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Am I making the right choice?

(5 Posts)
D456 Thu 09-Aug-18 10:56:12

I’m a single mum to a 10 month old and have been since 5 months pregnant. I’m planning on moving 200+ miles away to go to a good university this September.

It’s just all of a sudden giving me a lot of anxiety. I’m worried about so many things that it’s preventing me from sorting it all out. I’m in the process of looking for accommodation as I’ll have to move from my current place.

I’m just worried about so many things. Whether I will feel isolated as I will have no one I know in the area/close by. Whether I will enjoy being with so many younger people (I’m still young so they will only be a few years younger) but I would consider myself quite mature for my age. Whether I will handle the work load. Whether I will get frustrated having no time to myself, I won’t be able too go on any dates or meet friends for a night out as I will have no childcare.

At present I don’t have a lot of family in my area, I have a couple of family members who don’t really look after my little one a lot as they are very busy so it won’t make much of a difference but it’s just knowing that I do have people in the area. The same goes for friends, I only have about 2 friends I see now and then. I have to move out of the place I’m in now in 2 months as there is various problems here so if I did stay finding a place would be very difficult as I’m on benefits.

I’d consider myself to be intelligent, I worked very hard at a levels and don’t want to end up in a dead end job where I will get no where (done this for a year and hated it) but at the same tome I don’t want to move at such a distance and find myself unhappy and stuck so far away.

The past year I haven’t enjoyed at all as I’ve been on maternity leave and feel like I definitely need to be doing something. I’m not someone to sit at home all day (although I respect others choices for doing this), it’s just not me. I don’t want to go back to the job I was doing as it was in retail and very, very soul destroying. I am capable of a lot more than that, but I don’t want to be lonely if I did move.

I can’t sleep at night because I’m worried so much. I don’t have much family support either so I very much have to support myself. I’m just worried about being so far away. I’m not the best at making friendships as well so I worry I will be very lost.

If you have any advice/have been in a similar situation I would appreciate it 😩

OP’s posts: |
roundsquareround Thu 09-Aug-18 12:09:14

You are definitely making the right choice for giving your and your child a better future. I think once you have everything lined up somewhere to live, childcare sorted etc you'll feel loads better and even better when you get into your own routine. And I'm sure you'll make friends easily at uni too.

What uni are you going to?

LG123 Thu 09-Aug-18 12:27:56

Well done you for trying to better future!

I am considering going to back in to education next year (this year not possible as she's due at the start of the academic year smile) so I have been doing a lot of research about single parents going to University and there are loads! There are forums/groups for most Universities across the UK. You will find like minded people no problem.

I know it's daunting but it's a new adventure that I have no doubt you will enjoy. I know you said your not great at forming friendships but at uni they may flourish from the slightly younger ones to mature students and the single mumma's. If you want social time and to go out at night I'm sure it will be easy enough to find a babysitter or eventually make some good friends you who trust enough to watch the little one for a few hours! I'd be inclined to find a someone who studies a health/childcare type course - most students would be happy to earn a bit of extra cash!

Good luck with it all! I'm sure you'll have a great time!

D456 Thu 09-Aug-18 13:10:17

Thank you for your lovely replies!

I think it’s just such a big change and the thought of not knowing anyone is so scary! The university i would be going to is Durham. I think it’s the university itself that also leaves me feeling very worried as I get the impression it’s not too far down from oxford/Cambridge level and I really feel as though there’s not going to be anyone in my situation. It’s a collegiate uni where most people live in college, therefore I will be very isolated from that aspect!

OP’s posts: |
LG123 Thu 09-Aug-18 15:17:58

Durham Uni is a great university and this is a fantastic opportunity for you!

Please try not worry about being the only person in your kind of situation, you've done it so what's to say another person in your shoes won't have to? Single parents going to top Uni's won't be as uncommon as you think. I even know a single parent studying medicine at Cambridge and she isn't the only mature student with kids there. Lots of people in our kind of situation do it and they do it to better their lives. You'll be showing your little one that no matter what life throws at you, you can achieve great things! And think when he or she is all grown up then you'll still have your career and they'll know exactly how hard you worked for them aswell as yourself!

I for one can't wait till I can get stuck in next year!

Please don't give up on it! All I can say is go get 'em! 😁💜

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