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Advice please.

(16 Posts)
Lonemummy1988 Sat 12-May-18 21:20:04

Hello ladies,
To cut a long story short I have a recently turned 1 year old and a week before his Birthday my partner decided he did not love me anymore and left me. We have a shared house, mortgage and joint ownership on the mortgage. He is in a very high earning job and I'm in a low earning job. We use to pay a share in the bills and mortgage, for example We would both put a certain amount in the joint account and the mortgage and bills would come out of that.

He is moving out on June 4th. He has said very kindly that he will pay the mortgage when he moves out till January and I will have to pay just the house bills. I have had to drop my hours however to 16 as He can only take my son 3 days. He works a 7 on 3 off rota, so I have my boy 7 days and can only work on his 3. All very confusing. The fact is moving out is heartbreaking but it is also the heartache and confusion of loosing my house and not being able to be financially stable for my little boy.

My advice that I need is this.

Is there anyway legally I can keep my house. Like I said he says he will pay the mortgage until January but then he wants to sell. I love my house, I worked very hard to get it and I have put a lot of love and hardworking into making it nice, it is stability in an unstable time and stability for my son. Would the only way to keep it be to buy my ex out of his share.

My second question is does anyone know what aid I'm entitled to. I will be working 16 hours and only have one child, but will only be taking home £400 is a month whilst working. I have heard of tax credits, child tax credits and working tax credits. I have no other income and no family help. Does anyone know how long a claim takes to process.

I'm so so scared about the future so although these questions seem like I'm greedy for money and to keep my house I am not, I'm just trying to heal my broken heart and have the best future and stability for my son.

Advice greatly welcomed.

OP’s posts: |
Starlight2345 Sat 12-May-18 21:43:54

Firstly you do need legal advice re finance .

Re tax credits . Yes you can apply . Give them all the facts then they will do the calculations

Kingsclerelass Sun 13-May-18 07:29:18

Agree with starlight, you need legal advice. You do not say if your partner is the father of your ds. It will make a huge difference. I hope it works out.

Grobagsforever Sun 13-May-18 07:49:32

He's not being kind paying the mortgage it's a joint debt he's responsible for!

Have you checked what child maintenance you're entitled to? And stop indulging him saying he can't take his child more so you can work. He is fifty percent responsible so needs to pay childcare if he can't look after his own son.

You're being walked all over OP.

Singlenotsingle Sun 13-May-18 07:52:35

Is the house in joint names? Are you married?

MuttsNutts Sun 13-May-18 08:02:26

Speak to a solicitor asap and agree nothing with your exp in the meantime. You can get a free half hour appointment - just find one that specialises in Family Law and ring them to ask.

Ask about a Mesher Agreement which can defer the sale of the house until certain events happen, e.g. you remarry or dc leaves school.

Contact tax credits and look at to see what financial help you can get.

Do not let him call all the shots and walk all over you - he is the one that has moved the goalposts so now you need to protect your and your dc’s interests.

HappyHedgehog247 Sun 13-May-18 08:05:10

Echo the others. Agree nothing just now. Speak to 2-3 different solicitors (they vary in their quality and opinions so I really recommend this), for free to get some advice and also find who you want to work with.

Good luck x

MuttsNutts Sun 13-May-18 08:06:47

And call CMS to find out exactly what child maintenance he is legally required to pay. You can then tell him and can decide whether to sort it between you or go through them. Be warned that they will not backdate a claim though so contact them straight away if exp starts making excuses about not paying what he should.

HappyHedgehog247 Sun 13-May-18 08:09:13

PS how come you 'have' to drop your hours in a lower paid job but he carries on exactly as he wants? He's 50% responsible for his child, so think about what you think is best for DS and you.

When I first separated and read these boards I thought everyone sounded hard for want of a better word. I now realise they were right!

NorthernSpirit Sun 13-May-18 09:16:14

You say partner so assume you aren’t married? If that’s the case you don’t have the same rights as a married person.

If not married a mescher order won’t apply to you - this is were a judge could order that you are able to stay in the house until the child is 18 and on sale the equity is split by agreed amount. These are rare as courts have an obligation to look at clean breaks and if you did stay you would be expected to pay the mortgage in full and upkeep of the house. You are only postponing the inevitable, I wouldn’t recommend this route (if you are married).

The reality is if you can’t afford to buy him out and pay the mortgage in full you won’t be able to stay in the house.

CanIGetARefund Sun 13-May-18 09:38:03

You are likely to be entitled to benefits to top up your income and pay towards childcare. Visit
One way to possibly keep your house would be to get a lodger. Consider asking locally if there are any students or single mums looking for a house share. Look for someone who would be happy to do some babysitting. has extensive advice on the rules around renting rooms in your home. Good luck flowers

Lonemummy1988 Sun 13-May-18 15:43:32

Thank you for your help. I need legal advice but he said if I see anyone things will get difficult and that I would not trust him x

OP’s posts: |
CanIGetARefund Sun 13-May-18 16:21:53

Asking you to not seek legal advice is a big red flag. If he intends to be reasonable, why would he not want you to get advice? Anyway, he does not need to know. There may be a Women's Centre in your locality who may be able to help. Your health visitor will know about local provision. Citizens Advice may also be helpful.

Lonemummy1988 Sun 13-May-18 16:58:12

I do not know how to reply to everyone individually so I just want to say a collective think you for the advice. My ex partner is the father of my ds. We are not married but both on the mortgage and have been together 5 plus years and living together in this house 4. He is not being nasty just very cold and seems to not care about me just his son (which is something) He says he will pay the mortgage which is 575 and I have to pay the bills £300 wish till january when he wants to sell. he does not want to go the legal route and got a bit angry when I mentioned equity and custody and other legal terms. Will i still be enticed to benefit help despite having a house xx

OP’s posts: |
Starlight2345 Sun 13-May-18 17:10:20

I agree red flag for no solicitors .

Child tax is not dependant . So give them a call . Also put his income in cms calculator you may well be surprised

Kingsclerelass Tue 15-May-18 01:49:00

Lonemum, please, if you do nothing else, talk it over with a solicitor. Your ex is trying to avoid his legal & financial obligations to his & your child. Warning you not to speak to a solicitor means he knows exactly what he is doing.
For example, if you work full time to keep yourself, as he does, then nursery care should be shared equally ie £400 a month each. He is also liable for half the cost of providing your ds with a home, clothes, shoes etc.
I was in exactly the same situation, and my ex pays half of costs which amounts to £300 a month now Ds is at school. Over the last 6 years about £20,000. By the time Ds is 18 it will be more than £60,000.
The way to think about it is it’s not your money to pass up, it’s your son’s.

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