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Ex being difficult over contact

(3 Posts)
Stressedtoo Tue 12-Jun-18 22:49:54

Hi I am looking for advice. I had a short relationship (5 months) with an old friend things progressed quickly and I got pregnant. I found out that he had told numerous lies among other things, his accounts being illegal making our plans to buy a house impossible. I was angry and 3 months pregnant when I found out. He refused to talk and the relationship disintegrated. We met up when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant and he told me he wanted full custody and he would take me to court for access; I answered that I hadn't had baby yet and wasn't intending to grant full custody but would allow him to see his child.
For the first 3 months we met up on a Saturday morning for an hour I made sure baby was fed and awake. This was supposed to increase but stopped when he got injured in a pub fight.
At a meeting I arranged to talk about him resuming contact he turned up with pint in hand and during the short meeting he told me he had no respect for me and only thought of our son as his not mine. I regret that I threw the dregs of my soda n lime at him and walked out to him calling after me that I would be hearing from his solicitor.
Through my solicitor he has been sent two letters (at great expense to my savings) offering contact of 2 hours fortnightly at my house to be extended when ds knows him better and working up to ex taking ds out. I have a daughter and fortnightly visits would fit in with our family life. The second letter he responded to rejecting the offer, citing me as cruel and aggressive and that he was not prepared to have me there while he had time with his son. My ex is an alcoholic and has had drug and depression issues. He lives with his parents and I am uncomfortable with just handing over my son to people that he does not know very well in an unfamiliar setting. Ds is 7 months now and ex has had no contact for nearly 4 months. I have never left my ds with anyone so I feel handing him over to a stranger at a contact centre just as worrying. Sorry for mega long back story ..can anyone advise me on how to handle mediation and steps forward as I am at a loss...many thanks

NorthernSpirit Wed 13-Jun-18 11:00:02

He will never get full custody.

A solicitor will write anything a paying client tells them.

Ignore him (he sounds an arse) and ignore any solicitors letters (you do not have to respond).

Let him take you to court. As long as you shown you have offered access and are putting your child’s best interests at heart you have nothing to worry about.

You can respresent yourself and it will cost you nothing.

Kingsclerelass Wed 13-Jun-18 13:38:07

Agree with Northern Spirit that no court will award full custody of a 7 month old to someone with alcohol and drugs problems who is unable to show that they can provide a secure home for that child. Especially a parent who has refused contact in the past, has no real relationship with that child, and is given to brawling at pubs. Hardly a decent role model.
Contact the Citizen's Advice Bureau and book a session. They will advise you on mediation and on maintaining detailed records so that if your ex takes you to court, (which I doubt he will do), you will have all the relevant information available.
If your ex does not want you there while he sees ds, you could at least visit a contact centre, to see if it could work for you, before you offer anything.

I'm not sure about going to court without the informed support of a solicitor though. My instinct would be to pay the fees for peace of mind if nothing else.

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