Fathers Day - thread for single mums

[AndHarry]

For the 2nd year in a row, the DC aren’t seeing their dad on Fathers Day. His choice, although no doubt my evil plans to stop him from seeing his children and ‘being made to feel special’ will be all over Facebook again later.

I’m getting on with it. The DC were so excited to make cards and choose presents and their dad couldn’t even be bothered to show up. His loss. We’re going to have a lovely day. I’m just not looking forward to the inevitable ‘I think you’re well out of order’ messages later from his family and friends :(

Handholding for anyone else in a similar situation.

[twofloorsup]

My kids have seen their "father" once in 12 years. His choice !

I think they're used to it now.

His loss is what I say.

[pinkpixie83]

Yep - it's my weekend but we've had no contact to ask if he can see them.

Thankfully they didn't want to buy presents, one asked to buy a card but hasn't written it because remembered we couldn't post it as we don't know his address. In their own words they don't want to make the effort because he wouldn't help them get me anything for mother's day or my birthday and he's bribing them to go!

But I'm sure somehow it'll be my fault.

[YesitsJacqueline]

Thank you for this thread I've been up early feeling very weepy and sad. I guess I have the opposite problem to previous posters here. My 4 year old has been with his dad all weekend . I feel so sad and lonely. Ex p also has an older child and I still consider him my step child but I don't see him very often now and I miss him.
I guess what I am trying to say is why does it have to be either or? Why was my ex such a shit that I had no choice but to leave him. Father's day should be a family occasion and today I will really feel the most lonely I have felt since the separation.. I guess I should be grateful her trying to be a good dad. Sorry for the self indulgent post

[sarbou]

I’m with you on this one. My two have been with him since Thursday night and although I’ve kept myself busy this weekend. I’m dreading today. I just think I’m going to stay in as everywhere I go will be full of happy families. I also found it really hard to find a card that didn’t say ‘worlds best dad’ or something similar, which I refused to buy because he’s far from the worlds best dad. He’s just mediocre.

[YesitsJacqueline]

I'll be thinking of you today sarbou. My ex is the kind of dad that says " pick what you want from the toy shop kids !" . And today I have to collect my ds and try and bite my tongue it will be hard .
I don't want to be lonely and I miss the family unit terribly, but I just dealt with the hand I was given the best that I could . I feel like I have been the loser in this situation and my ex that treated me appallingly has some how become the hero

[Igmum]

💐💐 to all single mums. DD has chosen not to see her DF since he attacked her and didn’t want to send him a card. Life is so much better without him but yes, the Fathers Day hype is grim

[AndHarry]

I won’t buy Fathers Day cards. They’re either not true or overly plain. The kids make them instead.

It’s not a sad day for me really but huge hugs to those missing their DC right now. I had plenty planned as the DC were supposed to be with him all day. We’re just cracking on with the kids in tow.

[NukaColaGirl]

My ExH and his families social media will be rammed with posts about how much he misses DD and what a witch I am... No pal you walked before she was even born, showed up a few times for the first few weeks then fucked off without a trace and have spent the last 2.5 years job hopping to avoid paying a measles £25 a week child support.

On the flip side, I’m taking my elder DCs Dad out today for fun an lunch and he has gifts from me, our DC and my toddler because he is truly wonderful with all 3 of them.

[AndHarry]

Urgh yes, hero dad doing the best he can for his DC despite evil ex-wife trying to stop him 🙄

[megletthesecond]

Fathers day goes over my head in this house. My dad died 8yrs ago and the dc's haven't seen their dad in as long. It's like a thing that other people do.
We might go out on our bikes or of I'm lucky 20 mins at the allotment.

[ChevalierTialys]

My 3 year old is with his dad today. I didn't bother with cards or gifts. After all the shit he's pulled, letting him see his son is gift enough.

[annandale]

Our first father's day without Dh. Ds is on a sleepover and I've made myself breakfast in bed. Going out later to plant something on the grave, then tonight I've decided we'll watch a Fast and Furious film in dh's memory...

to all those whose children's father is being a dick.

