New(ish) relationship troubles

[2kids1me]

Hi all, so I have 2 children and my partner of 1 year has 2 also but only 1 who stays.
Any way, I feel like I’m banging my head against the wall recently and need some advice if this is a clash of heads on both parts or if I am right in thinking this is him being a Twonk!
So basically he’s always making small comments about my children, ok they aren’t perfect but have perfectly normal inperfections! Such as too much to say/back chat/occasional tantrum! But when ever he talks of his own sun it can only be described that the sun shines out of his ass!
I love his son like I love my own but I tire of hearing about how ‘my kids’ aren’t as amazing as his!
He also isn’t the same with mine as he is his son, he has less patience and not as much desire to be around us all together.
It’s still all relatively new, am I breaking my own heart here or is this normal and will get stronger in time?
I am guilty of wanting the average 2.4 family I must say but by now should I be seeing more effort to be a ‘family’ or not?
My heads about to pop! I only have my son tonight and we are sat watching TV and my other half is no where to be seen and my son was supposed to be at his dads but it changed to tomorrow! I’m so frustrated! He will appear once it’s bedtime no doubt.
Any advice?

[rageface]

Are you all living together?

[Singlenotsingle]

How old are your DC's and how do they feel about him? If they already don't like him, there will be trouble ahead.

[CoupleOfPushBacks]

Guy sounds like a knob.

If you can't treat all kids the same, then he shouldn't be with someone who has kids.

[Juells]

I think you'll start really resenting the sniping about your children before too long. Or else go along with it for a quiet life, which is unfair to your children. I couldn't be with someone who thought my children had too much to say. Squashing them, in other words.

[Kingsclerelass]

I don’t think that can work. Either you work as a team, raising one family together or you will always have different priorities. Sooner or later he will ask you to choose between him and your dcs.

Sorry that’s probably not what you want to hear.

[MyRelationshipIsWeird]

I think it’s a big ask for anyone to treat your dcs as their own - I’m surprised you say you love his ds as your own after only a year.

However they should all be treated fairly and equally if you’re all together.

Unfortunately many dads are unable to see the flaws in their own dcs, or to admit to them at any rate, and you’re fighting an uphill battle if you want him to acknowledge this! I think it might be wise to scale back the blended family stuff for now. My DP and I have been together 5.5 years and still don’t live together and spend very little time as one big family due to the complications of children being treated differently. It’s just not worth putting your dcs in that position.

They should have time alone with you, his should have time with him and then any time as a big family is best kept to a minimum at least until you can have some counselling or do some work on your joint approach to behaviour, discipline etc.

[Starlight2345]

It sounds like there is a road of trouble ahead. Why does he only see one child?

[Bobby1233]

My daughter is the same age as my partners son and Im ashamed to admit Ive been a little guilty of this. [We dont live together] I struggle with my partners son a little as whenever we have dinner he will happily take food from other peoples plates, he wont ask and behaves very spoilt if he is stopped. He selects the bits he likes from their dinner and the other [older] children are expected to allow him. He also helps himself to ice cream and food from the fridge while dinner is being cooked.
I dont think his mums doing him any favours by allowing this, he will not be popular with this habit. But its not really any of my business, its just a difference in parenting and Im sure my daughter does things that my partner doesnt like.
I think I once saw a shocking statistic about how many "blended families" fail. I think it was most of them. I think both partners should remain fully responsible for their own children and not expect anything from the other partner, the children have two parents, they dont need four. I try to stick to fun stuff and remain "friends" with her kids. I leave the discipline and general parenting of partners children to partner. Although its not easy when I have to referee, its hard not to show favouritism.

[T2705]

I feel your pain! My DP is also very guilty of "my little johnny" syndrome! He doesnt see it when his DDs are being a pain yet notices immediately when its one of my DCs!! Before I met his kids I thought he must be a really strict parent however apparently its just other peoples kids he notices the bad behaviour in

We have different parenting styles and things I would absolutely not accept from my kids he is ok with his kids doing and vice-versa, this is quite tricky but we have agreed to disagree on certain things and we have mostly come to an agreeable balance.

Its not easy, I go to great lengths to treat all 4 as equally as possible and if he is not doing the same I try and gently point it out, I am lucky as he generally does take it on board and it does not cause a row.

He is different with my DCs when his daughters are with us too, he won't give my 2 the same attention if the DDs are there in case they get jealous etc, even though I can tell he expects me to give all 4 of them the same attention.

As for him leaving you and DS to it until DS is in bed - I personally would try not to let it bother me and just appreciate the time with just me and the DC's.