18 07:43:48

I feel for you, I know how it hurts when you see dad not wanting to support own children. Is there anything you could do to increase your income?

Pixikitten0123 Sun 12-Aug-18 08:45:40

I’m supposed to get £6.72 per week for 2 children 😂😂

PerverseConverse Sun 12-Aug-18 09:18:54

Hehx3 I'll be returning to work soon and will be better off but that still makes it very unfair that he only contributes such a small amount to their daily living costs.

Pixikitten0123 I'm guessing you don't actually get any at all? That's awful.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore Sun 12-Aug-18 09:37:00

12 a day works out at 84 a week so 364 a month. I really find it staggering if you are paying nearly that on food for two kids regardless of age.

That doesnt sound that bad but there'#s not enough info in your post. Presumably you get 130 odd child benefit on top. So 500 a month without you having to actually having to pay anything yourself. Sorry to sound harsh but are you sure he would need to pay more if CMO were involved.what does he actually earn? A new car is a red herring here.not enough details. Does he have them overnight?

Presumably as STBXH you have a fair idea of what he earns.
He should not have to pay for everything but if he should be paying more then you should look into that.

And before i get flamed i do understand how shitty it is when a parent won't fairly contribute....

bastardkitty Sun 12-Aug-18 09:38:46

^ you should be flamed for this!

HugeAckmansWife Sun 12-Aug-18 09:43:00

But it's not just for food is it? It's supposed to contribute to housing costs, utilities, clothes etc. The resident parent is very restricted in terms of working options and has to shoulder childcare costs when they do work. Most NRPS see their kids only outside of work hours and also only have the easy bits of parenting, no school runs, dentist appointments etc. CMS rates are pathetic frankly. I work full time and could manage without anything from ex but it still pisses me off that he has to contribute such a comparitively small % of his wage to his kids as well as doing fuck all real parenting.

Pixikitten0123 Sun 12-Aug-18 10:25:10

Mine resigned from his job to stop paying and went on to benefits, that figure is what I’d to be taken from benefits and I’m due the payment at the end of September 😂 I’ve had nothing for months 😡

bluetrampolines Sun 12-Aug-18 10:27:45


O.M.G. I am horrified by your post.

Starlight345 Sun 12-Aug-18 10:37:11

Yes there is a huge lack of detail .

How many overnights ?
What does he earn?
Any other children?

I get £30 a month so it’s a figure I can only dream of . That would be a life changing sum to me however due to lack of information hard to know if it is realistic or not.

PerverseConverse Sun 12-Aug-18 10:48:37

HugeAckmansWife exactly.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore Sun 12-Aug-18 10:56:28

Jesus Christ, are we not allowed to ask some questions, there is not enough detail. There needs to be more detail. You are all making assumptions about this lady's situation. Perhaps he is a total deadbeat. Perhaps he is not. We don't know.

What would you say of OP came back to say he had kids 3 nights a week?

We just dont know on the detail provided.

Hugh, i know exactly what its meant to cover. I was making the point that about the food because the OP said the amount given barely provided for food.

PerverseConverse Sun 12-Aug-18 11:05:38

I was just having a rant at the unfairness of providing so little for his children. I wasn't asking if the amount he pays is correct.He provides nothing for uniform, even though dd1 is starting secondary school and that equals huge expenditure. He doesn't provide any day to day parenting. I don't know how much he earns as we have a private arrangement although this will be reviewed as part of the financial settlement process of the divorce. He has a good job.

Lobsterquadrille2 Sun 12-Aug-18 11:47:44

Hi OP, completely understand the rant and empathise massively. Mine has never paid a single penny for our DD (nearly 21) and lives overseas in a massive house with non working wife and two children, six figure salary, many holidays etc (I'm very fond of his mother, who doesn't see him either, and she used to feel the need to share these details with me!)

He only set foot in this country once DD was 20 because apparently I couldn't "claim" anything from him. BUT he contacted DD to see if she would meet him (having had zero contact for about 16 years) and she wasn't interested.

It's horrible, unfair, unequal and really tough. I had six weeks' maternity leave and have worked full time ever since. But to be totally honest, in some ways being the sole parent seems easier when I read some of the posts on here. Holidays were the hardest - DD was at private school for primary (easier for hours - 8am to 5.30pm) and she had nine weeks every summer. I used to start my spreadsheet in January!

Can't offer anything more than understanding and sympathy.

rainingcatsanddog Sun 12-Aug-18 18:48:57

Starting secondary school cost me £300 in uniform per kid and it's a state school with reasonable costs for stuff like blazer. (It doesn't cost anything near that for subsequent years but it obviously needs to be purchased in one go)
Some primary schools do compulsory school dinners (£3 per child = £30 for both kids per week)= £120 per month)

GEM33 Fri 24-Aug-18 22:18:26

My ex paid nothing for 5 years. Only us her two nights a month. Driving around in brand new van. I’m walking around with 20 year old clothes and holes in my shoes to give Dd everything she needs. My blood is also boiling.
These men like this are deadbeat useless selfish idiots. 😡

ZoeSusan Sun 26-Aug-18 02:29:21

My ex is supposed to pay £160 a month for 2 children. He has given me £100 in the last 2 months because he has started a new job and is getting emergency taxed.... yet he can go out drinking on the weekends. It's beyond me 🙃

ZoeSusan Sun 26-Aug-18 02:30:38

Should also mention he only has to pay out 300 a month for rent and he's working full time. He also only sees the children once or twice a week. I'm literally buying everything for them

Lowri76 Thu 30-Aug-18 09:28:16

I’ve just spoken to the CMS regarding missed payments for two months. I have been told I shouldn’t rely on the money and they can only ‘request’ money from his employer, which is the MOD. He has lied about the amount of contact he has had so they are dropping the payments (that I am not receiving) and when I asked for a mandatory reconsideration I was first told no. As the court order says he can have them for 52 nights a year, they will only consider this. Never mind he hasn’t chosen to see his daughters for two months this year. I will be looking for a judicial review of service I am paying for and not receiving! Shame on him for lying and the system of refusing to look into it. Their only advice, go back to court. More money to spend! Anyone else struggling with the CMS?

Whoknows11 Thu 30-Aug-18 17:53:51


Yes me and my children’s father is in the MOD too! He also lied last year about the amount of nights he had our children, they took his word for it straight away and reduced my payments. He then got a HUGE bonus which took the cms 9 months to recognise and the 3rd month my payments saw it he stated he now earns less, had a pay review and they took the extra bonus money back off! I asked for a mandatory reconsideration as he’s not earning any less if you take our last years bonus but I got a generic letter back saying my payments weren’t going to change!

He’s underpaid me for the last 3 months, 4 months if you consider tomorrow’s sept payment as he won’t pay me what he’s meant to for sure. I’ve asked for the payments to be taken from his salary but they’re now giving him 14 days to pay me the money he owes me from the underpayments!

So how do they keep on listening to him and giving him chances and our children get effected at his lack of financial responsibility!!

If I don’t get the money the children are owed soon I will be writing to my mp! The cms are absolutely corrupt!

To make the matter even more laughable we were in court yesterday and an order made and he’s been straight on to cms this morning to try and reduce my payments again! This proves how money motivated he is to see his children more - it/he disgusts me!!

Whoknows11 Thu 30-Aug-18 17:55:03


Write a letter to his commanding officer saying he owes you money via cms! This is my next move!!

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