[UghFletcher]

I've just separated from the ex and this will be the first Father's Day on my own with DS. Ex hasn't asked at all about having / seeing DS today so we're just getting on with it but I am avoiding going out & reading FB as it will all be sickly sweet happy family stuff.

I also haven't got a card or present for the ex from DS, I couldn't find anything that didn't make them out to be worlds best dad

[TeamHateMarmite]

Thankyou for this thread, I'm sat here in tears realising I'm not the only one, my ds was so excited to buy his dad a Father's Day present, he chose it all by himself, drew him a card, for his dad to text me yesterday and say he didn't want to see him, what kills me every year is everyone's happy Father's Day posts on Facebook.

All through the year I keep it all in, I'm strong, I don't show any emotion but Father's Day always seems to make me cry 🤷🏻‍♀️ it's like he thinks it's his day and he can treat ds as he likes and if that means crushing him by saying he isn't going to see him then that's that.

[TheOrigFV45]

Ds2 has refused to see his dad for 3 weeks (65/35 care in my favour). All very hard (I have threads elsewhere).
Ds1 (19) makes his own decisions.

However, ex-FIL coming over later. He's not my dad obv (he died 5 years ago) but the house will still have a warm feeling of different generations of family being together.

[pandamodium]

Not single but I'm another who will be slagged off on FB all day no doubt.

It's shit, anyway just want to send some virtual support.

[Icklepickle101]

Ex sent me a message weeks ago saying he’d be on holiday for fathers day so wouldn’t be seeing DS. So I was surprised to see it broadcasted on social media they in fact came home Thursday and have plans to sit in pub gardens all weekend doing fuck all

Luckily DS is only 2.5 so has no clue but made me a bit sad ex can’t be bothered to see him when he lives 5 minutes away and has been on holiday for 10 days.

[sanityisamyth]

My ExH has Friday night and Saturday with DS. I asked him several times if he wanted to have DS for Father's Day. He's busy. Says it all really. He's never ever bothered to do anything for Mother's Day. I get DS to make cards or draw a picture or something. The first year I had a nice key ring made for him, with a picture of ExH and DS together. I never got a thank you so I gave up after that.

I've blocked him on social media so I have no idea what he says about me, but probably nothing positive. He chose to go online dating when DS was 10 months old, when we were still together and married. I don't regret kicking out him. He moved in pretty much straight away with the new GF and they're still together AFAIK.

The Father's Day posts that I've read so far are galling. This popped up on my FB this morning. Us single mums have to do all of this, as well as the housework and work for a living. How do dickhead "dads" think that they deserve any credit when they've walked out on their kids?

[Charley50]

 to everyone who finds today hard for whatever reason.

And Wow! Don't mean to shit stir but to the various posters whose exes lie about them on social media; don't you respond and tell it like it is? I suppose it's lowering yourself to their level but... (I barely use social media at all but I wouldn't be happy about such misinformation).

.

[Charley50]

I think today is a good day to stay off social media.

[TeamHateMarmite]

I think today is a good day to stay off social media.

Yes, I am now staying off for today, going to go figure r a lovely walk with ds, take some sandwiches and have a little picnic.

Fuck him, he doesn't deserve ds.

[B1rdonawire]

@Annandale thinking of you today, sounds like you have good plans to get you through another of the difficult "firsts" without your DH I found that surviving the first one of all the anniversaries / holidays at least gave me courage that I knew I could do it again and feel a bit stronger the next time (15 yrs for me this year).

Respect to all those of you taking the higher ground when your exes are behaving like petulant children, you lot are amazing!

[Charley50]

I posted flowers but they disappeared.

Sorry for your losses @B1rdonawire and @annandale

[Starlight345]

My Ds is on a hike with scouts today so will be learning more from the leaders about how to be a man than he ever has from his dad.

Despite not seeing his dad for 8 years I took a letter to school ( it was from Blue peter) . He later said he thought it was from his dad. We obviously had a chat about it but somewhere he has these unanswered questions

[exhaustedpigeon12]

My dad died when I was younger and I miss him, my partner and I split up last week and I miss his kids and had lots planned to spoil him. My little boys refusing to call his dad (he left when I was pregnant)

I’m normally strong and kick ass and can handle all this shit, but today just feels too much.