Problem with contact

[TrudieAwesome]

I'm a single parent with two DDs, 13 and 10. Their relationship with Ex H has always been a bit rocky even when we were still married, and since we separated almost 5 years ago, things have got worse. So far we have been able to manage things fairly amicably most of the time.

For the last year DD1 has mostly refused to see her dad and has now said she wants nothing more to do with him. DD2 had been spending two afternoons a week with her dad but yesterday came home very upset. He has been getting her to watch Black Mirror with him and was really upset by what she'd seen. It came out while I was talking to her about it that he's also been talking to her about stuff he probably shouldn't; all about how unhappy he is, how lonely he is and how difficult he finds it not seeing DD1.

DD2 says she feels like she has to make him happy so agrees to watch the films/play the games/ have the conversations that upset her. She is also terrified of his reaction if I talk to him. She now says she doesn't want to see him, that she's tried to love him but it just makes her sad.

For information DD1 has been diagnosed with ASC and severe anxiety, and DD2 also having an anxiety disorder (and most likely also ASC, but scored one less than the cut off for the ADOS screening). Their anxiety levels are both sky high much of the time and they both have a tendency to agree to things so they won't upset anyone.

I should also say that DDs teachers have previously talked to him about showing them inappropriate stuff but it doesn't seem to have sunk in.

I need to talk to exH but I'm dreading it. I know he's depressed and he has often in the past reacted by threatening suicide.

Sorry this is long. Does anyone have any advice about a) what I should be doing, and b) what I should say to exH? I just feel really alone.

[Starlight2345]

I would be direct with him. Tell him how Dd feels . Tell him you are willing to keep the option open for her to go to contact but will not force her.

I would also ask him if he has suggestions of how he can improve things

[TrudieAwesome]

Thanks Starlight = it's ridiculous isn't it but I just don't trust my instincts; he always makes me feel on the back foot. I'll ring him and tell him, and as you suggest see what he thinks might help.

[TrudieAwesome]

I should put my glasses on when I type.......

[Starlight2345]

Good luck