New single parent. Advice please?(5 Posts)
My OH and I have decided to separate. We are not married. We have one child who is coming up to age 2.
Oh is moving out. I will be staying in our rented property for a few months until lo is used to staying overnight at oh’s New place
I don’t even know where to start regarding how we split the time lo spends at each of our houses or finances.
Lo goes to nursery and I work part time. I do all the nursery runs and would more than likely continue to do so.
I would like lo to stay with each of us as close to 50/50 as possible. I also want to make this as easy for lo as possible. If we split the time with lo 50/50 I assume neither of us will have to pay child support? We will just split nursery bills etc 50/50?
I’m hoping some of you who have had amicable splits could tell me how you do things!
Any advice appreciated.
I split from my ex and have reached an agreement that we split all costs 50/50. My ds lives with me, and my ex who moved 90 miles away, spends each Sunday with him at my house, when I tend to go out. He also has him for some of each school holiday & half term. I work full time and do most of the care, ds is now 9.
The key is to find an arrangement that suits both of you rather than tie yourselves to a rigid %. My ex doesn’t want to change his lifestyle or work commitment and although I don’t get much time off, I have a happy ds, a calm routine and I decide on things like schools because I have to make it work.
Will you go back to full time hours? Will you be able to afford a 2 bed house with a garden?
I have a friend who does 7 days on, 7 days off with her dd and ex so that can work too.
You’ll need to factor in who gets child benefit, and in time, school catchments etc. Also what happens if one of you has a new partner who doesn’t want 50:50 care?
Be willing to flex, negotiate holidays etc. Having a reasonable ex who also wants the best for lo and doesn’t have weird controlling tendencies is also pretty vital. Good luck.
Thanks fir your reply. Pleased you’ve found a routine that suits you.
Yes I’m not going to rigid about it. I currently rent a 2 bed but won’t be able to afford the rent on my own for too long. We signed a new lease a few months back so will probably lose the deposit.
I’m not worrying about what ifs at the moment and any future partner of mine will need to accept I have a lo as much as I have lo.
My ex is looking at 1 bedroom places so not great to spend half the week there.
I need to thrash this out with him but he doesn’t talk so I want to go in with ideas and options.
Make sure that you both apply for ccvs as soon as possible - before they close the scheme. You can both apply and it could save you £1k each per year on childcare.
First - always hold on to the fact that you're far from alone in all this.
And I would honestly consider, unless there's real cause not to, trying to be fair as possible for both parties, even if it's not what each one wants for themselves, because only then can you avoid antipathy and needless conflict. In the end, that's all about the child's interest.
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