First day at school and dealing with EA ex

Could your ex do the first day and you do the second day?

What do you think is best for your child? Their needs are paramount- it’s their first day at school and it’s vital that they don’t go in feeling upset or anxious.

September is still many weeks away so there is time to sort this.

My heart goes out to you. I went through this when my daughter who is now seven started kindergarten at age 5 . It was my day to have her and I took her to school and my ex was standing at the entrance. I let him greet her and then she came right back to me and I walked her to her classroom with him behind him. I completely ignored him. I did have my sister with me for support which was helpful. Do you have a family member who can go with you?. The whole encounter was uneventful. If he would have tried to make a scene I would have walked away.

Honestly the first day isn't that big a deal - presumably your child will have had visits beforehand and will just be going for a few hours and then you'll collect him?
If it makes it less stressful for everyone just let his dad do Monday, have your special moment on Tuesday - it really doesn't matter that much.

If you let him take her in the morning, you can pick her up and be the one to hear all her news.

Its not ideal but that way you'll both be there on her first day.

I feel your pain op.
Just had first school event (sports day) since I chucked out EA cheating Exh last summer.
I was hard, I had a panic attack and I wanted to flee but I did it.
Keep the focus on your child and fuss over them.
These men love to play superdad at the big life events but do go. You have every right to be here just like he does.
I found it easier to earn the school when it happened so the teachers etc were aware of the dynamic but I understand you may not feel comfortable with that at a new school.
Good luck

Sorry warn not earn

Could you take someone for moral support? It's quite common for grandparents/aunts/uncles to pop along on the first day too.

Can you meet him at gate? Then it is simply 5 minutes in the gate go in separate directions .

Please don't be afraid to ask for separate parents evenings too. Make sure they send info to both of you that way you don't have to keep him updated /be accused of him missing things. School gets his number /email and he can remember for himself!!

Yes tell the school there are issues.. however if he is on Birth certificate tehre is a limit...
practically do you know a few people that are starting - a friend went with a few friends all together ...or took grandparents/sibling etc

Although this level of anxiety is not sustainable please see about getting some counselling for yourself - it will impact your child they will feel that air of menace ......you have done well to get free so see it as getting tools to help...

Schools have lots of experience in this sort of thing and can be very helpful.

They will have seen that plenty and won't be taken in.

It’s horrible to have something like this hanging over you .

And in public he comes across as eminently reasonable good looking and charming

If you stay in public with him and learn strategies to block out his underlying menace - wouldn't the 10 minutes of drop off at school pass relatively easily?

My daughters 'first day' wasn't much of a big deal, she did 3 half days in July, then a week of half days so her first September day was another half day then her actual first full day was the next week so you'd have that alone if it's a similar set up.
Just meet him at the gate, walk in, say bye and leave you don't need to speak to him other than saying hi so your daughter doesn't pick up on any tension.