Honest advice needed: Pursuing PGCE with 8 month old baby

[Sumaya1988]

Hi all,

I have a major decision to make this year andit's breaking my heart. I'm starting a PGCE in September my daughter will be 8 mo. My motivation is simply that i have spilt from her father and need the best career in order to give her the best start in life.

Now the dilemma is after calculating childcare costs PGCE programme that involves different placements, planning and preparing as well as my own assessment for the university, realistically i will not be able to afford to manage on my own as I'm only now learning to drive and will not have the money for a car/insurance/mot etc if i even pass by September. I'm trying to being honest with myself before getting my self into a dropout situation ( 60% of current dropout rates are 21 yo without any responsibility!)

My mother has offered to take her for the duration of the course. She live in East africa. I know my heart hammers out my chest each time i even think about it. She's got arthritis and the winter months here she's on constant horse grade pain relief and can barely walk but in the hot temperature she's miraculously fine, so asking her to come back to the UK will make her sick again and i cannot watch my mother in pain and trying to take care of my LO.
I know i will have to decide, and there is no one i trust more than my own mother. No childminder compares to that kind of peace of mind. But what about my emotional attachment with my LO? What is she forgets me? Right now thinking about it makes me cry. The course is 6-7 months and i could possibly visit her xmas or easter. Would constant video calling help her remember me. I'm sure she will be fine physically and emotionally just don't want to jeopardise my connection with her.

And advice is welcome, and thank you all in advance xx

[BananaMilkshake13]

I started my PGCE when my DD turned 12 months.

It was without doubt the hardest year of my life. I relied solely on nursery & my sister to help with drop offs and collection as DD doesn't see her dad.
The evenings and workload was tough as DD was still breastfeeding and I remember soooo many sleepless nights.
It was worth it in the end as now 6 years on I'm in a great school, financially secure and have also learnt to drive.

My mother doesn't live locally, 40 miles away and we discussed me attending a course near her but I thought it wouldn't work realistically.

Only you know if sending your 8 month old abroad would work for you...as much as I also trust my mother with my DD 100% I also found alternative care I trusted just as much.
If I was in your situation 6 years ago, I would not have sent my DD even 40 miles away let alone across the world but I understand why you would.
Do you have alternative to childcare? If you do decide to keep baby here, you will need some support to help you pass the course as is incredibly tough.
If you decide to send baby away, then you won't need the support but will need to weigh up if you will manage emotionally.
The course goes by soooo quickly so bear that in mind. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
Hope that helps. xx

[Everywhereilookaround]

Wow that muse be such a hard decision for you to make.

I have a friend in another country who left her child to be raised by her mum while she went off to work and earn to support her family in a neighbouring country, and that's hard for me to understand but it's a cultural difference that we don't often have to be faced with because we live in a welfare state country. She didn't have the luxury of benefit system to help her feed her daughter. Her daughter turned out fine,a beautiful intelligent young woman. But it was emotionally harrowing for my friend thro those long years seperated from her daughter.

You say you are worried about the emotional connection to your baby, I don't see how it couldn't be affected, achild needs a secure attachment to at least one person, and that's probably you. So it will affect you both. Also tho, she may benefit from the love and nurturing of your mum.

Some parents go off on leave in the Army for months, their kids don't stop loving them, or forget them.

Could you not find childcare locally? There are some amazing childminders out there. Talk to your course tutor, explain your situation, they may be able to help with flexible learning, part time placement, ideas about childcare. Defer a year or two why rush now? What will you do when you qualify re childcare?

I guess what I'm saying is I wouldn't personally no, unless I was forced to. Caring for my son is my priority above my own career, but I have the luxury of not having to make that decision.

I hope it goes well whatever you decide. X

[Sametimetomorrow]

I think it’s a ridiculous idea and you should defer the course for a year or two.

[Fakehungarian]

Can you defer? I think that would be quite traumatic for your child to be sent away from you at such a young age.

[Sumaya1988]

Thank you for the advice i really appreciate it ( even the judgemental ones) I'll keep it in mind 😊

[MrsJonSno]

I think it’s a terrible idea. Your Mother doesn’t sound in the best of Health and a 6/7 month old baby is absolutely exhausting! How would she even cope?!? Now is a very important time for you and your daughter to bond, childcare is fine but sending her to another Continent and only seeing her at Xmas and Easter? No. Wait a year or two and do your course then.