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Ex wants constant contact (& us to sell house)

(2 Posts)
isobellini Mon 21-May-18 06:01:45

Like every cliché in the book my husband found life with a child too hard and went and (unbeknownst to me at the time) evidently picked up someone “uncomplicated” in a bar. Long story short he agreed to have a kid even though he wasn’t sure he wanted one as much as I did, but when I got pregnant right away changed his tune and has been depressed and pretty selfish ever since. He does love our son but resents having a child, if that makes sense. In recent weeks though this has really ramped up with him telling me how how he hated our life and how he had to leave for his “mental health”. And telling me I was a nagging bitch etc. And I was genuinely really worried he was having a breakdown, and was stupidly sympathetic and I promised to try etc. And then I found the texts from her “have you told your wife yet?” And he’d even sent photos of our 20 month old son to her, bragging about how lovely he is. Basically using our kid to help him pull. Urgh makes me want to throw up. Anyway we ended it last Tuesday.

But now he is saying he wants daily texts from me detailing how our 20 month old son slept, settled at nursery for the day, went down to sleep. As well as photos, videos, etc. He says he wants to see him two weekday evenings and one weekend day (and visitation has to happen at our house as he hasn’t found somewhere to be Even semi-permanently yet). I feel like I’m trying to hold it all together for our child but my ex seems to want more contact than he had when he was living here! And the constant contact from him is absolutely slaying me emotionally too as I adjust to the realisation that the person I loved is a liar.

So my first question is - does he have the right to demand all this contact? If so any tips on how I manage it and don’t lose my marbles?

Secondly, he is saying he has nowhere to live and will need us to sell our house so he can buy somewhere that our son can visit him/stay with him.

But does he have the right to demand this? Nb. I don’t think it makes a difference but I paid the whole deposit on the house and have it in writing (email) he won’t come for that sum. But it has increased in value significantly since we bought it. So does he have a right to half the additional value of it?

Can’t effing believe he has turned my son’s and my lives upside down like this and is now making demands. ☹️ He’s a stupid and selfish person but not evil. And I do want our son to grow up knowing both parents. I just don’t know how I deal with daily contact while I hold things together, and while I’m contemplating moving out of the house that I effectively purchased for us.

Thanks in advance for advice. xx

OP’s posts: |
AjasLipstick Mon 21-May-18 06:23:48

He says he wants to see him two weekday evenings and one weekend day This isn't unreasonable.

and visitation has to happen at our house as he hasn’t found somewhere to be Even semi-permanently yet this of course, is ridiculous.

As are his demands for photos etc.

Tell him that if he wants nursery updates, then he is within his rights to contact them directly and that is what he will need to do.

Tell him his contact requests are fine (if they work for you) but that they WILL NOT happen in your home.

Regarding the sale of the house, you need immediate legal advice OP.

Send him one message detailing what you will accept in terms of his contact but make it clear that it won't be under your roof. Say also that you won't be sending any pictures or updates unless there is an emergency or illness.

And that you will be in touch next via your solicitor....if he bombards you with messages which he probably will, keep them all but do NOT respond.

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