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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Handover

15 replies

Whoknows11 · 31/05/2018 20:07

If my ex sends someone else to collect the children where do I stand legally?

OP posts:

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NorthernSpirit · 31/05/2018 20:21

Why would you have a problem with it (as long as there aren’t any safeguarding issues). Does it really matter.

Sounds controlling and I’m unreasonable in your part that you dictate who does the drop off. Do you do any yourself? Do you ever ask anyone to step in?

NorthernSpirit · 31/05/2018 20:22

Meant to say it sounds unreasonable.....

A judge wouldn’t legally enforce that dad has to do it. Let the control go.

Whoknows11 · 31/05/2018 20:34

Oh not you again and your judgemental comments!

OP posts:

octobersunshine · 31/05/2018 20:45

Legally, I wouldn't know. If it was a close family member or ex - parents, sister etc - I'd be fine with that. Personally, if someone I didn't know was sent to pick up DS on ex's behalf, I'd be quite circumspect and not particularly comfortable. How would you know where they're going, who's taking them, are they being looked after by someone you've not met, are they safe etc etc.

Rainboho · 31/05/2018 20:46

Who is the someone else? That’s important.

rainingcatsanddog · 31/05/2018 20:51

Who is this person? Does your child know them? Did they turn up with a car seat (if in a car)? Did your ex inform you before this person arrived?

Whoknows11 · 31/05/2018 20:52

Potentially a friend who I don’t know or the OW - who I don’t know either. Youngest child is 2.

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/05/2018 20:55

Contact is the RP making the DC available to the NRP at the agreed times.

What is his reason for not collecting them himself?

Do you have a court order? You might be breaking it if you don’t make them available when agreed to someone he considers safe to collect them.

NorthernSpirit · 01/06/2018 08:24

@Whoknows11 - you came on a public forum and asked for advice and you got it.

Sounds like you don’t like the fact that your EH / EP has asked someone to help with the pick ups / drop offs. Am assuming you don’t do any as if dad wants to see them then that’s his problem.

You may not like it but legally you have to make the children available and you can’t control this.

Have you got approval from the dad as to who the children play with, their child minders etc, who you introduce them to?...... I doubt it as he can’t control who the children interact with just like you can’t.

Whoknows11 · 01/06/2018 09:15

@Northernspirit - why are you even on this forum? You aren’t even a loan parent!

OP posts:

NorthernSpirit · 01/06/2018 09:59

@Whoknows11 - I guess it’s a bit like all the EW’s who aren’t SM’s on the SP board! Anyone is entitled to comment.

Let it go to court and a judge will tell you the law and what’s legal. You only want to hear certain views. My OH’s EW has tried to pull this shit - she stopped after a judge threaten to take the children off her due to her trying to control and dictate contact. I’m not being nasty to you, i’m giving you my experience and telling you facts.

Ginger1982 · 01/06/2018 10:06

You can have it written into a court order if you want but it does make things difficult. What if the person is sick etc? Why does he want someone else to do it? Is it because you don't get on? In that case could you stand apart and have kids run to him and vice versa? I can understand why you wouldn't be thrilled at OW doing it but if she's spending time with your kid's when with dad does it make a huge difference? As a lawyer these types of minor issues used to always end up causing major headaches (and I appreciate that it might not be a minor issue for you).

Emboo19 · 01/06/2018 12:20

I think it depends how well my child knew the person. At such a young age I don’t think my dd would go to a relative stranger from me and there’s no way I’d let someone I don’t know take her off crying. If she’s upset and her dad or a family member collect her fair enough I know and trust them to comfort her and I know she’s generally happy with them. I don’t think waving a child off with someone they or you don’t know is really a good lesson to teach them.

So if it’s a new partner or friend, I’d probably ask if they could do collection together a few times first.

But honestly the less I see my ex the better so I’m quite happy for others to collect and drop off, within reason!

rainingcatsanddog · 01/06/2018 13:28

Did they turn up with a car seat and did your ex tell you that this person was coming before she arrived?
There are acceptable reasons to send a proxy like a broken limb, car problems but I'd expect to know at least the name of the pickup person and who they are girlfriend/neighbour/family.
I would also hope that the person was someone my child recognised/knew. If they didn't then I'd like the option to drop them off myself.

Kingsclerelass · 01/06/2018 16:55

Op, I understand your concern. My ex wanted his daughter who has a string of driving convictions, written off one car etc to collect and I said no.

Decide what your concerns are and explain them. Is it the car, the driving, the individual - drink, drugs etc, or simply that dc is not happy. If you can define exactly what you are worried about, he may be able to reassure you.
It is not fair to ask you to hand your child to a total stranger.

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